'AITA for not wanting to talk to my ex boyfriend after he almost sabotaged my college life?' UPDATED 2X

"AITAH for not wanting to talk to my now ex boyfriend after he almost sabotaged my college life?"

I (21F) was dating someone (21M) for a year. We hit it off really well when we first started and at the time I had just gotten out of a a--sive relationship with someone else. However after December of 2022 things were nothing but downhill. My boyfriend at the time had gotten kicked out of his father's house so he was living with me in my grandmother's house for a short period.

Unfortunately I ended up getting kicked out of there for a lot of things that also happened within my family so I moved back in with my parents, while My boyfriend moved in with his brother a month or so after. While he's stayed with his brother. He got a job at Wendy's, but I noticed that his demeanor towards me started to change rapidly.

He would yell at me a lot for defending myself in regards to his friends, would block me any time an argument took place over silly things, and he even broke up with me before because I had asked him for $50 for laundry, after doing HIS laundry and my own when we were living together, and other things I did to provide for us both because we were in a dark place.

I never understood why he changed or why he acted this way, but this past month and 3 weeks really take the cake. So fast forward to November. (We had already gotten back together at this point.) He was playing Yugioh master duel with his friends and he was losing.

I tried asking him why he was upset, but he got angry with me and then claimed the next day that I was condescending and because of that we were no longer together. Then later in the month he had asked me to pick him up from work because he had a horrible day, and on my way to him, he said that "Things have changed since the separation.

I only hang around you when I have nothing better to do or I'm bored." After he said that, I was crushed and even decided I didn't wanna celebrate my birthday by the time the 27th came.

We officially called things off when the Yugioh thing took place, but I really told him off after he said that comment so by my birthday it has been clear that we were broken up. I had a friend in college (19M) whose the same age as my baby sister.

We hit it off and got really close as were working on my college project for my final. My ex didn't like that at all, going as far as to hack into my google account two nights ago and DELETE ALL OF MY FILES. Even a late essay I had just turned into to my professor so he couldn't access the file at all. I was infuriated because he deleted a whole semester and then some worth of work.

Even my resumes were gone so I had to contact google assistance to get all my files back. Mind you this is after already having a argument the night before and he getting physical with me to the point where I almost passed out on my staircase because he was ch-king me. He came to get his stuff the other night and apologized for everything and wouldn't stop crying.

I consoled him but I told him I needed to be away from him and I didn't wanna speak to him because this hurt and had I not gotten back my files I would have likely failed my very first semester of college. Now idk what to do because it hurts a lot and though he said he understood, he got mad at me for not talking to him yesterday even though he knows he's restricted and blocked everywhere. AITAH?

The internet fully had OP's back.

MontanaWildMan wrote:

NTA. Block him off everything! He's not a friend, he's an enemy trying to destroy your future!!! If you value your safety and schooling you need to cut him off completely, and call the cops if he pulls anymore stunts! Turn on two-factor authentication on everything, and change all passwords.

OverRice2524 wrote:

NTA.

Being c--ked by your partner increases the likelihood of being offed by him by 700%! Stay away from him! Be safe!

Bunta93 wrote:

NTA. Why are you even entertaining this POS? Cut contact and move on with your life.

Three months later, OP shared an update.

UPDATE:

Jesus it's really been a bit over 3 months since I uploaded this. Thank you for your opinions everyone. I do have a huge update on said matter so I'll try to sum it up as much as I can.

Sooo my EX tried to leak explicit images of me after I left for my trip to North Carolina. I also found out on Christmas, my ex had "done things" with my cousin and they both lied to me, after I went to my cousin and vented. So there's that little sum up.

Currently I'm with someone else (23M) and I haven't heard from my ex or my cousin after finding out every thing and confronting them. As far as my school work goes, I'm currently doing my spring semester and still tryna pick up the pieces bit by bit but I've been healing and mentally im in a better situation. Thanks again for those who listened ❤

Five months later, OP shared another update.

