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'AITA for not thinking of my sister's needs? I won't give my blessing for my family to move.'

'AITA for not thinking of my sister's needs? I won't give my blessing for my family to move.'

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"AITA for not thinking of my sister's needs by saying I won't give my blessing for my family to move unless I can stay with my grandparents?"

My sister (12f) has a bunch of different needs. She's got a physical disability, she's autistic and she has learning disabilities too. Because she has so much going on with her our parents always focused more on what she needed.

My parents even sold the house we used to live in and downsized to a rental so they could afford more for her because they were struggling even with all the money they got for her.

It meant I (15m) don't have an actual bedroom anymore and my parents had to move stuff around and put up a curtain so I could have something. I got used to being home alone from a young age when I got home from school until my grandparents insisted I should spend the time at their house while my parents brought my sister to all her appointments.

There are also years I had to postpone my birthday party the day of because my sister was having a bad day and my parents were too tired after being up with her all night to have it go ahead. Whenever the parties did happen they were smaller and some people didn't let their kids come because my parents had a reputation for not going ahead with stuff. My parents never wanted my grandparents to help.

They just wanted us to deal with it and for me to be okay with making sacrifices for my sister. Another sacrifice they had me make was not joining the coding club when I started high school. I really wanted to be a part of it but my parents said it meant travel sometimes for competitions my school enters and they said it wasn't something they could promise to let me do.

They said it wasn't fair to my sister if we had to go somewhere and she had a hard time with it. But now they want to move.

There's a school they found that parents of special needs and disabled kids have said is really good.

But it's in another state. My sister qualifies for her tuition to be paid in full but it means we'd all need to move. My parents told us they wouldn't move unless everyone was on board and then they hyped it up. They said it would be great for our family and giving our "blessing" to move means we can all have such a great life there.

But I don't want to move. It means leaving my friends and my grandparents behind and they keep me sane. I told my parents I didn't want to move but they could have my blessing if they let me stay behind and live with my grandparents. They didn't listen to me at first and told me why it was the best thing for my sister.

I said I heard them the first time. But I don't want to move. I told them my friends are here, my grandparents are here and if I move I have nobody. They said it's not true and I have them and my sister. I said they're too busy with my sister for me. It means being alone every day after school, it means no friends, no family, nobody around for me.

I said even if it's better for my sister I don't want to sacrifice more. So the only way to get my blessing is to let me stay. I told them my grandparents were okay with it and we talked about me living with them so they could just focus on my sister. Which did actually happen btw. They always said I had a place with them.

My parents told me I'm not thinking of my sister's needs and how unfair I'm being and they can't just move without me. They're pissed that my grandparents would take me in too and they argued with them over it after they basically told me I was being too selfish about this. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

rainbowsensation wrote:

NTA. Your sister's needs are important, but so are yours. You've sacrificed enough, no room, no parties, no coding club—and now they want to uproot your whole life again? Wanting to stay with your grandparents and have some stability isn’t selfish, it’s reasonable. Let them focus on your sister while you get to have a life too.

OP responded:

Yep. They want me to give up everything. I won't know anyone there or have anyone for support and it sounds like that area's really expensive so most likely still no bedroom for me. I have a bedroom at my grandparents which would be nice. It's been years since I had one.

Atlantic_Nikita wrote:

NTA. You are actually being very mature about all this, even more then your parents. I think the option you Gave them is the best for all of you. As an adult i think the only real reason they want you to go its because it would "look bad" leaving a child behind for others to raise. Have your grandparents talk to them and maybe they can reason with your parents. Good luck. Hope you can stay with your grandparents.

OP responded:

They've been fighting a lot over it. My parents are angry my grandparents would ever tell me living with them is an option so I don't think my grandparents can convince them. My parents are too angry.

laysalon wrote:

You’re NTA for wanting to stay with your grandparents and not wanting to move. It’s clear that you’ve made many sacrifices over the years for your sister and that your needs have often been overlooked. You’re in a tough spot, feeling that your family dynamic has forced you to give up things you care about, like your coding club and social connections, in order to prioritize your sister’s needs.

Your request to stay with your grandparents isn’t unreasonable. It sounds like they’ve offered a stable environment for you, and you’ve thought carefully about what you need to maintain your own mental health.

It’s also understandable that you’re frustrated by how your parents have made decisions about the family without fully considering your perspective. Your parents are likely acting out of a desire to do what’s best for your sister, but it’s important that they also consider your well-being.

You’ve communicated your feelings clearly, and while they may feel hurt by your decision, it’s not wrong for you to want to stay where you feel supported and have a sense of stability.

You’re not being selfish; you’re advocating for your own needs after years of making sacrifices for your sister. It’s a difficult situation, but your feelings are valid, and you have a right to ask for a living situation that helps you thrive.

little-beauty wrote:

NTA. You're being honest about your feelings and doing it for yourself, which is important given the sacrifices you've already made for your sister. It's not selfish to prioritize your own mental health and stability, especially when your grandparents are willing to support you.

Your parents may feel torn, but their focus on your sister shouldn't come at the cost of your well-being in my opinion. It sounds like you’ve thought this through carefully, and your request to stay with your grandparents is a reasonable compromise.

Sources: Reddit
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