'AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding because of her service dog?' UPDATED
"AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding because of her service dog?"
My (27F) wedding is coming up in a few months, and it’s supposed to be a big, elegant affair. My fiancé (29M) and I have been planning it for over a year, and we’ve spared no expense. The venue we chose is stunning but also very strict on rules, particularly regarding pets, due to its historical nature.
They’ve made it clear that no animals are allowed on the property except for legitimate service animals. Here’s where the issue comes in: My sister (25F) has severe anxiety and a psychi-tric service dog, a Golden Retriever named Max, who helps her with panic attacks and other symptoms.
Max is highly trained and well-behaved, but he’s still a dog, and the venue isn’t willing to make any exceptions. When my sister found out about the no-dog policy, she was upset and assumed I would make a case to the venue for her and Max.
The thing is, I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life, and I don’t want anything to go wrong. I’m worried that even though Max is a service dog, he could still cause some sort of issue or be a distraction. Also, I don’t want to start a fight with the venue that could risk our deposit or the entire booking.
So, I told her that while I would love to have her at the wedding, I can’t have Max there. I offered to arrange transportation and a pet sitter for Max nearby, so she could check on him whenever she wanted, but she said that wouldn’t work because she needs him with her at all times. She then said that if Max couldn’t come, she wouldn’t be able to attend, and now she’s not speaking to me.
My parents are furious and think I’m being heartless. They said I should be willing to do anything to have my sister there on my special day. Some of my friends agree, while others think my sister is being unreasonable for putting me in this position. So, AITA for sticking to the venue’s rules and not letting my sister bring her service dog?
The commenters had a lot to say in response.
RealPawtism wrote:
I hope none of your family shows up for your wedding. See how "perfect" the day is when your half is empty. YTA.
OP responded:
If my guest list ends up a little lighter, that’s just fewer people to deal with, honestly. My day will still be perfect because it’s about ME and MY future, not about catering to everyone else’s opinions.
If someone doesn’t want to be there, then they’re not worth having in my life anyway. I’m not losing sleep over it, and I definitely won’t let anyone ruin my day. So keep hoping for my downfall—meanwhile, I’ll be walking down the aisle, unbothered.
shyfidelity wrote:
I think YTA, though it's your wedding. Pretty sh-ty of a venue to bar service animals--not sure that's entirely legal. EDIT: Since they do allow service dogs, I definitely think YTA. It doesn't sound like Max has a history of misbehaving and your sister has him trained well. If your anxiety about your wedding means you'd rather disinvite your sister, you've just gotta deal with the family fallout.
WaryScientist wrote:
Wait so Max is trained and licensed as a service dog? The venue literally can not turn the dog away without violating the ADA…if you don’t want the dog there, stop trying to use the venue as an excuse.
LadyV21454 wrote:
Am I the only one that read OP's multiple comments about "MY vision, MY wedding, and MY special day" and thought "Her poor husband to be - sounds like he had no say in the wedding at all?"
HoshiJones wrote:
Something is off here. If they make exceptions for service dogs, then they'd make an exception for Max. In fact, I think they're legally required to. And how is it "starting a fight" to ask them to accommodate Max?
You're full of weak, untrue excuses to deny your sister what she needs, and for what? So your perfect wedding isn't potentially marred by the presence of a highly trained dog? Have you forgotten the purpose of a wedding? It's to celebrate your love and commitment with family and friends. YTA.
The next day, OP shared an update.
Wow, I didn’t expect my original post to get as much like it did. I’ve gotten a lot of feedback—some of it helpful, most of it just... well, let’s just say it wasn’t what I was hoping for. But since so many people are invested in this situation, I figured I’d give an update.
First off, yes, I was pretty harsh in my responses to some of the comments. I won’t apologize for defending myself, but I do realize that I might have come off more aggressively than I intended. Planning a wedding is stressful, and I let that get the better of me. However, that doesn’t change how I feel about the situation with my sister and her service dog.
After thinking it over and talking with my fiancé, we’ve decided to stick with our original plan. My sister has been informed that if she wants to attend the wedding, she needs to do so without the dog. It wasn’t an easy conversation, and as expected, she wasn’t happy about it.
My parents are upset, and a few family members have even threatened to boycott the wedding, but honestly, I’m okay with that. It’s our day, and we’ve made a decision that we believe is best for us. I understand that a lot of people think I’m being unreasonable or selfish, but at the end of the day, this is my wedding. I’m not going to let anyone else dictate how it should go.
If that means some people don’t show up or that others think I’m a “bridezilla,” then so be it. I’d rather have a smaller, more comfortable event than one where I’m stressed out and worrying about things going wrong. To those who were supportive and offered constructive advice, thank you. And to everyone else who thinks I’m a terrible person—well, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
The internet kept it real in response.
RevolutionaryDot1432 wrote:
Hope you were honest and told her it was YOUR decision and not the venue. The least you could do is own up to your selfishness and complete disregard to your sister’s health. Your relationship with your sister isn’t going to be the same after this, hope you’re ready to face those consequences, but it doesn’t sound like you care about her anyways.
OP wrote:
Oh, I was clear from the beginning, I don’t want the dog there, period. Whether the venue allows it or not doesn’t change the fact that it’s my wedding, and I get to decide what I’m comfortable with. If people think that’s unreasonable, then so be it. I’m not here to make everyone else happy, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. If my honesty rubs people the wrong way, that’s on them, not me.
TrackVol wrote:
OP, please hear me: You're 27 years old. You are going to grow up and gain some maturity at some point in your life. And if you prevent your sister from coming to your wedding or make her feel like s-t about it, you will look back on that choice with deep and profound regret.
Maximum-Swan-1009 wrote:
The type of regret that makes you sick to your stomach. I implore you to rethink this decision. You'll never be able to undo this choice after the fact.
Sheridan_Sinclair wrote:
Honey,you're not a bridezilla, you're a c u next Tuesday-Zilla. I'm going out on a limb here and betting this is your normal personality. I see a lot of quiet nights at home in your future. But hey! Those 6-7 hours on one day of your life are waaaay more important than family, right? Gotta have that Perfect Vision!
OP responded:
You’re really quick to judge. You don’t know the first thing about me, my sister, or our relationship. But sure, go ahead and call me selfish and nasty if it makes you feel better. Funny how everyone thinks they’re an expert on someone else’s life after reading a few paragraphs online. Maybe focus on your own issues instead of acting all high and mighty here. My wedding, my rules—end of story. ❤️