'AITA for not letting my coworker stay at my place even though I have the space?'
"AITA for not letting my coworker stay at my place even though I have the space?"
So I (23f) live alone in a small 2 bedroom house. one room is mine, the other one is basically my everything room. It’s my office, my closet, storage, sometimes I just lay on the floor in there and stare at the ceiling when life sucks lol. it is NOT a guest room.
I’ve lived with horrible roommates before so I worked really hard to be able to afford my own place and I love having my space. It’s literally my safe little bubble. Anyway, one of my coworkers (25f) got into a huge fight with her roommates and they kicked her out.
She was venting at work and I felt bad and was like “that sucks omg” and even sent her a few places to look at. I was trying to be helpful without inviting chaos into my life you know?
Later that night she texts me saying “hey I was thinking maybe I could just crash with you for a few weeks since you live alone and have the space?” I literally got that sinking feeling in my chest. Nooo. No no no.
I’m not even close to her. We’re cool at work but we’ve never even hung out outside of lunch breaks and complaining about our boss. She doesn’t know anything about me. And I don’t know her like that. Why would she live in my HOUSE???
So I replied super politely like “i totally get that you’re going through it but i really value my space and I’m just not in a place where I can have someone stay with me” like i was NICE. didn’t ghost her. didn’t ignore her. just said no.
Next day she’s acting really weird. Then another coworker tells me she said I “let her be homeless” when I “have an entire room to myself.” like GIRL. First of all, she’s staying at her bf’s place. Second of all, I pay to live alone.
That’s the whole POINT. I don’t wanna feel tense or uncomfortable in my own space. I don’t wanna tiptoe around a person I barely know. and I definitely don’t wanna deal with “just a few weeks” turning into “I’m looking but nothing’s coming through yet” for 2 months.
Now people at work are acting like I’m the bad guy. Sorry for not letting a coworker move into my apartment bc she had a bad fight? I don't know. I feel bad but like. Also no. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - I don't understand why a coworker would feel entitled to your home? That's truly bizarre. Her life is not your responsibility. I mean, I could maybe get it if you were super close and good, long-term friends with a deep connection... but a casual coworker??
Ema11e (OP)
Literally just a casual coworker I don’t get it.
NTA. You don't need to find out first hand why her roommates and boyfriend don't want to live with her either.
Ema11e (OP)
I’m definitely understanding it now seeing the reaction after saying no. I am a homebody and really enjoy my personal space given the fact I work two jobs and my home is my only care free space.
Plus how would other coworkers know unless she told them? So that just kind of justifies your decision. Instead of behaving like an adult she went and gossiped to other coworkers to make you look bad because she didn’t get what she wanted. No wonder her roommates didn’t want her there. Plus she has an entire boyfriend she can stay with? Ridiculous.
NTA. For the co-workers saying you're letting the girl be homeless etc etc... Do you see them offering a place for her to crash? Exactly.
Ema11e (OP)
It’s only because I work my tail off with two jobs to have extra space. Would feel pointless if I just handed that free space away.
NTA Maybe the snide co-workers should be housing her if they feel that strongly about it, or pool their resources to get her a home. Beyond it being “not your problem, not your responsibility” accepting a roommate is massive decision and once they’re in, it’s hard as hell to get them out.
It sucks that they’re being immature about it and throwing shade, but she asked and you said no. You’re not an AH for setting boundaries. That’s your space, your home, your safe place. And she probably got kicked out for a reason ?
"I was thinking maybe I could just crash with you for a few weeks"
And establish residency? LOL, I think not. You are NTA but your coworker is entitled as hell for trying to push you into this. You owe her no explanations. She DOES have other resources, she just wants the easiest way out possible for herself, even if that means encroaching on you.
"then another coworker tells me she said i 'let her be homeless' when i 'have an entire room to myself.'"
It's nice, isn't it? When a TA outs themselves like this? It makes them so much easier to spot, lol. That's nothing but manipulation in action to get what she wants out of you. She asked, you said no and that is literally the end of it. You are NOT the bad guy here.
She is trying to maneuver herself into your place for her benefit and I can guarantee you, by her actions you describe here, it would be a miserable situation for you. Protect your space, protect your peace and don't worry about what anyone else thinks because they don't understand what's really going on. You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Absolutely NTA. And now we can tell why her roommates kicked her out and her BF is not letting her live with HIM: she is entitled and obnoxious. Her being homeless is a HER problem not a you problem. And as for your coworkers - if they ain’t paying your bills, then pay them no mind!