'AITA for not making payments towards my wife’s student loans after she insulted my sister?'

"AITAH for not making payments towards my wife’s student loans after she insulted my sister’s education?"

I [36m] have been married to my wife, Anne [28f] for three years. Anne is an Ivy League university graduate. Without revealing too many details, she went to a school that virtually every American knows by name. My sister, Jennifer [40f] went to a different Ivy League school, but one that is considered lower in status than Anne’s.

Jennifer did not graduate. She began suffering from mental health issues during her second year, and so she dropped out.

Anne, however, did graduate, with a degree in philosophy. She works at a law office as a receptionist, making about $40,000/year.

Now, for some reason beyond my understanding, Anne loves talking down to Jennifer. This is particularly odd to me because I didn’t even go to college, and yet she chose to marry me. I began working as a plumber out of high school, and now I own a small business that brings in a yearly profit well into six figures.

Two weeks ago, Anne pushed things too far. While we were out to dinner, Jennifer made mention of her time in college in passing, and Anne said, “Oh, you mean the backup school that you never graduated from?”

This sparked a short argument between the two, but Jennifer decided to be the bigger person and walk away. It was incredibly awkward, but Anne seemed very satisfied with herself. On the drive home, I told Anne that I was done paying off her loans.

She has been enjoying virtually her entire salary as leisure money, but with her elite Ivy League education, she should be able to afford them on her own, right? Anne threw what could best be described as a tantrum, about how they’re too expensive, about how she doesn’t get paid that much, and about how I’m imperiling her financial well-being.

For the last two weeks, Anne has been absolutely insufferable about this. She won’t even talk to me about anything else. She insists that she shouldn't be penalized for over a hundred thousands dollars over what amounted to a short comment. AITA for this?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

xfloralvibes wrote:

It's her responsibility, especially since it was her debt before you even got married. You're not obligated to pay for it. NTA.

OP responded:

My general reasoning was that the sooner she gets her loans paid off, the sooner we can have true financial freedom. I felt like we were partners in marriage, and that all responsibilities should land equally on both of us.

I can see now that she was taking advantage of me.

biteme717 wrote:

NTA, and your wife with her elite ivy league education is ONLY A RECEPTIONIST for 40,000.a year, which makes her philosophy degree worthless. Tell your wife she is no better than your sister because she answers phones all day for a living. Your wife's student loans are not your responsibility.

Hiddenvixen21 wrote:

She thinks little of you and your family. And is only with you because use you’re her cash card.

OP responded:

Yeah, IDK what she even sees in me. When I say something she deems "wrong," she'll gently correct me in this incredibly condescending tone. One time she even tried this for a legal thing my business was going through, which I found absolutely hilarious because her opinion on it was completely different from what my lawyer told me.

I've also noticed that especially when we're meeting new people, she'll slip the name of her school into the conversation as early as possible. She's obviously very proud of her academic achievement, which is something she should be proud of, but she's turning into an AH with it.

Apart-Scene-9059 wrote:

NTA: It's her debt that I assume she owed before the marriage. You have no obligation to pay it.

No-Shock-2055 wrote:

NTA. Anne is has an Ivy league education and she's a receptionist? I think we all know why Anne gets off on talking down to Jennifer. Because, Anne isn't exactly k--ling it in her chosen profession. And no, you shouldn't be paying off your spoiled brat wife's loans.

She's so damn brilliant, I'm sure she'll figure something out. The fact that she claims having to pay her own loans is "penalizing" says plenty about her character.

Bonnm42 wrote:

NTA I would say to her “You mean the Ivy League school you went to that amounted to you getting a job, anyone (even those who didn’t go to college) can get? Is that the job that’s not paying enough for you to pay off your fancy Ivy League school? Maybe you shouldn’t throw stones when you live in a glass house.”

Honestly it sounds like you married a mean girl. I’m surprised you married her. She doesn’t sound like a good person at all. She also sounds like she tries to bully your Sister even tho she is an adult, and that is your family member.

vickeymoon38 wrote:

Your wife is an a--hat. Obviously, she is not that smart. Big brag she got a useless degree from an Ivy league college and makes 40k a year which under any other circumstances would not be enough to pay her loans yet alone live off of in most places.

Her loans make her wage unlivable if it were not for you. I made way more than she did my 1st year out of college 18 years ago and I never went to an ivy league school. I make 3 times that now. Lol she needs to check herself...how embarrassing being a secretary that it takes a certificate/high school to achieve with her big bad Ivy league diploma.

OneLessDay517 wrote:

An Ivy League degree in...philosophy. That gets her a job as...a receptionist.

What exactly is this woman bragging about? NTA. Tell her if she thinks her degree is so superior it should be more than able to pay for itself.

apragopolis wrote:

NTA your wife is awful, but you also don’t seem to like her much and are just…proceeding with this situation? Surely you should be calling lawyers instead of attempting to do some tit-for-tat thing? Honestly, the immaturity of your own response to what should be a relationship-ending level of cruelty and disrespect leads me to believe this is fake.