'AITA for having a one night stand 6 months after my husband passed away?' UPDATED

"AITAH for having a one night stand 6 months after my husband passed away?"

My husband was my best friend and my soulmate, we started dating at 16, got married at 20, and he passed away about 6 months ago when we were both 22. I've been absolutely distraught, and am still really close with his family, especially his mom.

She told me starting a couple months ago that even if it was hard, I should at least try to start dating again. So I've been trying to go out for the last few weeks, but hadn't had much success. A lot of people are put off by a 22-year-old widow. Who would have thought? Well last night, my friends wanted me to go out barhopping with them, and I just couldn't do it.

I went to this coffee shop that's open late and was just doing some reading instead. This really handsome guy started chatting me up, and it turns out his wife had passed away about a year ago. It was so nice talking to someone who just got it. We were showing each other pictures, I started crying and he reached for my hand, and eventually, we started making out.

I hadn't kissed anyone since my husband, and I' d never slept with anyone else, so I surprised myself by asking him if he wanted to come back to my place to which he said yes. 30 minutes later we were in my bed, hooking up, and we did it a few times last night. It felt so so good, and it was so nice to have that physical affection again. He was so sweet and loving and really took care of me.

This morning though, I'm feeling horrible. It's 6:00 am and I'm writing this in my living room, as he's on my deceased husband's side of the bed. I feel like I'm violating his memory. I'm having coffee with his mom today, and I don't know how to look her in the eye. I know I have to get on with my life, but I can't believe I had a one night stand. I don't wanna be that kind of girl. AITAH?

The internet had OP's back.

EngineerLostonPertam wrote:

Who says it has to be a one night stand?

Maybe you should talk to him this morning and see if he wants to do something today with you and maybe see if this can turn into a relationship.

OP responded:

Yeah that's a good point!! I'm just so out of practice lol

EngineerLostonPertam wrote:

Sounds like you two hit it off and maybe he could be a good match since he knows exactly what you're going through and you can both help each other move on and deal with the past when needed.

OP responded:

Yeah. That's a good point because it's really hard to explain to other people that my husband will always be my soul mate. He said he feels that way about his wife too. I really hope she'd be okay with what just happened.

Entire-Conference915 wrote:

You found someone who understands what you're going through and both comforted each other and connected. You have not done anything wrong. It could turn into a relationship, it’s okay if you're not ready for that too.

AmericanDesertWitch wrote:

Oh my god sis. Will you give yourself a MASSIVE break please. You needed physical contact. You got it. Sounds like self care to me.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

I really appreciated all the love and support that I got from y'all. I was expecting the reaction to be more 50-50! I got a lot of dms asking for an update so here ya go! A couple hours after i posted, he and i had a long talk about what had happened. It was his first time being intimate with someone other than his wife too. Oh and btw, he'd told me about his deceased wife first!

We both felt guilty, but we'd also had an amazing time with each other. We mutually agreed that whatever form our potential relationship/friendship takes, our spouses need to be a core pillar of it. We looked at each other's wedding photos (his wife was absolutely beautiful btw) and talked about our favorite memories. Wfter that, we kissed goodbye and he left.

I might get some pushback for this, not only did I get coffee with my husband's mom, I told her about my night with that guy. She's honestly like a mother to me, she's been really worried about me, and while I'm sure there was a part of her that didn't like hearing about that, she seemed genuinely happy for me. I think it took some stress off her shoulders, since I know she regards me as a daughter.

Her approval (along with the support from y'all) made me feel a lot better. He texted me a few hours later, asking if I was free for the night. I said yes, and he told me he was on his way over. He showed up with flowers to take to my husband's grave. I was sobbing out of sadness, and also just how touched I was.

We went and sat there for about an hour, his arms around me, me crying and talking about him. We then went and did the same for his wife. We went out for dinner, and had a really nice time. He's honestly such a gentleman. We stopped at my apartment on the way back to get some things for me, and we spent the night at his place.

His wife had done interior design, and their home was absolutely beautiful. She seems like she was an absolutely wonderful person. I know this was bold, but I was feeling really good after the day I'd had, and the response I'd gotten on here, I'd packed my wedding night lingerie and was wearing it on the bed when he got out of the shower.

We had a really electric and passionate time all night, I felt so much freer than I had the night before. He took me to church the next morning which was everything for me. After that, I told him we should take a few days apart. Not because either of us had done anything wrong, but just so we didn't move too fast. He was a little surprised, but totally respectful.

We've texted each other a few times, and I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other, as friends at the very least. Honestly, I really want a relationship with him and I can tell he feels the same, I just wanna make sure we're both ready for it. Thanks again for your support 🫶🏻

Commenters did not hold back.

bruhyohiidk wrote:

I was quite okay with this until I read "I'd packed my wedding night lingerie and was wearing it on the bed when he got out of the shower. We had a really electric and passionate night, I felt so much freer than I had the night before."

What the hell? That is downright disrespectful.

CrystalM-thEnjoyer wrote:

Wedding night lingerie with some dude you've barely met is beyond messed up, hope your husband isn't watching from above.

BlueGreen_1956 wrote:

YTA

This is some kind of fantasy that never happened.

What clinched it was this:

"I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other, as friends at the very least."

That she thinks a one-night stand would want to be "friends" with her.

Living in delusion.

IndividualRow830 wrote:

Still think it's shocking only 6 months in and you hooked with a guy and hooked up 3 times in one night. You do you, something tells me your deceased husband will be a distant memory in a year or two.