'AITA for not wanting to establish a relationship with my biological father's other kids?'
"AITA for not wanting to establish a relationship with my biological father's other kids?"
I (17M) have been raised by my maternal grandparents since I was 4. There are different versions of why this happened and all share the similarity that CPS declared my biological parents were unfit to raise me.
All versions also accept that both of my biological parents and my biological father's wife were arrested because of the conflict between them. They were called unfit to raise me. When I was given to my grandparents my biological father's wife was already pregnant with their first kid.
I had some contact until I was 6/7 with my biological parents only. But that ended when a fight broke out during a supervised visitation because my biological father showed up when my biological mother was visiting with me. All contact stopped that day. I preferred it honestly because I hated seeing my biological parents.
Both wanted me to pick them and asked to be put back with them. My biological mother said I was supposed to be an only child and would be happier with it being just the two of us and we could move and never see that man or his whore again. While my biological father tried to convince me I wanted him and his wife to be my parents and to be raised with the children they had together.
He'd say what a good big brother I would be and everything and he'd get really weird when I wouldn't engage when he'd mention his wife and other kids. It was like he was pissed off but also trying to be all excited about it. I never had the wish to be with them like he wanted.
I consider my grandparents to be my parents and they adopted me a couple of years ago after being my legal guardians all that time. I asked them to adopt me. We talked about it and I knew I was cutting all ties to my biological parents but that was fine with me.
I had them, my parents, and their other kids who were all SO different to my biological mother. I had their kids. I had other extended family. It was a great family to be a part of and I wanted to be theirs after so long. There was some pushback from my biological parents but a judge agreed it was in my best interest to sever their parental rights and let me be my grandparents kid for real.
So that happened. About 6 or 7 months ago now my biological father's wife reached out to my grandparents and told them her kids wanted to meet me and get to know me. She wanted to know if they could work something out for that to happen.
My grandparents asked me how I felt about it and I said I wasn't interested. They told her they wouldn't be making it happen and it would be better leaving it until we're adults and can control it ourselves. She asked why they decided that and they told her they didn't want to have her or my biological father around me and they didn't want to have their children in their home either.
She didn't buy it and asked them if I was saying no and then she kind of freaked out on them. They had to get the p-lice involved twice. My biological father's wife said I was such a short sighted brat and should welcome her kids with open arms since I don't have any other siblings.
Then I got a letter and it was from her 13-year-old daughter asking me to meet her and her younger siblings. She wrote all about them and said they'd always heard about me and wanted to know me. She said she had tried to find me in school but didn't know who I was and she wanted to talk.
I actually think I remember seeing her in school. She looked younger than she is and I didn't know who she was at the time. But I still didn't change my mind. My biological father's wife ended up being arr-sted for har-ssing my grandparents and trying to harass me. She's still all kinds of angry that I won't meet and get to know her kids.
I wanna know if I'm TA for it? Like I really don't want to know them or care if I could miss out on having siblings. I've had therapy and I always knew my biological father had other kids. I never ever thought I wanted to meet them or get to know them. Even after therapy I just don't want to and don't care about them being in my life.
The internet had OP's back on this.
moonlittle wrote:
NTA, you’ve been through a lot and you’re just trying to live your best life with your real family. You don’t owe anyone anything, especially not people who weren’t there for you. You’re good.
hearttdoll wrote:
NTA! You’ve been through so much, and you deserve to set boundaries with people who weren’t there for you. It’s not about being a brat, it’s about protecting your peace and being true to yourself. Your biological father's wife needs to respect your decision, no means no 💪
ShazzyKiss wrote:
NTA. You’ve been through so much, and it’s completely valid to not want to force a relationship with people you never had a connection with. Your biological parents and their actions created a toxic environment, and now their kids are kind of caught up in that. You’ve built a family with your grandparents who love and support you, and you’re allowed to prioritize your peace and well-being.
Airatide wrote:
NTA. You’re allowed to make your own decision about who you want in your life. You didn’t choose your biological parents, and it’s clear that you have a strong bond with your grandparents who raised you.
It’s understandable you don’t feel any connection to your biological father’s other kids, especially after everything you’ve been through. Your feelings are valid, and you shouldn’t be pressured into anything you’re not comfortable with.