Hi, everyone. Before I get into what I need assistance with. I wanna first take this time and thank everyone who responded last time to both my other posts. I appreciate all the advice given :)

Now onto the issue at hand. So I took everyone's advice and I stopped talking to the ex in question. However, a lot has happened in between then and now. My ex couldn't handle us not being together, and decided to not only leak explicit images of me on a old account I used to control (don't worry I was able to delete it and kick him out of all accounts he had access to.)

I had also found out the night before he leaked these videos and photos that he had done "it" with my cousin (21F) on Christmas night after she reassured with me and my at the time friend (19F) that she would talk to him and help me find a middle ground because of his behavior.

She knew about him deleting my school work, hacking into my other stuff, and being physically and emotionally a--sive towards me.

She actually spoke up on me leaving him a few times, and said she was proud when I finally made the move to do so. When I found that she slept with my ex, I confronted her, due to the fact that a few days before this, she had admitted to me that they kissed but swore to me that's all they did and that they just has a few drinks and apologized to me.

Obviously that wasn't the case anymore. It's actually pretty funny actually. I was playing Mario kart with friends and my ex somehow texted me on Snapchat from a different account and his exactly words were "I'm gonna mess up your night. Me and your cousin didn't just kiss. We f**ked. Cry about it" along with a bunch of Other colorful words.

He also said he was doing this since she had made it clear we wasn't cool anymore. I'd also to like to point out that this was during my first vacation so I was not at home during any of this. When I finally reach home however, my cousin argues with me on Snapchat essentially tryna justify her actions and argues with my friend and says disrespectful things about her family etc.

It was a lot. And after that we didn't speak to each other for a couple of months. After this however...give it maybe March or Aprilish, I decided to forgive her and move on from everything for my mental health but to keep her at a distance due to me not wanting to open up again.

She however didn't like that, and insisted that it wasn't fair that I didn't want to listen and how I let my friend sl-t shame her due to what she did and refuse to understand the point I was making so it broke out into a all our war with my ex somehow getting access to one of my alt accounts and telling me to stop talking to my cousin which let me know they were still talking. So by that point I dropped it all together.

Now months later, my cousin has messaged my Instagram after months of not talking to me saying she wants to reconcile and says it's unfair that I was willing to drop it and forgive my ex and not her first (even though I did forgive her first and she chose to not listen to me) and basically that because were "family" I should be able to reach out and forgive her.

I up front told her that if we were family you wouldn't have did what you did to me and lied to my face. I haven't spoke to her since that day but she keeps apologizing and telling me she loves me and my friend who I don't speak to anymore. I don't know what to do here.

I don't want to talk to her but I don't want to essentially abandon someone I've grown up with for years. I feel like. I have mixed emotions.

So, would I be an AH for not talking to her?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

PlaceDue1063 wrote:

Why did you casually say you forgave your cousin before him? Why would you forgive him? Omg.

OP responded:

I had to explain that because when me and my cousin first argued she believed that I decided that is forgive him for the shit he did before forgiving her for what she did, and as I said in my original post I forgave the entire situation but wanted to keep away for my own sanity.

The moment I had found out they even slept together and everything else he already did took a lot out of me at the time and it was badly affecting my physical and mental health. So I had decided it was best to mentally forgive but not forget and keep them away, which in my original post I had explained to my cousin the first time we spoke about what she did and I made the choice to forgive her.

She however didn't like that and accused me of forgiving him and not forgiving her first. I don't know where she got the idea that I forgave him before her because I never said nor told her I did, so my guess is that they were probably still talking when I made the choice to forgive her the first time and to drop the issue entirely for my own sake.

Economy_Rutabaga9450 wrote:

Just because I have forgiven you does not mean that we can turn back time and be friends like we were.

We will always be cousins but we are not best friends.

Brolungs wrote:

Nope, you're NTA. She made her bed, now she can lie in it.

Imaginary-Yak8647 wrote:

NTA. Stay strong.