'AITA for not helping my brother and my ex with their kid and telling my parents to step up?'

"AITA for not helping my brother and my ex with the kid they had together and telling my parents to step up if help is deserved?"

I (25m) was dating Jade (24f) for four years. We broke up several months ago when I found out she'd been sleeping with my brother Tommy (24m) for months or maybe even years.

Hell maybe they were secretly cheating since the start. I don't even know anymore. Jade and I lived together and I thought we were expecting a baby together. Then I walked in on them. I didn't catch them in the middle of s*x or even in bed. But it looked intimate and way too comfortable. They told me I was imagining things and I said I didn't believe them. Tommy said he'd never do me like that.

We're brothers and we're there for each other and BS like that. I broke up with Jade. She and Tommy still said I was crazy and nothing was going on. But once Jade realized I was serious and I wasn't supporting her through the pregnancy any further and wanted a DNA test, Tommy came crawling to me begging for me not to put Jade or his kid at risk.

He told me I could be the dad and raise the baby and he'd never be with Jade again but she wanted what I could offer her and the baby and he wanted the best for his kid. Our parents were shocked by what had happened. But also frustrated because Tommy was bouncing from job to job after college. He had no stability or stable income and Jade wasn't in a much better position.

While I had gone to trade school and was earning good money and had stable employment already. They berated Tommy and Jade like crazy and I stepped away from the two of them. I said I would only step back in and communicate with Jade if the baby was mine. And I said I'd pay for a DNA test.

Even without knowing they tried to list me as the father on the birth certificate but luckily I needed to be there so that failed. My parents paid for Tommy to take a DNA test the same time I did and the DNA proved he was the father, not me. Jade begged me to take her back and she said the baby was really ours no matter what DNA said. I blocked her everywhere after that and did the same with Tommy.

They still tracked me down in public but I ignored them. I told Tommy we weren't family anymore and to remember that he was the one who broke our relationship, not me. The baby's about 4 months old now. And my parents are taking issue with the fact I ignore that the baby exists like I now ignore that Tommy and Jade exist.

They told me I could have sent the baby a gift or something. That I'm still the uncle if I'm not the father. I told them I wanted nothing to do with the mess and it's up to Tommy and Jade to figure this shit out. My parents argued that a good uncle was still important and the baby hasn't done anything to deserve being rejected.

I said the baby is innocent but they're attached to the parents who are both pieces of shit who deserve nothing from me. I told my parents we're talking about the same people who expected me to believe that I'd raise the kid as my own and they'd stop cheating. Who tried to force my name on the birth certificate. Those people. I said the baby might be doomed but I don't feel responsible for saving them from that life.

My parents said Tommy and Jade need help for the sake of the baby and the baby's wellbeing should be all anyone cares about. I rolled my eyes and my parents told me to take this seriously. And there had been a 50% chance the baby was mine. How could all those feelings just vanish like that.

They said the baby deserves that and even Tommy to a point because no matter what he's still my brother. I suggested that they should step up if they feel help is so deserved because I'm not gonna. They said I was breaking their hearts and Tommy's heart and one day I'd break the baby's heart too. And to think about the bigger picture. AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

eratoesben wrote:

NTA - protect your peace. You were betrayed by two people who were closest to you. You owe them nothing, reinforce this to yourself! They did not make a mistake, they made conscious decisions over and over again and were even going to pass off your brother’s child as your own.

Ignore the dog whistles and focus on yourself as they sure as hell did. Get therapy, surround yourself with people who support you and your choices. Sometimes it’s not enough to cut out just those two toxic evil people but their enablers too. I wish you all the best and hope you have a life full of happiness.

OP responded:

It was a lot of conscious decisions too. From the cheating to the lying when I did find out, to the trying to manipulate me to take responsibility for their choices and then even attempting to put me on the birth certificate.

So much f--king around on me and my parents suggesting I shouldn't hate Tommy is crazy to me. He's their son and the baby's their grandkid so I get that they won't cut him off. But to expect me to finance his decisions and be there for him like before? It's wild. I'm lucky I have other, better people in my life.

eratoesben responded:

Hold your head high, you have done nothing wrong and do not deserve this. You are awesome and a better person but remember that being a better person does not mean burning yourself to warm others.

Do not waste your time fighting with their words, grey rock them or go NC whatever is best for you. Your parent’s choice is blinded but love but it doesn’t mean that yours has to be. You’ve got this OP, one day at a time and one less horrific Christmas dinner at a time. Your happily ever after is out there.

OP responded:

Thank you. I'm spending some time to work on me so hopefully in the future I can be the best future husband and father possible. Right now I'm not in a place for anything big like that to happen.

JTBlakeinNYC wrote:

NTA. Honestly, I would move as far away as possible, and cut them off entirely. But if that feels like too big of a step, just block your brother and ex and inform your parents that the next time they bring it up, you’ll go no contact with them also.

OP responded:

I blocked Tommy and Jade already. Next step might just be my parents.

Technical-Sea-3945 wrote:

There had been a 50% chance the baby was mine’—nah, there was a 100% chance your brother was grimy. Your parents can play babysitter if they care so much, but you’re out here dodging generational stupidity like Neo in The Matrix. Stay strong, King.

Puzzleheaded-Ask157 wrote:

NTA. My family have what I always thought was a nasty habit of cutting people off for the strangest of reasons, my grandmother recently cut off my mother for looking after her in her home after she had a minor stroke, rather than leaving her in hospital?!- reading this, I’m starting to think they are onto something!

You have absolutely no responsibility towards your brother, your ex or their child. I’m sorry your parents have taken leave of their senses because “ahhhhh baby”. You said you have other people in your life, lean on them and leave the crazy where it belongs, behind you in the past.

OP responded:

Right now that's what I'm doing. Being around my parents isn't giving me the right support or anything even close to it. But I have other people in my life who know being the ATM for my brother and ex to go off and have even more kids they can't afford isn't good for me. And who also know it's just not something you can forgive anyway.

Yameretzu wrote:

NTA the ex and brother betrayed you and are in no way the victim, then tried to committ fraud. They deserve nothing. Your parents sound like they want to get out of financial support themselves because the ex and brother aren't very good at looking after themselves so they are trying to put you in that position. But at the end of the day, they are choosing to support them.

Yes the baby is innocent but that doesn't mean you have an obligation to them. Actions have consequences and those are for the parents to deal with.

I agree with some people about moving away. I'd also keep an eye on your credit in case they try to defraud you again!