'AITA for not forgiving my GF after her parents treated me like an outsider at her graduation?' UPDATED

"AITA for not forgiving my girlfriend after her parents treated me like an outsider at her graduation?"

My (21M) girlfriend (21F) graduated from university last month, and I went all out to make her day special. I bought a flight ticket, booked a hotel, got her a really nice bouquet of flowers, purchased a new outfit, and even bought a camera just to capture the memories.

It’s always been a dream of mine to see someone I love graduate because it would heal a part of me that never got to experience that. This was also the first time I was going to meet her parents, so I really prepared myself.

My girlfriend told me before the trip that her parents would take us to dinner after the ceremony, and I was looking forward to it. On her graduation day, I waited for around three hours before I finally got to see her. When we met, I gave her the flowers, congratulated her, and we talked for a bit. Then we went to meet her parents, and that’s where everything started to go wrong.

Her mom didn’t even smile at me, and her dad didn’t acknowledge me at all. When we sat down together, the atmosphere was awkward and tense. I tried to start a conversation, but her parents gave short, dismissive replies that made it clear they didn’t want to talk to me. So I just stayed quiet.

Later, my girlfriend asked me to take pictures of her and her parents since I had the camera. Her parents had also bought her flowers and made sure those were the ones in every picture. My bouquet? They shoved it into a bag like it didn’t matter. For the next two hours, I was basically their personal photographer, taking pictures of her with her parents and their flowers, but none of her with me.

After all that, my girlfriend came up to me and said the dinner with her parents was canceled. Instead, she told me to take a cab back to my hotel. Confused, I asked her why, and she just said, “I have to consider everyone’s feelings; please understand.” I didn’t argue and quietly left, but I felt completely humiliated.

I spent so much time, effort, and money to make her graduation special, but I ended up feeling like an outsider. I didn’t even get a single photo with her.

Later that night, she texted me to apologize and said her mom was also sorry for her behavior.

But honestly, I couldn’t shake off how they treated me. It’s been a month now, and I’m still upset. Every time I see my friends posting about graduations on Instagram, I feel bitter and angry. She keeps asking me to forgive her, but I can’t seem to let it go. So, internet, AITA for not forgiving her after what happened?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

greyhounds4life1969 wrote:

Dinner wasn't cancelled, you were uninvited by her sh--ty parents. They see you as inferior for some reason, get out now, it isn't going to get any better.

Emotional-Hair-1607 wrote:

Interesting that the parents treated him like trash once the daughter has graduated and doesn't need his financial support anymore. They used him and they're done and by default the GF too because she didn't defend him.

rainbowlady wrote:

Oof, that’s tough. You literally went all out for her and her fam treated you like that? Nah, that’s not cool. I get that she’s apologizing, but if I were you, I’d still feel hurt too. Honestly, they messed up big time, and you deserve more respect than that. I don’t think you’re wrong for not forgiving yet.

xsexyangel wrote:

NTA. you’re allowed to feel hurt by how her parents treated you, and it’s okay to take time to process those feelings. Forgiveness is personal, and it’s fair to expect your girlfriend to acknowledge your feelings and address the situation with her parents.

After receiving lots of feedback, OP shared an update.

Thank you all for your advice and comforting words. It really means a lot, even the bitter ones—I can understand where they’re coming from. I wanted to provide some additional context and address some of the comments.

First, I did fly to see her 3–4 times a year just to spend time with her, even though I couldn’t always be there because of my busy schedule. I’m a part-time student pursuing a degree while also working to build my future, and she had just graduated from her diploma program. To those who said, “You’re acting like you paid for her college or took her on a Disney trip for a week.”

I’m not trying to take credit for everything, but I did provide for her financially. I gave her a monthly allowance to support her education, paid her rent, and bought things she needed or wanted (like makeup, clothes, etc.). Her parents didn’t support her decision to pursue university, but I believed in her dream and did my part to help her achieve it.

And yes, her parents do know me and acknowledge me as her boyfriend. She always updated them about us, and I even gave them gifts. They were the ones who invited me to her graduation day. As for the part where I said it was my dream to see someone I love graduate, I know it sounds strange.

But here’s the backstory: My mom once told me she never had the chance to pursue her education because she chose to become a full-time housewife. That always stuck with me and made me feel sad for her. Supporting my girlfriend through her graduation felt like a way to heal that part of me. For context, I send my mom money every month, and she’s always been really kind to my girlfriend.

I did confront my girlfriend about everything. She apologized and reminded me that her mom also apologized. She asked me what more she could do to make me forgive her and move on. That made me question myself—AITA in this situation? Maybe I should try harder to understand her perspective, but part of me also feels like I deserve better. That's why Im writing this post. Thank you.

The comments kept coming.

Temporary_Alfalfa686 wrote:

NTA if she can’t stand up for you at a graduation party then she definitely won’t stand up for you in the future. Dump her and find a woman who will say “knock it off you two or leave.”

babemagnet_21 wrote:

Not forgiving her? Sounds like you're just trying to avoid being the punchline in their family jokes for the rest of your life! Stand strong, my friend! 💪

AdAccomplished6870 wrote:

That her and her mom were OK with treating you like trash, even knowing what they were doing, is a harsh wakeup call. SHe said she had to consider everyone's feelings, but she only considered her parents. This is where you will always stand in the family.

Tell her that you are sorry that you made things awkward by assuming that your relationship was more serious, and that she was more mature, than the actual reality.

You will spare future awkwardness of her trying to pretend to be in a relationship by agreeing tpo the breakup that she started when she uninvited you to dinner, but you do wish she had been honest enough to breakup before you wasted money on her.

Wish her well, and hope that she is a better person for her next boyfriend, or that she picks someone her dad approves of. Maybe let him set her up with one of his golfing buddies sons. That way she won't have to go through this disrespectful game with some other poor schmuck who was only trying to be there for the person he thought was his girlfriend. NTA, and she showed her true colors.