'AITA for not giving my mother my own birth certificate, SS card, and passport back?'
"AITA for not giving my mother my own birth certificate, SS card, and passport back?"
When I moved out of my mom's house, I took my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport. The passport I've had paid like $200 for recently I asked her if she had my high school diploma and if I could have it so I could get back into school she said that she would look.
But she got really mad that I had my own birth certificate, Social Security card and passport and said that they aren't mine legally they are and I told her that she says that I can get a copy but I can't have the originals and I need to give them back.
I told her no she's more than welcome to get a copy but as for the originals, they are mine she doesn't need them unless she's trying to do fraudulent stuff. I told her if she can get me a copy that's fine but I will not pay for it.
I heard it's a tricky process and I don't want to do that because I have the originals anyway to sum it up. I ended up telling her I'm not going to give you my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport especially the passport since I paid for it because she has no necessity or legal right to it.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Tdluxon wrote:
NTA. You didn't say your age but it sounds like you are an adult, in which case there is no reason why your mom would need any of those things and there are plenty of reasons you should have them (if you want to travel, you will need your passport, etc.).
Not sure if she is trying to pull something shady or is just weird but they belong to you and there's no reason that she should have them or needs them (or your diploma).
OP responded:
I'm 20 and have lived on my own since I was 18.
drinking-up-the-tea wrote:
If you’re old enough to move out those documents are yours to keep. Why does she want them so badly?
OP responded:
I'm not a psychologist by any means, but I suspect my mother to be a covert narcissist, which would mean that she sees me as an extension of herself, and not an autonomous being and so some reason she thinks that she has a right to all of my things other than that, I have no clue unless she's trying to do fraudulent things.
Comfortable-Sea-2454 wrote:
NTA. I ended up telling her I'm not going to give you my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport especially the passport since I paid for it because she has no necessity or legal right to it.
Am guessing you are an adult - your mom no longer has any right to your documents unless you want her to have them. Make sure you do a thorough credit check and see if she has opened any cards/accounts under your social security number. Good luck OP.
OP responded:
How do I go about the credit check?
Icy_Department_1423 wrote:
NTA. You are an adult now and need your original documents. Contact your high school for copies of your records.
I find it really weird that your mother insists on having all of your original documents and trying to say that they don't belong to you. They do. Is there any chance she would be up to anything nefarious, like opening credit in your name? Or does she think you're too irresponsible to hold on to your own documents?
OP responded:
I don't know why she would think that I have lived on my own since I was 18 never had to ask for help with bills or anything.
celticmusebooks wrote:
You don't give your age but your mom is absolutely wrong. Those documents are YOURS-- and under no circumstances should you return them. Is there a trusted adult you can talk to or a school counsellor who can walk you through how to lock down your credit with all three credit bureaus?
If you have any sort of bank account with your mom's name on it I'd recommend withdrawing all of the money and getting a separate account. I know she's your mom but that sounds sketchy as hell and the internet is rife with stories of parents stealing their children's identities to commit credit fraud. Do not give your mom the originals even if she gets a copy. NTA.
Ducky818 wrote:
NTA. If you are a legal adult, your mother has no need for your birth certificate, SS card, or passport. Don't even suggest ways to her for how to get one. I would check your credit file and possibly your SS file. Who knows what your mother has been up to.
Impossible_Zebra8664 wrote:
The social security card and passport are yours, legally, as far as I know. The birth certificate likely belongs to her, but it's not at all hard to get your own copy. If you're in the US, you can order it online.
Regardless, NTA. You're entitled to have your identification documents. Your mom has no business keeping your SS card and passport from you if you're a legal adult, which if you've moved out, it sounds like you are.
MerryMoose923 wrote:
NTA. Those documents are legally yours. Also, copies of these documents are not valid if you need them for ID, opening bank accounts, etc. Do not give the originals back to your mother. Also, don't give her any copies. There is no reason for her to have that information.
If you need your high school information, you may be able to contact your high school for your transcript and proof of graduation. It may be a small fee, but most schools have a process to get that information.
Finally, because your mother is acting so sketchy about your documents, please run a credit report and look for any suspicious or unfamiliar accounts. You can get one free credit report from each of the three agencies per year.