Husband questions wife’s commitment after she refuses to tattoo his name on her neck. AITA?
"AITA for not getting my husband’s name tattooed on my neck?"
Before I begin, this is my sister’s story she wanted me to share with you guys. For the sake of this post these are the fake names (best friend: Henry, Husband: Tanner, sister: Mary). I personally don’t think I’m in the wrong for refusing to do something so stupid.
Me and my husband have been married for a 10 years and together for 20 years. Before we even got engaged—before we even thought of getting together— I told him I would never get anyone’s name tatted on me.
I’ve never had a problem with people getting their partners name tatted on them at all, but it just wasn’t my style or the way I would showcase my commitment to anyone. Apart from my kids, that is.
I’ve had tattoos since I was 17 in high school. And since high school I’ve made a promise to myself that I would NEVER tattoo my partners name anywhere on me. That’s the only thing I couldn’t do. This happened about last week and my husband is still mad at me for my answer—refusing to speak to me as much and distancing himself from me.
One day, my husband and me were in the living room, he was scrolling on his phone sending me posts back to back, while I was at my desk on my computer writing emails to my boss and co-workers.
But one post caught his attention the most, or at least it had to because he quickly stood from the sofa and basically sped over to my side to show me the video of a woman getting her partners name tattooed in the middle of her chest.
As he’s showing me the picture, he has a huge smile on his face, watching for my reaction as I watched the video on his phone. After the video ended, I just sat there speechless, looking at him like he had two heads. It was just silent, until he asked me if I would ever do that for him.
Without a bit of ease or gentleness in my voice I answered and straight up told him ‘no’. He knew I wouldn’t. My promise to myself weren’t going to change just because he wanted them to.
His smile immediately dropped when I said that, and he asked me why not. I told him that I told him before I would never get anyone but my child’s name tatted on me. He said that was stupid and that him and the child should be given the same treatment. I told him it wasn’t the same.
The going back and forth broke out a small argument before he stormed out of the house. I don’t know where he went, but I was so upset I didn’t bother checking at all. It was most likely he ran back to his father’s house, or maybe even his sister’s house.
A few days later, while I was at work, Tanner kept blowing up my phone, along with his best friend Henry. And Henry was calling me all types of degrading names like ‘dumb b-word’ or ‘piggy’ or something like that.
I don’t know and I really don’t care because I don’t even know why he had my number in the first place. Not unless Tanner gave it to him. I was just aware he called me names.
After work I finally picked up one of Tanner’s many calls. And as soon as I picked up, he hit me with the ‘why can’t my name get tatted?’ And. ‘We’ve been married for years, why cant you fully commit to me?’…
I told him it was because I’ve already committed to him the day we got married. He told me that wasn’t enough for him and that I could do more to commit to him and it would make him feel even more loved.
In my opinion, marriage was WAY more than commitment. So in my eyes I already committed to him, so I don’t believe I have to show him how much I love him with a stupid tattoo.
Over the weekend, he came back home, but since Saturday he’s just been quiet and distant, and still is today. I’m not about to lose my marriage over this, but I’m also not going to give in to tattooing his name on me just because he won’t speak to me over it.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
The tattoo is not the issue. There’s something bigger going on here and I’m betting it starts with Henry. ALSO - Why TF is your husband 1. Giving your number out and 2. Allowing a “friend” to talk to you like that??????
Next, Tanner will want to build Henry an art room in their house. Maybe Henry should get the tat.
Right like, this is the first piece of evidence that she should not get this man’s name tattooed on her. If he’s okay with his friends speaking to her like that just because he’s upset with her then he just flat out doesn’t respect her and doesn’t deserve her attention at all much less his name tattooed on her forever.
Permanent ink isn't a love test.
"Henry was calling me all types of degrading names like ‘dumb b-word’ or ‘piggy’ or something like that."
This is absolutely something you should consider losing your marriage over. Your husband and his friends have no respect for you at all. Some Andrew Tate level stuff going on here.
NTA, NEVER EVER get a man's name tattooed on you. you'll be screwed for life. Would he even ever tattoo your name on him (probably not)? The fact that his BEST FRIEND spam texted you horrible disrespectful names and your HUSBAND didn't even do anything about it????
That doesn't even sound like the type of man I'd want to marry, let alone tattoo the name of. At this point you need to promise ME that you'll never get his name tattooed on you!