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'AITA for not telling my wife that I knew she cheated a decade ago and not wanting to stop cheating?'

'AITA for not telling my wife that I knew she cheated a decade ago and not wanting to stop cheating?'


"AITA for not telling my wife that I knew she cheated a decade ago and not wanting to stop cheating?"

About a decade ago, My friend discovered my (43M) wife (43F) with another man in a bar being lovey dovey. He informed me about it and showed me the photos. I wanted to confront her but my friend told me to prepare for divorce before doing anything. I booked an appointment and even drew papers. But I never served her. My confidence was in the toilet and I decided to find another woman first before divorcing her. Which I am now being told has a name, it's is called: monkey branching.

When I started my own affair I decided to end the marriage after Christmas, then it became new year. My next deadline was after kids birthdays, but I never pulled the trigger. I realized that I like my life. I get to have fun with other women while not worrying about relationship things with them. I have a steady gf for past 4 years who knows about my wife. Initially I dont think my wife even noticed that I was having an affair, most likely because she was busy with hers. Then it became new normal that I will be gone with my buddy on hikes and stuff.

My friend always covered for me, but his wife found out few months ago and told my wife. My wife confronted me and I just told her I knew about her affair and I even have a photo. She was shocked and then started crying. I thought she will get off my back after that but no, she told me that affair was a mistake and she got carried away and stopped it. I told her I dont really care to know about her affair.

She asked me to go to couples therapy which I refused, she has started individual therapy. Her therapist is feeding her mind with rubbish. She came and told me that I need to cut off my GF and work on our marriage. She said she has made a mistake but she is creating boundaries for herself and I should respect them. I said fine I will cut off things with GF.

I obviously was not gonna cut off my GF just because my wife told me to, but I decided to keep things down low but she caught me again. I guess she has become very vigilant. She gave me an ultimatum, I said fine. She didnt believe me and she was not wrong.

She asked me what I want in exchange and I told her that I like my life. I am not gonna change it one bit and definitely not because she wants me to. I like spending time with my GF and I will continue to do so as long as I want. I just want her to be a wife that she has been for past decade and don't come in my way. She asked me what I will do if she comes in my way. I said I will just go around her.

She said I cant keep punishing her for one mistake and I didnt say anything in return. I am not really punishing her, she is punishing herself, all she has to do is enjoy her life like she did for the past decade. Turn a blind eye and not care. I dont even mind if she gets a side piece for herself. As long as she is good domestic partner I am not gonna leave her and definitely not till the kids are out of the house. I am not doing anything she hasnt done so I dont see why she is so upset.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

DebonairWB6 said:

43? Y’all too damn old to be acting like that lol.

CleverCookie_or-not said:

ESH. Please divorce for the sake of the kids.

Alarming_Reply_6286 said:

What are you people doing? At any point has anyone thought about the kids? You’re both responsible for your own participation in your marriage. What are you teaching your kids right now? Your marriage has failed. Why are you choosing to show your kids how to live in an unhealthy relationship? Y’all are very immature & selfish.

You both failed your partnership perhaps it’s time to step up & try to be better parents. Stop pointing fingers at each other. Own your own actions & stop trying to control each other. Do either of you want to do the right thing for your kids future? ESH — you’re both wrong & your kids are getting the consequences of your behavior.

AffectionateWay9955 said:

Why do you like your life? What’s so great about it? It sounds like hell to me. You live a life full of relationships based on lies and secrets and resentment. That’s not a good family. That’s not happiness. I would recommend living an authentic life.

swaythrow13579 said:

This is just toxic. Move on for yourself and your kids. Your wife reaped what she sowed so she can deal, but this entire dynamic will probably be THE talking point of your kids future therapy sessions. Do something healthier for them.

Everyone unanimously agreed that everyone involved is at fault in this situation. What's your advice for this mess?

Sources: Reddit
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