'AITA for not saying 'hi' to my dad’s girlfriend? She's the reason my parents separated.'

"AITA for not saying 'hi to my dad’s girlfriend?"

So me (14f) and my dad (44m) were super close my entire life. I was the textbook daddies girl. Up until a year ago. For some backstory. My parents divorced about two years ago after they were together for 25 years.

I later find out my dad was texting one of his coworkers (34f) for up to 3 hours a day. I thought it was weird but didn’t think anything of it. But she starts calling my dad and sending me and my brother gifts. That’s when my mom came in and it resulted in them divorcing.

My dad, for some reason, denies everything. But surprise! He tells me only a couple months after my parents divorced that he’s with that same coworker now. Reasonably I was pissed. But he ignored me every time I told him it was too soon to get into a relationship. (He responds with “You just don’t want me to be happy”) Half a year later he says she’s moving in.

I’m, again, pissed off. I never liked her. My dad tried to convince me that she did nothing. But no woman with any self respect would message a married man for hours a day. So while my mom finds out she has a brain bleed he decides to move her in. But that’s a whole other story.

So now I live with her half the time. I stayed in my room every time I was at my dad’s house with my door all the way closed. And apparently she “felt awful” about all of it. But I stood my ground and didn’t interact with her. I do around 20 hours of dance a week so I was able to ignore her for most of the week but the weekends were the issue.

One morning I left my door open to my room and I was on my phone. GF walks by and says hi to me and I don’t respond, she continues walking. My dad then runs into my room then hits me with the “We need to talk” I’m so done at this point so it turns into a screaming match, he calls me narcissistic and childish, I start crying and tell him to get out of my room.

It didn’t get anywhere and didn’t help my dad or his girlfriend’s case in my brain. Present day I refuse to go to my dad’s house at all since I’ve been diagnosed with heart condition. And I’m perfectly content with being at my moms every day. But I miss what I used to have with my dad. So AITA for not saying “hi” to my dad’s girlfriend?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

750turbo1 wrote:

Actually, you have it backwards in one regard- you say that “no woman with any self-respect would message a married man three hours a day." What about a married MAN?? It sounds like you are blaming her for your parents divorce. The person who messed up the marriage was your father. The way it works is a marriage is a commitment between two people.

No one can “break a marriage up” from the outside. Your father stepped OUTSIDE of his marriage for this girl…and it could’ve been anyone. Now, I don’t know where you’re from but in the US you have the right to not say ONE WORD to anyone for the rest of your life if you choose.

So on that, you are free to do what you choose but then you have to suffer with the consequences. What you have to ask yourself is are the consequences worth it?

OP responded:

I totally understand what you mean. I think I’m just still in denial over the whole thing. My family was so close for my whole life I don’t even know what happened.

Just_A_Lil_Weirdo wrote:

NTA. Your adult dad wants you to act like an adult? Dude you are/were 14 and dealing with a lot of changes in a very short time. Health-wise for your mom, dynamic-wise since a lot of relationships shifted, and all of that is on top of being an early teen with all those stressors.

You're NTA for thinking badly about someone who broke up a 25 year old marriage. But lets also remember you were on the phone when the GF said hi. You were busy. Someone who was acting like an adult wouldn't have a bruised ego over someone in another conversation not saying hi in passing.

All this to say, if you think older you is going to regret not reconnecting with your dad. Then go ahead and get the closure, but if you're not ready for that, then take your time. Personally, I'd tell his GF to screw off, but I've had the misfortune of needing to get stronger and more abrasive to prevent people from hurting me. The strength is nice but you shouldn't have to be that strong.

Dangerous-Chart-526 wrote:

NTA. I am not going to judge on texting. I will just take it as a fact, like you had to take it: It happened, it caused effects through a lot of lives. One of those lives was yours. You did nothing, changed nothing and now have to pay for someone else's party. Reasonable to be pissed.

Your dad's GF made a choice. Putting aside the morals of this choice, she made it. Now she gets to deal with the fallout of them. Your dad? Yeah, well, he not only made a choice or two, he as a 44yo man tries to put the burden of adulthood on a child. That is idiotic at best, realistically it is helpless, blind and tone-deaf, worst case it is plainly cruel.

You don't have to like anyone. You don't have to be polite to anyone. Are there situations, where it would be wise, to at least be polite? Yes. But sometimes the politest thing one can do as a human is to ignore the existence of someone, instead of giving them a piece of ones mind. I am sorry you lost your dad. Grieving never gets someone in a good place.

imachillin wrote:

NTA babe! I am so sorry. I’m a Daddy’s girl myself and I truly think the huge issue here is he won’t be honest! You might be able to feel something for him again…maybe forgive but he has got to come clean! No relationship ever prospered on a lie.

And if GF “did nothing” WHY does she feel bad? Yeah…the gaslighting is strong here. Honestly I’m not one to say go NC at your age AND with the health conditions you and your mom are facing it’s not the time.

Tell him you have no room for him until he tells you the entire truth about the GF…from the beginning! Until he does I’d tell him he is the one being childish (only kids keep lying when they are caught FFS) and narcissistic by putting his needs in front of your feelings and THE TRUTH! NTA and I am praying for you and your momma babes!