'AITA to not wanting to hijack my BIL's honeymoon alongside my wife?'
"AITA to not wanting to hijack my BIL's honeymoon alongside my wife?"
I (28M) have been married to my wife (27F) for 2 years now. Financially we've both been struggling a bit in the past years, but our situation is mostly fine now, even tho we still live a relatively modest life and we can't afford to casually go to expensive trips in other countries. Even our honeymoon was "only" a trip to a beach from our country where we've been already and even that cost us quite a lot.
My wife's older brother (33M) is definitely much wealthier than us and is known for spoiling his now fiancee (30F) with gifts and expensive trips. My wife definitely commented a couple of times on it and I could feel she was secretly jealous about it.
She and her brother are definitely very close to each other and he helped us quite a bit during the times we were struggling financially and he even allowed her to be a bridesmaid at his his wedding (even tho my wife and my BIL's fiancee aren't really close).
Yesterday my BIL announced in front of their family that he wants to reward his sister for putting so much effort into planning his wedding by full on paying for both of us to go together with him and his fiance on their honeymoon in Paris for a full week.
Before I could say anything my wife immediately accepted it and hugged her brother, but then his fiancee started going at him about inviting us to their honeymoon without discussing it with her beforehand and my BIL defended hinself by saying he just wanted to help his sister experience something she can't do on her own.
They were arguing when my wife suddenly intervened and told his brother's fiance to stop acting like such an entitled brat cause not everyone's as lucky as her to have a wealthy enough partner to support them. BIL's fiance started yelling at my wife about how she's just a leech to her brother who took over her wedding and now wants to invade her honeymoon too.
I eventually got my wife out of there and on the way out I told her that maybe it'd be better for us to refuse going on my BIL's honeymoon as his fiance's clearly uncomfortable with it. She asked me if I was an idiot for wanting to pass up a trip to Paris for free, that she worked way too hard to convince her brother to invite us for her to back up from it now.
I told her that maybe she can arrange something else for us and I don't want to be the reason a marriage falls apart, but my wife told me their marriage is not our business but theirs and if it falls apart it'd be only my BIL's fiance's fault.
I told my wife I want no part in this and I won't be going on this "shared honeymoon" and she started arguing with me about how she can't believe I'll act this way when she only did this for us and said that she'll take her brother's offer without me if she has to. We ended up sleeping in different beds and even today's my wife's still giving me the cold shoulder. So AITA for my refusal?
The internet had a lot of opinions about the scenario.
NaryaGenesis wrote:
Your wife is showing her true colors. She is a hateful jealous person and she doesn’t care about her brother. She cares about his money. No sibling who actually cares would pull this.
Might want to think about what this really means of her as a person.
Lucky-Effective-1564 wrote:
NTA. This is odd. Why is your wife taking over their wedding arrangements? Does she discuss them with BIL and his fiancée? The comment from the fiancée implies not.
OP responded:
I think she discusses the wedding planning with her brother's fiancee cause she complained about her being difficult to work with, at the time I thought it was just the usual pre wedding drama a bride has with her bridesmaids and that it'll be settled once the wedding's over but that definitely won't be the case now after what happened last night.
booboo73 wrote:
NTA. She had to work hard to convince her brother to take her on his honeymoon? WTF is wrong with her? Your wife is acting like a spoiled, selfish brat and her brother is either stupid or spineless for giving in to her. Think you and your SIL both need to think long and hard about what your futures are going to look like.
kurokomainu wrote:
NTA. Your wife is showing a really ugly side of herself. There's no way that (underneath) she doesn't know that what she is doing is wrong.
She is in full-on denial because she both wants to exploit her brother and doesn't want to feel bad about herself, which means that she has to tell herself that what she is doing is just fine and that anyone opposing her or getting in her way is the AH -- that means SIL and now you.
HorseFuneralPriest wrote:
What the hell did I just read? NTA. I am really baffled that your BIL would announce that without consulting his bride and that your wife would accept even though it upsets the bride - whose happiness and comfort matters most alongside the groom’s on a f…honeymoon.
"I told my wife I want no part of it."
Very smart. What kind of vacation is this going to be? You are either traveling with a very icy couple or a freshly separated BIL. There is no way this would be fun for anyone. You can’t force your wife to reject the gift obviously, but for your own sake, you shouldn’t go.
analyst19 wrote:
NTA. You're right that this situation is wrong and your wife is acting aggressive and strange to you and her future SIL. A honeymoon is for the bride&groom. Sit everyone down, thank your BIL, apologize to your BIL's fiancée (if your wife refuses to do so) and suggest to go on a four-person trip sometime after their honeymoon.
OP responded:
I already suggested to my wife to convince her brother to arrange something else for us but she said that she already has plans for the trip on their honeymoon and she doesn't want to give up on them.