'AITA for not inviting my ex best friend to my wedding even though I was the MOH at hers?'
Nothing puts the nail in the coffin of a dead friendship quite like being excluded from a wedding.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not inviting her ex best friend to her wedding. She wrote:
"AITA for not inviting my ex best friend to my wedding even though I was the MOH at hers?"
I (31F) had a friend Maria (31F) growing up. We met when we were about 8 or 9, and quickly became best friends. We started slowly growing apart in high school as our schedules changed and almost completely lost touch during college.
By the time we were ~23, we only saw each other once a year at Christmas for our old friend group’s Christmas dinner. Maria got engaged to her high school sweetheart and asked me to be her maid of honor in the wedding. At the time she asked me, we had not seen or spoken to each other in almost 2 years, so it honestly shocked me when she asked, but I agreed.
She asked me about a year before the wedding, and after she asked me to be MOH, she did not speak to me again for 6 months. I had taken it to mean maybe she wanted to rekindle our friendship and reached out a few times during those 6 months to meet up for lunch or hang out, but she never responded.
When she finally texted me, it was to meet up with her and her best friend (one of the bridesmaids) to pick out the dresses for the bridal party. She showed up 3 HOURS LATE. Apparently, she and her friend decided to meet up for lunch and to hang out before meeting me at the mall, completely ignoring our agreed upon time and the fact that I had already said I was there and waiting for them.
I’m not going to go into details of the next 6 months leading up to the wedding, but that should give you an idea of how it went. By the time the wedding day came, I genuinely felt so used and disrespected.
On the day of the wedding, Maria was just mean. I waited until the speeches and the first dance were over, then I left the reception and went home. I have not spoken to her since. It's been about 4 years since her wedding, and I am now engaged and getting married in 2 months.
I did not invite Maria or any of our old friend group. In my mind, our friendship is well and truly dead. Apparently, Maria ran into my sister at a store and were chatting and my sister mentioned the wedding. Maria texted me (honestly shocked she still has my number) to send me her address “so I knew where to send her invitation” and I just responded “thank you, but the guest list is already set. have a nice day.”
She told the friend group and now they’re all blowing up my phone about inviting them ‘for old time’s sake’ and that I owe at least Maria an invitation because I was her MOH. They’ve been posting on social media and now even my mom is getting involved, saying I should invite them all just to keep the peace and out of respect for our old friendship.
My argument is that I haven’t spoken to them in years, and I don’t care about this ‘wedding etiquette’ thing and I don’t owe her an invitation just because I was her MOH, especially considering everything that happened with her wedding. But literally only my fiancé is on my side. So, AITA?
The internet was quick to share their opinions.
ZhuzhZhuzhZhuh wrote:
Then your fiancé is proving to be excellent spouse material! NTA. Invitations aren't memorials for old friendships that have come to the end of their existence. They're for the people who love you, support you, and will be in your life for years to come. And their dates. And maybe a few awkward relatives.
jupiter0342 wrote:
☝🏼This! You owe those people nothing. The friendship died long before you were asked to be MOH. Honestly I’m surprised you hung in there for Maria’s wedding given how she disrespected you and your time simply for dress shopping. Clearly her new friendships are more important to her. Cultive friendships with people who put as much into the relationship as you do.
Waste_Coat_4506 wrote:
I'm so confused why she wanted you to be MOH if she already had a best friend. Are you wealthy? Did she maybe want you to plan/pay for things like the shower or bachelorette party? Whatever the case NTA.
OP responded:
"Are you wealthy?"
God I wish. That would be nice. "Did she maybe want you to plan/pay for things like the shower or bachelorette party?"
Yes and no. The happenings around the bridal shower and bachelorette party is a whole thing that's part of why I was so frustrated. I'm trying to be as understanding as I can about why she made me MOH, and my most charitable thoughts are:
She was maybe feeling obligated to have me as MOH because we grew up together and used to be so close, and she didn't want to deal with questions from her family and our friend group about why I wasn't MOH. And maybe she thought I was expecting it?
And/or 2. Her friend, Lisa, is very nice and sweet, and I mostly got along with her. But she is quite possibly the single most irresponsible person I have ever met in my f#$king life. She could not be counted on to accomplish anything because she would forget to do it, and it always ended up on somebody else (me) to pick up the slack last minute and try to get it done.
So she probably wanted Lisa to be MOH but knew she couldn't count on her to actually do everything that Maria expected. And my least charitable thought is that she valued her friendship with Lisa more than me, so if she made me MOH she could treat me however she wanted and it wouldn't matter because I was more disposable to her. But that's probably too cynical.
AVeryBrownGirlNerd wrote:
NTA. Not only have you not spoken in four years, she was awful to you, and still being so. For her to reach out to your mutuals and having them posted on socials, shows that she and those people are pure drama queens. Keep setting your boundaries. If people have an issue with that, you know where they stand.
wisegirl_93 wrote:
NTA. I guarantee you that if you made her your maid of honor and invited all of your old friends, there would be major drama on your wedding day. Your mom clearly doesn't understand that knuckling under your ex-friend's request would not "keep the peace" but result in what's supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life turning into a nightmare.
As far as I'm concerned telling someone to say or do something they don't want or need to do just to "keep the peace" is just as bad as telling someone to "take the high road" or "be the bigger person" when it comes to dealing with someone who's caused severe emotional, mental, and perhaps even physical pain and suffering to that person.
SheiB123 wrote:
NTA. You have not spoken to these people in FOUR YEARS and they expect an invitation. Tell your mother that she can have a party and invite them but you are NOT inviting them to your wedding. There is NO respect in that friendship and you don't care about "keeping any peace."
OP is clearly NTA here.