'AITA for not wanting a bond with my granddaughter after her uncle to walked her down the aisle?'

"AITAH for not wanting to maintain a bond with my granddaughter after my daughter asked her uncle to walk her down the aisle at her wedding?"

For context, a month before my daughter married her husband, I filed for divorce from my wife. My wife had emotionally cheated on me for a couple of months, and I couldn’t really get over it.

Now while the timing wasn’t great, I just did not want to be with my wife anymore, and I did not want to pretend to be happy with her. My wife and I informed our daughter, and we were honest about what happened since our daughter was an adult. However, my daughter was devastated, and asked how could I do this to her just a month before her wedding.

She said her mom clearly regretted what happened, and was desperately trying hard to save the marriage. But my daughter said regardless, she understood my decision to divorce, but why would I do it just a month before her wedding and the happiest day of her life. The whole thing was a mess, but my daughter did get over the shock after a week or so.

But my daughter was really angry with me, and even though I was invited to the wedding, she withdrew the invitation for walking her down the aisle, and she asked her uncle to walk her down the aisle instead. It did really hurt me, but it was also my daughter’s special day so I didn’t throw any fuss, and at the end of the day, I was happy for my daughter. She at least did the father daughter dance with me.

However, after the wedding, I gradually distanced myself from my daughter. My daughter understood the reason for it. A year later, my daughter apologized for not asking me to walk her down the aisle. I told her it was ok, and there was no reason to apologize, but there was also no reason for us to have a bond anymore.

My daughter thankfully understood my decision. It hurt me telling all these things, because my daughter looked really sad. But it was time I put myself first.

A few months ago, my daughter gave birth to her first baby.

And over the past couple of months, my daughter has been calling a lot and apologizing and crying, because she really wants her daughter to have a bond with me. But the truth is I just don’t care. I feel emotionally detached, and at this stage in my life, I don’t want to put effort into someone who betrayed me so badly. AITAH?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

reddit-just-now wrote:

I lost my Mum two years ago. Now, your ex-wife is (thankfully!) still alive, but your daughter's behaviour, and yours, remind me of my own behavior and my father's following the loss of my Mum. Just....pain, everywhere. I couldn't talk to my Dad, because I couldn't handle his pain, as well as my own.

My Dad now feels emotionally distant from all his children, even those who've been in constant contact, (and by extension, from his grandchildren) because he's numb with grief and (understandably!) resentful because his later years aren't going as he planned.

What you (and your daughter) are experiencing sounds like anger masking grief. It is totally understandable, but my best advice is to talk to your daughter and enjoy your grandchild. Let the child heal the rift between you.

There's a whole new vista of love and adventure wrapped up in that kid for you, right there. It's not really a matter of "who's the AH?" It's a matter of what's going to make the rest of your life happiest. I'm an internet stranger, so disregard if you like, but...I'd be grabbing the new opportunity for joy and love with both hands if I were you! All the best.

GMO-doomscroller wrote:

You’re throwing away your relationship with your daughter AND a granddaughter over one walk down the aisle? You’re not just TA, you’re an idiot who is going to die alone if you don’t swallow your foolish pride. Seriously, wake up!

Illustrious-Sea-5596 wrote:

You seem to put yourself first a lot dude. You’re putting pride and ego above everyone else. While I hate that you were emotionally cheated on and your pain is valid, you’re acting like a child instead of acting like a father. Pity party for one bud.

Adorable-Pear6694 wrote:

YTA. Your daughter was understandably upset about the timing of your divorce, but she still included you in her wedding, and even later apologized. You’re the one who decided to distance yourself, and now you’re holding a grudge over something that happened during a really emotional time for everyone.

She wants her child to have a relationship with you, and you’re shutting her out over hurt feelings from years ago. That’s on you.

EnterGingerbreadman wrote:

Your daughter made a decision in the heat of the moment of her parents divorce. She still let you do the first dance.

She apologized about not letting you walk her down the aisle but invited you back into her life, apologized, and offered you a place in your grandchild’s life and instead of being mature and realizing that you are the parent in this situation you decided that you were done with her snd any kids you might have.

I’m sure you’re having a fun (and deserved, as the victim of emotional affairs I empathize with you) but as the parent of kids that sometimes will tell me they had me and throw fits… YTA. Have fun living the rest of your empty life without your kid or grandkids. Hope staying mad at her over a one minute procession is worth missing out on your daughter and grandkids lives.

I’m sure you’ll marry another woman and play happy dad/ grandpa to them, and one day when you realize how unfulfilled you are, for your sake I hope your daughter shows even a tenth more grace than you’re showing her and allows you back in her life. But I wouldn’t blame her if she doesn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

ytisonimul wrote:

"There was no reason for us to have a bond anymore"

Wow really? That's some weak father/daughter relationship. YTA for not wanting to rebuild a relationship with her; she's TA for not allowing you to walk her down the aisle; your ex is TA for starting all of this mess to begin with.

Now that there's a chance for any sort of reconciliation, you just don't see a reason, not even a grandbaby. She's well rid of you.