AITA for outing my family members behavior to a dog rescue facility? So basically the story is as follows. Recently a family member, Linda (immediate family, age 45) sent me a message about how she is going to foster a dog. The dog is a large young husky in need of a foster family until adoption.
The issue is that Linda is not mentally, financially, or in any way equipped to be taking care of another animal. For background, Linda lives with my Grandfather. He is 85, of failing health and uses a walker to get around the house. The long story short is that Linda has never been able to support herself, and has quite literally been living off my grandfather.
She has no job aside from looking after my Grandfather when the nurses can’t.
Linda already has 3 dogs, and 4 cats in the house. All the animals have free reign of the house and poop and pee everywhere. My grandfather sees no issue with this and somehow helps to clean it up even though we beg him not to.
For context when my grandmother was alive she hoarded the house horribly, so my grandfather doesn’t have a good scope of what is normal mess vs what isn’t. We cleaned the house and now Linda’s animals pee and poop everywhere. All of the animals at one point or another have escaped.
Currently as I’m writing this one of the dogs escaped earlier and is missing in 16 degree weather. The yard is not fenced properly and the last thing my grandpa needs to deal with is a young energetic husky. I messaged the rescue that is fostering the dog to her and explained that she is in no way capable of taking care of a young husky.
She does nothing but either sleep all day or leave town to be with her boyfriend. The only reason Linda lives there is because my grandpa feels bad for her, she literally has nothing but will take everything from him. The rescue proceeded to screenshot my message and send it to Linda. So as you guessed Linda is freaking out and saying horrible things.
I truly believe that her fostering this dog is a horrible idea and is not fair to my grandpa and not fair to the dog either. However the rescues response indicates to me that they don’t really care. I’m starting to feel bad and wondering if I should have just avoided the drama and kept my mouth shut. she already has the dog by the way and I don’t think the rescue will take her back.
TL;DR: Crazy family member tried to foster a dog, I messaged the rescue and said hey this is a bad idea, rescuer screenshotted the convo and sent it to crazy family member and now’s she’s blowing up my phone and others with nasty messages.
United-Estate-3978 wrote:
NTA. You did the right thing trying to protect both the dog and your grandfather. The rescue facility acted extremely unprofessionally by sharing your message with Linda - that kind of information should be kept confidential to protect people who report legitimate concerns.
Multiple pets already escaping and defecating throughout the house shows Linda can't properly care for the animals she has. Adding a high-energy breed like a husky to that situation is irresponsible and potentially dangerous for your elderly grandfather.
Don't feel guilty. The drama isn't because you spoke up - it's because Linda can't handle being confronted with the truth about her inability to care for animals properly. Consider reporting the situation to animal control if conditions continue to deteriorate.
OP responded:
Thank you. She swears up and down this husky is super mellow and chill and won’t cause a problem but I just can’t believe that. I’m going to take your advice and move forward with reporting to animal control and hopefully something happens.
Linda is so good at manipulating her way out of situations unfortunately which is why she’s been able to live with my grandfather. She has him completely manipulated. :/
mocha_lattes wrote:
NTA but you should report Linda for elder ab-se. You say she takes from your grandfather and makes him live in a home full of animal waste. That's elder abuse no matter how you spin in. Get authorities involved.
OP responded:
We’re in the process, which is why I so badly didn’t want to have to deal with another animal.
SweetMaam wrote:
Yes Animal Rescue people do this. They offer no anonymous reporting. (Wish child protective services did this). You can foster dogs and have a right to face your accusers. Yes, a little bit OP is the AH, but mostly for not taking care of grandpa and instead critiquing the one family member who is.
OP responded:
I get where you’re coming from, unfortunately to explain the whole situation would be like a book. But the long short is that my grandfather had a stroke was a little out of it for a bit , and signed all his attorney of power rights over to Linda while under the influence of medication and healing from this stroke.
We’re currently in the process of reversing that and getting elder ab-se involved. Unfortunately he owns the house and we can’t make him kick her out.
NervousAd7170 wrote:
NTA although I feel like you need to find somewhere to report the rescue because that is a very immature way to respond. And with your family member, I would say try calling animal control but depending where you are they may do nothing. Maybe you can talk her into giving up the animals.
However with the husky the best thing to do is find the pup a family as soon as possible. She is only fostering the husky so as soon as the pup gets interested adopters, she will have to give the pup up.
LinaBubbleGum wrote:
NTA. It’s tough when family dynamics get complicated, but you were coming from a place of concern for both your grandfather and the dog. It’s clear you care deeply about both their well-being, and trying to protect them from a situation that could get worse doesn’t make you the villain. I’m sorry it blew up, but sometimes we have to speak up when we see things going wrong, even if it causes some tension.
NorraNova wrote:
NTA at all! You did what you felt was right to protect both the dog and your grandfather from a potentially chaotic and stressful situation. It’s super important to ensure that pets go to homes where they can be properly cared for, and it sounds like Linda’s current situation isn’t ideal for a high-energy breed like a husky.
It’s unfortunate that the rescue chose to handle it by forwarding your message, which definitely added fuel to the fire, but your intentions were in the right place.
It’s tough when family dynamics get complicated, especially when it involves the well-being of vulnerable family members and animals. You might be catching heat right now, but standing up for those who can't speak for themselves is something you shouldn't feel bad about.