'AITA for not telling my stepsister her husband was paying me to watch their son when they were separated?'

"AITA for not telling my stepsister her husband was paying me to watch their son when they were separated?"

My stepsister and her husband separated for over two years because my stepsister didn't feel like her husband was a present enough father. In his defense, he works a lot and is the only reason she has such an easy life, so our family did think she was making a huge mistake but we chose to stay out of it because she's overly sensitive and would've taken anything we said the wrong way.

Her husband didn't want to divorce so she gave him a long list of terms he had to follow for her to consider getting back together. One of the terms were that when their son was with him he couldn't hire a nanny to care for him because she wanted him to prove he would put their son before work and everything else.

Sometimes he just couldn't do it so he asked me to watch their son multiple times, including once when he went abroad. He asked me not to say anything to my stepsister and since the money was good I kept his secret. My stepsister took him back 3 months ago which is when our arrangement stopped. Unfortunately, my husband let something slip in front of her which made her suspect.

She asked me, and I'm horrible at lying so it all came out and now she's angry at both me and her husband. The aftermath hasn't been great and she's considering leaving him again which is making him threaten me and my husband in turn. My family are taking his side even though none of this would've happened if it wasn't for him. AITA?

People had a lot to say in response.

NakedLifeCoach wrote:

ESH.

She made unreasonable demands. He didn't live up to his agreement. You kept it secret.

Suzig338 wrote:

YTA. You took money to lie to your sister about her marriage. Whether you agree with her or not, Gross.

embarrassed_advice59 wrote:

Uhh ESH but mostly you and the husband. Your step sister has every right to want to separate again because he lied about their child’s care. You’re not a stranger but him lying is a massive breach of trust. Also I feel like we need more context on how unreasonable her demands were. Not wanting to be a married single parent is a valid concern.

Responsible-Ebb2933 wrote:

YTA. It doesn't matter if you agree with why your step sister wanted a divorce. You knew that she wanted him to be their for the child, and you allowed him to use you to circumvent being responsible and present for the child.

cassiesfeetpics wrote:

YTA. "In his defense" why are you defending him? And not your sister who's raising a child alone?? Why do you think he deserves slack but your sister doesn't deserve an involved husband??? You took money and kept a secret from your stepsister because you're (not so) secretly jealous of her and projecting your feelings.

Wifevsofficewife wrote:

After reading the post I'm going to say YTA, her husband is YTA too. You say he works all these hours and provides a fancy life but you never say if your stepsister even wants all the fancy stuff or if she would rather he cut down on work and actually spend time with his family. It seems to me that she just wants family time and he just wants to work.

But to lie to a mother about their own children puts you wayyyyy past the boundaries of ah behavior. Imagine it was your kids and when your husband was supposed to be watching them he just drops them at someone else's house. Be prepared to never see your sister or nieces/nephews again. I wouldn't want to associate with you if I were your sister. Do better.

wylderpixie wrote:

YTA. Way to play the wicked stepsister here. I would be going no contact with you after that if I were her. You don't get to fucking lie to a mother about where her child was and with who. And all your dragging on your sister for wanting checks notes a husband who prioritizes their child. You said it yourself, the money was good. There was no principle you're standing on here, you're just an AH.

gurlwithdragontat2 wrote:

YTA! You can’t say you weren’t involved when you knew him watching and parenting their child was important. You kept the child while he took a vacation! Be real, the level of expectation for parenting that you have for him is much less than her.

Why is he so in need of and deserving of your help and defense? Moreover, why is your family defending him being a half assed dad, and supporting the behavior? She said he foists off the responsibility of parenting and her does.

She said he should spend more time with the kids, and he’s isn’t.

You chose a side, just not your stepsisters.

One_chic_chick wrote:

YTA. It doesn't matter if you think your stepsister was being reasonable or not, she has a right to not be in a marriage she doesn't want to be in.

She set the terms she would be willing to get back together with her husband, and you helped him lie to her so she would continue a marriage she was unhappy in, and predictably you were all found out, so now she's back to square one with the added betrayal of you all lying to her.

LetTheWorldBurn1776 wrote:

ESH, with caveats.

OP's TA because they took the money happily and KNEW they were keeping a secret from Stepsister. NO caveats for OP.

Husband is TA with the caveat of what exactly was he expected to do, especially if he was paying spousal support and the like which relied on his working. Stepsister is TA with the caveat of what exactly was her laundry list of expectations and was she expecting Husband to still keep up the lifestyle.

HavocandConsequence wrote:

So 'she's overly sensitive' = 'she doesn't put up with my family's BS' and 'I'm a horrible liar' = 'I couldn't wait to tell her and stir up lots of drama', right?

YTA, and your brother is deeply manipulative.