'AITA for not going to my friend's 'wedding' after what she said to me?'
"AITA for not going to my friend's 'wedding' after what she said to me?"
A few months ago, a friend of mine told me she was getting married, it wasn't meant to be a regular wedding but more of an elopement kind of thing. We were supposed to be her, the groom, me (as a Maid of Honor) and a Best man, plus a few close family member, about 10 people in total, and it was planned for early November.
I say "wedding" like that in the title because there will be no invites, no "save the date", no ceremony, no walk down the isle, just courthouse and dinner (that comes from the bride herself, I'm not guessing anything). A week ago I got the news that I had gotten a permanent job.
I don't know how to explain it because this is a very typical thing from my country, Spain, where every so often, the government will hire professionals to work either in the administration or in public institutions (education, highschool...) This is usually a great opportunity because these positions are for life (well, until you retire) and they can never fire you.
In order to apply for these positions, you have to take an exam, and then depending on your years of service to the institution and the score you get on the exam, you can get one of those jobs. Long story short, I took my exam last year and last week I got told that I got one of the jobs, but I will be moving cities for that.
When I told my friend this, the only thing she said is "when are you leaving?? Can you still come to my wedding?" No congratulations, no "I'm happy for you", nothing. I must add, two weeks ago I talked to her to know where were we having dinner for her wedding, and she said she didn't have anything planned yet, let alone booked.
Had she told me she had everything booked and that she really needed my RSVP, I would've understood her answer, but in that context, I've decided that if the only thing she cares about is her and her wedding, and she can't be happy for me, I'm not going to the wedding. AITA?
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
houseonpost wrote:
YTA: "the only thing she said is "when are you leaving?? Can you still come to my wedding?"
For some weird reason you are interpreting her comment negatively. Her comment could easily be interpreted as 'You are very important to me and I really hope you can still attend an important event to me.
You are one of only 10 people invited and I'd really like you be there.' Congratulations on your new job.
IAmIrene wrote:
Sounds a little over-reactive to me. You blame her for being all about herself when you are being all about yourself too. You don't have to go because an invite is not a mandate, however, if you aren't going in retaliation for her not being happy for you about your job, then absolutely...YTA.
analyst19 wrote:
YTA. Yes, it's rude that she didn't congratulate your for your job, but in your post you're denigrating her wedding by putting it in quotes. It's clear you were to play an important role that day and you must be close friends if you're the maid of honor and one of just 10 guests. Also, Spain is a small country with good trains. It shouldn't be hard to go back on a Saturday for the wedding.
aur0rasexy wrote:
YTA. While your friend’s reaction may have seemed dismissive, it’s possible she was caught up in the stress of wedding planning and didn’t fully process your big news. Weddings, even small ones, can be overwhelming, and she likely values your presence on such an important day. Instead of immediately deciding not to attend, you should have communicated how you felt about her response.
Friendship is a two-way street, and it’s important to express your feelings rather than make assumptions. Canceling your role as Maid of Honor because of one comment comes across as self-centered and could hurt your friendship in the long run. Talking it out would have been a better approach.
MiddleHuckleberry445 wrote:
YTA. You’re going to skip her wedding because she didn’t congratulate you? Maybe in your own excitement over your own life event, you don’t realize how petty this sounds. Whether she chooses to get married in a church, courthouse, event space, etc.
It’s still a wedding. This person obviously considers you a very important friend if she asked you to be one of so few people in attendance and to fill a special role and you didn’t seem to have one nice thing to say about her or this event in her life.
No-Locksmith-8590 wrote:
YTA a courthouse wedding is still a wedding. They're married at the end of the day. So you can drop that snide attitude.
She can say the same of you 'she only cares about herself and her job and she can't be happy for me!'
scythelover wrote:
YTA. Sounds like you’re just finding an excuse to bail out of this wedding. Unless the only conversation you had with her when you mentioned your new role is those two questions she asked you and you stomped out or something, then it seems you went nuclear and want to create a mountain out of a molehill.