'AITA for not giving my relatives free legal services? They’ve always treated me as the black sheep.'

"AITAH for not giving my relatives free legal services as a lawyer because they’ve always treated me as the black sheep?"

I grew up in a sh--ty town in Florida. No one in my family ever went to college. The general mindset in my family is to live life in the moment. Everyone’s pretty outgoing. My parents are part of Mardi Gras crews, my siblings all played sports. They’re generally a fun bunch. But I never really fit in. As I kid I liked to read, and I focused really hard on school.

I hated going outside, and I especially hate the heat. I played chess, and was on the debate team. My family all kind of gave me s--t for all of this. They never really made an effort to do things I enjoy, but my parents loved to go to my siblings sports games. They wouldn’t come to my debates. It was the same for all of my cousins, and other extended family.

As I got older I focused on my education and my career. I’ve drifted apart from my family. They only call me when they want something at this point in my life. I’m now happily married, and I have my own practice as a family law attorney. My husband is a judge in the neighboring county. Over the last few years I’ve had several extended relatives reach out to me for legal help or questions.

I always brush them off and tell them I’m too busy. I don’t feel obligated to help because once again, they only reach out to me because they want something from me. Recently though my sister lost custody of her kids to her ex husband. Apparently her lawyer was not so great, so now she only has every other weekend. My sister has a messy past that was drug into court.

My older sister called me begging me to represent her for free and help her get her kids back. I was honest with her, I don’t even know her kids and I don’t really care if she has them or not. I pointed out that she hasn’t called me in years, and yet now she’s asking for me to do her a massive favor, for free. I told her no.

My mother called me to shame me, for not helping my sister, and for not helping any of my other relatives when they’ve asked. I asked her when was the last time any of them called me even just to see how I’m doing. I pointed out that my cousin is a landscaper. He could’ve offered to do yard work for me in exchange for legal services, but instead he just called me up asking for free help.

My sister could’ve offered something, or at least asked to pay me back later, but instead she expects free work. Which isn’t even free, seeing as I have an office to pay for, paralegals to pay, bills to pay. I kind of went off on her, and she ended up just hanging up the phone on me. AITAH?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

dreamybabygirl2 wrote:

Your family only calls you when they need a lawyer, but they expect you to be their free legal superhero? Sounds like they’re trying to draft you into the ‘Family Law League’ without any membership dues!

such_guide2828 wrote:

NTA, as an attorney, I don’t represent family members as a rule. (There are many solid ethical reasons not to represent family members and it makes life easier generally.) The only thing I would do differently is to not have given a reason other than, “I don’t represent family members.”

You probably needed to say something after years of being excluded, and I can understand that, so no, NTA. And: seriously, consider making it a personal policy not to represent family members because it’s completely okay to close that door.

xanthanos wrote:

NTA - sadly it is very common for family to feel entitled to what you do or can do for them. My family is similar and I empathize with you. Do not cave, these people, while family, are emotional terrorists. Do not negotiate with them and do not cave.

SuPruLu wrote:

Many lawyers have a policy of NOT ever giving legal advice to relatives whether they are paid or not. It is too easy for the “family member client” to dislike the result and be a time draw way in excess of what a non-relative would require.

And the legal issues may not be among those you would accept a paying client for. It’s just like doctors not treating relatives. Have a standard referral suggestion to requests like a legal aid clinic or a bar association referral service.

Yvandreamy wrote:

NTA, full stop. It sounds like your family wants to have their cake and eat it too, except in this case, the cake is your hard-earned legal expertise. You've worked your way out of a tough situation and built a career, and it's not fair for them to only see you as a free service hotline.

If they couldn't show up for your debate meets or reciprocate support over the years, why should they get the VIP pass to your professional skills?

Maybe next time they reach out, ask if they're calling for a family reunion or just another 'family discount'. It’s about mutual respect, and you’re just keeping the balance. Hang in there and keep slaying in your legal eagle world!

WiseOwlPoker wrote:

NTA. They're feeling the consequences of being shitty family members. As for the sister, if she lost custody of her kids, that's on her, not her lawyer. While he may have been shitty any first year law student would be able to win a custody case for even a decent women. As courts and judges always heavily favor the mother and female parent. But as a lawyer yoj already know that.

Your sister is paying the consequences of being a shitty parent and paying for her past mistakes. Which safe to assume we're pretty huge if she lost custody of her kids over them.

Best of luck.