'AITA for posting about my 'maternity box' on social media when my stepsister never got one?'

"AITA for posting about my gift 'maternity box' on social media when my stepsister never got one for her son?"

I recently had my first child. When we were discharged, the hospital sent us home with a “baby box.” It was a cute little box that can double as a bed and came with a mattress, some baby clothes and other essentials.

This caught me off guard because I live in the US. I thought this was only a thing in Finland. Turns out, the county I live in works with a charity that provides these boxes for all expecting moms.

I was pretty stoked about this, so I made a post on Instagram showing it off.

My stepmom messaged me and told me I should take down the post a few days later. She said it was in bad taste because a lot of new moms don’t get this perk.

She pointed out that her daughter, my stepsister, has been very upset by this.

My stepsister did reach out, but her response was something like, “wow, I had my son, all the hospital sent me was some maxi pads and a bill. :angryfaceemoji:”

I didn’t down the post because I want to highlight the work that charity was doing. Especially for women in my area who may not be aware of the baby boxes and could really need it.

My stepsister sent me a DM telling me to take the post down.

She said it’s unfair she has to struggle with a special needs baby while the other moms can gloat about how being a new mom is awesome. She said that she never got a free box or clothes or perfume like my cousin and everyone stopped caring one she had her son while me, my cousin and all our other relatives “get all the attention.”

Right now, I’m leaning towards keeping the post up. I don’t live in the same state as my stepfamily but am aware of social programs designed to help parents with special needs kids. That or my stepsister get help or get counseling. But maybe that’s not the best move. AITA? I just need an outside opinion because the lack of sleep is affecting my judgement making.

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

Bibbityboo wrote:

NTA and leave the post up. If your kid walks sooner than hers, are you allowed to share the information? If your kid turns out to be really good at math but hers isn’t, does that mean you can’t celebrate them? Each child deserves to be treated as their own person and celebrated. Each parent as well.

Look. I understand jealousy. I dealt with infertility and was fortunate that IVF worked for us. But, that was a HARD path. The year I got pregnant so did two other women, and one man’s wife. In an office of 9 people? I got to hear every day about people’s gender reveals, about how the man and his wife got pregnant the first month they tried (teehee!), finding the perfect nursery furniture etc.

But I ended up high risk, on 5 weeks of bed rest and bled for 20 weeks throughout my pregnancy. I didn’t dare do any of the things — I didn’t trust that I was going to make it in the end. (He’s 8 now!). Was I jealous? Yes. Did I want their experiences? Yes. Of course. I wanted the carefree excitement.

But, what I didn’t do, was rain on their parade, or demand they not talk around me. You deserve to experience and enjoy each thing that happens to you. Just as she does. And yes, it can be hard at times. Sounds like her child may be special needs and that is a hard path. But that doesn’t discount any of your hard moments or good moments.

Peony-Pony wrote:

NTA So somehow it's your fault the hospital and birthing center you have birth at has a relationship with a charitable organization that provides baby boxes for new mothers?

And, by posting about this gift and letting people know about this organization, their good works and how much your appreciated the baby box you are somehow rubbing it in your stepsister's face? Send your stepsister a wheel barrow, it will help her carry around the chip on her shoulder. She's ridiculous and so is her mother.

Final_Wait365 wrote:

NTA. Tell your dumb stepsister to vote better or start an organization of her own. It's not hard to convince people to donate money and necessities to this sort of thing. That said, for the sake of your stepsister's kid, she needs to contact her local county's department of human services ASAP if she wants to get services and help with her baby.

Depending on the state she can get benefits like respite care, additional therapies, subsidized healthcare, parent pay (she'd be paid to take care of her own kid, not a lot, but some to help). If your sister wasn't such a toxic person, I'd help walk her through some of these steps personally, but if you can DM me just state and county and diagnosis.

If you're comfortable with that, I can write up a one or two page document that outlines some of the steps and expectations for the whole process with the specifics of staff she should be talking to, departments she needs to talk to, phone numbers, necessary paperwork, relevant charities/orgs etc.

I don't need names, cities, or anything else, nor do I want it. Just state, county, diagnosis, and I probably don't even need that third one.

Desert-SongLaLa wrote:

NTA and it's about time these 2 adults embrace life is not equal and yet, we can still be happy for someone who was supported. Why would they force a loved one to dim their gratitude/happiness because they believe they were treated less than?

This dynamic is as old as time between siblings, step-siblings, cousins, neighbors...etc. CONGRATS on your bundle of new life! Don't let others dim your glow or the promotion of a very helpful at-home gift.

Firm-Molasses-4913 wrote:

NTA I get annoyed at adults who treat life like a zero sum game. Your experience is no reflection on step sister’s experience, you haven’t done anything to her or deprived her of anything by receiving some local charity. She’ll be a lot happier in life if she stops comparing herself to everyone else and looking for ways to be dissatisfied.