'AITA for not telling my friend's wife that he was living in my house?
"AITA for not telling my friend's wife that he was living in my house?"
So I (29F) married with a toddler has been friends with Sam (29M) since high school For context: It’s a small circle of friends. All boys except for me. We travel a lot. We have never been physical or had feelings for each other it’s just Platonic friendship.
When they got together with their partners we have travelled only with their significant others. And I have been friends with their partners and vice versa. I meet up with the girls without the boys too. Sam and his wife Roma (29F) have been together since then. So She became part of the same crowd as well.
I got married first. And my husband and I have a great marriage. We are happy. The following year others got married too. So the drama unfolded last year. My husband is away for work purposes. Sam and Roma have been married for almost 5 years now.
Their relationship has ALWAYS been pretty outwardly terrible. Don’t get me wrong she is a good friend. But their relationship was a mess. She has anger issues and Sam always ignore her tantrums. You must think how I know this.
They fight In front of the whole crowd for silliest and stupidest things. ARGUE. SHOUTING and what not. My friends and I never poked our nose into their relationship, cause I have a belief that if my opinion is not asked that means it isn’t required in the first place.
One day they got into a huge fight, over Sam wanting to meet our mutual other friend (29M) for a game night. Roma got so mad over this and told Sam to move out from the house. (This isn’t the first she told him to leave).
Sam thought she’d come around when her tantrums were over. But everyday ends, her belittling him and shouting. And on the 3rd or 4th day he got a msg from Roma saying that she doesn’t even want to see his face and a bunch of other crappy things and had packed his stuffs when he went to home after work.
He got so heartbroken and maybe it was his last straw to work things out. On the next day I got a call from Sam upset and told me all these things. And ask for my help since he doesn’t have a place to stay.
I had a spare room. I told my husband and we offered the spare room for rent. He works in shift and I do too. So we rarely see each other although we share a roof. I told Sam to tell Roma that he lives at my place but he was like only of she asked.
He was clearly over with her and didn’t want to get back. Cause after separating he tried multiple times to sit nicely and talk which ended up is more SHOUTINGS AND ARGUMENTS. He was kinda fed up by then.
After 7 or 8 months. He filed for divorce. And Roma found out that he was living here. She texted saying thank you for helping him and that she’s glad I was there for him. But after 2 or 3 days I got multiple texts blaming me for not telling her and also implying that we are having an affair.
I told her very nicely that she could have just asked me or talked about them having problems, I would have known. And would not hide that fact. But She’s saying that I ruined their marriage by not telling her that he is living at my place. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, she's looking to blame anyone and anything but herself for the consequences of her actions, so don't take anything to heart. She's lashing out, like she apparently does with everything, so mute her texts. Or block her, why keep a friend with anger management issues and zero accountability?
NTA. Just curious. Did other people in the friend group know he was living at your place? It does not matter.I'm just wondering why she was only mad at you??
Break your rule and tell Sam to leave her. Sam either has no spine or he believes she'll change. Roma is awful. NTA.
NTA. I can understand that she didn't call you to talk about their relationship troubles, simply because she might have another friend that's closer to her and that she's more used to discussing these things with, but it's weird to me that she never asked him where he was staying after she kicked him out.
In the end, you and Sam were friends first. You and your partner helped him out by renting a room to him. Why would you feel the need to contact Sam's wife and tell her he's at your place?
They were still talking. You had no reason to assume she didn't know. I think Roma is just looking for any random thing she can blame the divorce on so she doesn't have to face the reality that it was her own behaviour that caused it.
Roma is abusive. She chased her husband out of their house and then blamed you for it somehow. NTA.
NTA. Roma is clearly in the wrong and dealing with her own issues (she seems like a textbook case of BPD) and has no right to dump those issues onto you. Her first text to you was the correct one: you were there for him and helped him. You handled this well with open communication and honest, good intentions. Roma's outbursts don't change that.
ESH. Obviously that’s rude what Roma did but the whole “only girl in the male friend group teehee” thing makes me think you’re probably not telling us a lot of stuff.
NTA…They were separated for eight months? And she had no idea where he was? Why does she even care? She is looking g for someone else to blame other than herself, because Sam has finally seen the light and fined for divorce.
It was not up to you to disclose who lives in your home. Next time she pulls the blame crap, tell her that Sam living in your and your husbands home had nothing to do with the end of her marriage and maybe she take a look in her mirror.