'AITA for not giving my son a list of clothes to pack for a trip? He got offended by my help.'

"AITAH for not giving my son a list of clothes to pack for a trip since he called me an AH for assuming he couldn't think for himself?"

My son 16 lives with my ex. She lets him do whatever he wants. Any time I try and suggest he do something different I get crapped on for thinking he is stupid and that he can't make his own decisions.

I have two younger kids with my wife and we invited my son to come on a trip to the mountains before school starts. He asked if we were camping, which he hates. I said no we were staying at a hotel.

He came along. He packed flip flops, underwear, shorts, and a couple of t shirts.

No jacket, no hoodie, no shoes, no rain gear, no nothing.

He ended up going back to the car on our hike because it was hard in flip flops. He stayed on the side when we went cliff jumping because he didn't bring swim trunks. He more or less spent the entire trip being bored because he didn't pack right. After I dropped him off I got a call from his mother giving me crap for him being bored on the trip since he couldn't participate.

I sent her back the texts that him and her sent me last time I sent him a list of stuff to bring on a visit with me.

In those texts, they berated me for treating him like an idiot who couldn't think for himself what he needed. They are ignoring me now. AITA?

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

DreamofZelda wrote:

NTA. He’s a teen. He won’t learn by listening. Also I feel like going on a trip to the mountains kind of implies you should pack normal shoes. I love my flippies so I didn’t learn to wear real walking shoes the easy way, and maybe he needs the same experience to learn how important these kinds of things are.

ETA - I find it interesting he still sat on the sidelines because he didn’t have swim trunks, yet he packed shorts? Was that his decision to sit out?

Edit 2: Just so people don’t have to go looking, OP says he DID tell his son what the planned activities were, and yes his son had access to hoodies and swim trunks etc (bought by op and recently so they aren’t old/don’t fit) but just chose not to pack them.

OP responded:

Yes. He had thick sweat shorts.

AltruisticGuava9935 wrote:

NTA. There's a delicate balance to be struck when it comes to parenting teenagers – teach them responsibility, but also let them face the natural consequences of their actions. It's clear you're trying to set the stage for your son to become self-reliant. Maybe next time he'll remember the value of proper planning.

Crafty_Special_7052 wrote:

Who hears going to the mountains and thinks flip flops?? NTA he sounds like a typical teen. Honestly I don’t think you should have to send him a list of what to pack. He’s old enough to be able to determine what to pack or he should just simply ask.

IrisAngela wrote:

NTA. Fostering self-sufficiency in teens is a tricky affair and you seemed to have navigated it the best you could. While it's important to prepare them for the road ahead, sometimes the road itself teaches the best lessons. It's normal for any parent to provide advice, but it's equally crucial for a teen to learn through firsthand experience—like realizing the importance of proper footwear on a mountain trip.

WanderingGnostic wrote:

I think it's very interesting how pretty much every NTA vote at this point has been downvoted by the coddlers. Having dealt with two overreactive teenager who yelled at me every time I reminded them of the things they needed or might need on trips. I'm right there with you. He's 16.

He'll be off to college soon, he needs to be aware of how to prepare and pack for events on his own, especially since his mother seems pretty useless in that department as well. So yeah, I'm ready to be downvoted to oblivion as I say you're NTA here. My youngest overreactive teenager is now 21 and gives me the "I know what I'm doing." if I try to suggest something.

Then she still turns around and forgets half what she needs and tends to lose her wallet on top of that. I just shrug and move on with my day. I hope one day she'll figure it out. Her sister was almost 30 when it clicked so there's that. I wish you Godspeed, Good Luck, and good whiskey. You'll need it.

SoullessEarthling wrote:

"He asked if we were camping" and your answer is "no we were staying at a hotel" But did you also tell him that part of your itinerary is hiking and cliff jumping? If you did mention it to him, then NTA. But if not, YTA. If you just said so, I'm sure he'll prepare something to enjoy the trip.

OP responded:

He knew we were hiking and cliff jumping.

PansySara wrote:

Mistakes like these are stepping stones to responsibility. It's all part of the journey from adolescence to adulthood. Next time, he might just value your input a bit more.

NTA.