'AITA for postponing our wedding because my fiance wants pictures of her late husband in it?'

"AITAH for postponing our wedding because my fiance wants to have pictures of her late husband in it?"

My fiance and I have been together for about 3 years.

We got engaged 6 months ago.

We were doing some planning and she mentioned "Where do you think "late husband's name" pic could go? I was confused, and asked her to clarify. She said she wants her late husband's picture at the wedding, she went into more detail, at my request.

She wants one of the bridesmaids to hold his picture during the ceremony. As well as having his pic on our table. And when taking pics, she wants to hold him in most pictures. I told her that I didn't want that, and while I understand he's important to her, I'd feel uncomfortable with his pictures in our wedding, especially when they're so prominent.

We got into a fight and she yelled "I can't believe you're jealous! He's d-ad! What, do you think I'm gonna screw him at our wedding?" I decided to postpone the wedding, and honestly, I'm thinking of calling it off all together.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts.

Equivalent-Gap5844 wrote:

NTA. Please call this wedding off now. Your fiance is obviously not over grieving her first husband and does not value your feelings. Her insensitivity is staggering. There are times and places to honour a lost love one, her wedding to another man is not one of them.

WaryScientist wrote:

NTA…it’d be one thing to have a candle lit for him or something, but to make the start of your union be all about him is a huge red flag 🚩

The fact that she doesn’t care about your feelings in the matter is also a red flag…yikes.

FactBearsEatBeetts wrote:

NTA. This is weird. We had a memorial table in the entrance of our reception for photos of deceased loved ones. I don’t think it would be odd or disrespectful to have a memorial table and include her dead partner there. But wanting his photo to be held by a bridesmaid, photographed in your couple’s photos, and placed at the head table is a lot.

gastropod43 wrote:

NTA.

She is not ready to marry you.

After 3 years, she may never be ready.

atamasabr wrote:

NTA. She's going overboard, and the symbolism is not good. She has to have "a place" for him, that's understandable. But there are two stars in the wedding, not three. This is not about jealousy. It is not about minimizing a permanent grief. It's about if your wife has the capacity to marry you.

Kep63 wrote:

Ok...I'm a widow of 12 years and this just isn't right. I understand she may want a memory of him with her but...pictures of him in pictures of you two is just wrong on many levels!! There are many inconspicuous ways of having him with her.

You are 100% right for postponing your wedding and possibly canceling it too. My thoughts are she isn't ready to move on yet. Why I don't know she needs some counseling to find out or some deep soul searching.

ExhaustedMind247 responded:

Exactly…having a memorial table for passed loved ones is one thing. But this is excessive and definitely shows she’s having some emotional struggles.

Longwinded_Ogre wrote:

That's honestly pretty f-ed up. NTA. I would be fine with his pictures in the house, time set aside to remember him, maintaining relationships with his family, all that, but a wedding is about...like...that relationship. Not the old one. The groom shouldn't feel like the #2 man to anyone, let alone the dead ex. I'd be hella uncomfortable.

Personal_Comfortable_49 wrote:

I have to add my two cents here…NTA. My husband was the absolute love of my life and he passed in 2016. I have lived with my SO for 5 years now and I love him very much. We plan to get married someday…but here’s the thing. He respects my husband and my husband’s place in my life…just as I respect him and his place in my life.

I would NEVER do something like your fiance is doing…she clearly doesn’t have any open space for you. She is too consumed with her dead husband. Calling your wedding off seems like your only option. She needs to heal and find herself again before she can give herself to a new partner.

Living_Programmer_61 wrote:

Do NOT marry this woman. She shouldn't even be in a relationship with another man right now. She needs time, healing, and likely therapy before she's ready to be in a romantic relationship.

DuePromotion287 wrote:

NTA- that is an extreme request. It is way overboard. She is not ready to marry you.

dessertandcheese wrote:

I'm also a widow and found what the fiance wants very strange. I thought it was going to be a memorial chair since I've heard of some people doing that, but having his photo with her on most shots almost seem like they're the ones getting married.

Misa7_2006 wrote:

Yeah, photos of a deceased parent(s) in a tasteful area would be considered normal as it honors the lost parent(s). But a deceased former spouse, um no.

Perhaps she needs a few sessions of grief therapy to understand and process through her grief because it looks like she isn't done. Does she have young children from the prior marriage? She may want a photo of him there for them, but it is going overboard with it.