'AITA if I press charges on my brother's GF? She escalated after my birthday dinner.' UPDATED 2X

"WIBTAH if I press charges on my brother's girlfriend after she called my family 'white trash' and continues to harass me after my birthday dinner?"

The people in this situation of mine aside from myself are my husband Mark (35), my brothers Owen (29), Jack (28), Kyle (27), Rob (27), and Fin (26), along with my best friend Margo (32), Owen's fiancee Trish (29), Kyle's partner Ro (28), and Fin's newly serious girlfriend Annie (23).

For additional context: I was the parentified sister and basically raised my brothers. I helped them learn how to cook and clean, helped them with homework, took them to extracurriculars, helped them figure out scholarships/trade school/colleges, and basically made them into the men they are today.

My brothers are very aware of the situation that I was in having to take on parental duties, and thus do not treat me like one. I am their SISTER and they treat me as such, which of course means having a few crazy sibling traditions, which is where my situation stems from.

I (30F) just had my birthday pass. Mark decided to help Owen organize a celebration dinner, since everybody had something to celebrate: Owen just got engaged to Trish, Jack just got a huge pay raise, Kyle started an online shop, Rob bought his first 'house' (it's a motor home), and Fin just started his first serious relationship.

So, Owen organized a huge dinner at a pretty fancy place, with my brothers and husband each planning to split the tab with Margo, and omit me since it was technically my birthday and thus shouldn't pay.

Fast forward to the dinner and we're seated in the back due to having so many people. Everybody is having a great time, laughing and sharing more information about their life, when Margo has an old video pop up on her phone memories.

It's a video of a birthday dinner when I was a teen, and it showed my brothers giving me my 'birthday bruises'. You may have heard of birthday punches, well, it's basically the same concept. However, due to my brothers being massive hulks of meat and me being no more than 5 ft 1 in, they opt to flick me instead, so I'll get a tiny bruise instead of looking like I was jumped (lol).

Rob decides to start with the birthday bruises tradition, each of my brothers opting to flick me six times so this way I get an even 30 flicks, with Margo and Mark each giving me 'two for good luck'. Did it look strange? Probably, but we already stood out in the restaurant since we had so many people. And, it's not like we made it a big show, I simply went around the table to each of my brothers.

Trish and Ro were laughing, well aware of the familial situation and that it was all in good fun. But, I did notice Annie didn't really seem to be comfortable. So, when she went to the bathroom, I decided to check on her (old habits die hard). I didn't approach her until she was washing her hands and asked her if everything was ok, she simply sneered and said we were "embarrassing" and "low class".

I told her that I didn't understand the attitude, that tonight was meant to be happy and we were just being ourselves (to be completely honest, my words were along the lines of "this is who we are, we're siblings, we h-t each other. It's not that deep"). She once again sneered and said "well, this is a place where it's not ok to 'be yourselves'" with a mocking tone.

She then stormed out of the bathroom, so I returned to the table. She was sulky the rest of the dinner, and when the bill came, she tried to drag Finn off. This started a little quarrel with my other brothers, who all agreed beforehand to split the bill. Annie stepped in and said I could pay for them since 'white trash makes due'.

This started a fight with Margo, who threw wine on her and said 'you want white trash, you got it'. I tried to take control, but Annie was already trying to get on Margo. Ro and Trish took her outside and the rest of us settled the bill and apologized for the disturbance to staff. When we left, we saw Annie swinging at Trish with Ro trying to get in between.

I immediately stepped in and told Annie to leave, that until she apologizes that she wasn't allowed at any family gatherings, and told Finn that if she ever tries anything to call us immediately. Finn said that wouldn't be a problem and broke up with her right then and there, telling her to call a cab. He was apparently very upset to be called "white trash'' and didn't like how she talked to me.

He also later said 'she looks like she would accuse me of something, and that she's apparently done it to her ex.' The problem I am currently dealing with is Annie's social circle. Annie apparently comes from a pretty affluent part of our community (like, went to a private school and had a personal chef and nanny kind of rich).

Her and a bunch of her wealthy friends have tried to defame me, sending emails to my boss and coworkers. I told them to reply that they would be forwarding the email to me and I will sue for har-ssment and defamation if she continued to do this to me or any of my family members.

The emails haven't bothered most of my coworkers, but I have a select dozen that already didn't like me, and now are using this to make my work life hell. I have already spoken to my boss about it, and they are monitoring those coworkers work emails to assure Annie isn't sending anything.

Margo told me I should go ahead with my threat the next time someone gets an email, and file defamation charges, along with har-ssment and emotional damages. The thing is Annie is 23, she's barely out of school, and this will wreck her life. I know she's attempting to wreck mine, but I can't help but feel like taking her to court is excessive. Am I being too nice? WIBTAH if I follow through and press charges?

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

CeeCeeHasAProblem wrote:

You’re not going to wreck her life, you’re gonna rattle her chain. Shake up her status quo. Who knows, maybe it’ll make her into an actual person.

I say let fly. NTA.

AlishaLamentat wrote:

NTA, for sure. Nobody plays such dirty tricks on your family and gets away with it. It is time to summon the judicial system's reinforcements.

PermissionWest6171 wrote:

Take this to court and welcome her to reality.

Comfortable-Focus123 wrote:

NTA - Annie calls you all white trash and then starts a physical fight by swinging at people. Wow. Perhaps she should look in the mirror.

Ten days later, OP shared a major update.

Firstly, I want to thank everybody in my prior post, I have a tendency to overthink and it makes decisions like this incredibly hard. A LOT has happened the past ten days, so I'll just give the events in order of happening.

Two days after my post went up, Margo's car got egged. She and two of her neighbors caught the perpetrators on camera, and two of Annie's "flying monkeys" (which I am now calling them because someone in the OG post called them that and I laughed so hard at the accuracy) were taken into custody.

And boy, were these girls RATS! They sold out Annie in a HEARTBEAT! I almost pitied the poor girl until I came out of work and found the words 'YOU DESERVED YOUR MISC-RRIAGE' spray painted on my car hood.

Information: I suffered a misc-rriage at the beginning of the year after one of my students (I work in a behavioral school) kicked me down the stairwell. I had been trying to help another teacher, and there was a security guard also present, but the kid just kicked my shin and nobody caught me in time.

I was six months along when it happened and suffered it while at work. It was a whole scene with ambulances, admin staff, district staff, meanwhile I was just bleeding and crying. I was given PTO for two weeks and by the time I returned to work, everybody knew. I got plenty of soft looks, everybody made my food or tried to make me feel better (even the ladies who didn't like me).

I was just thankful summer vacation was coming up. I took photos of the vandalism and presented it to my boss, since the paint was still wet, which means there should be camera evidence. They told me to sit tight and they would take care of it. After thirty minutes, my boss, one of the coworkers who didn't like me, and two security officers came back.

Turns out, the coworker who didn't like me had fed Annie that information, and was promptly fired on the spot after being forced to apologize to me. They also had security look through the parking lot footage, and got the license plate of Annie's car screeching out of the parking lot with her tossing a can of spray paint out the window (and denting another car in the process).

Authorities were called and the spray can was taken as evidence, I was advised to get a lawyer and press charges. At this point, I decided to talk to a lawyer, so I looked at lawyers when I got home and consulted one the next day via a virtual consultation.

He offered to do the case pro bono, as he had a bone to pick with Annie's mother (not my business to tell, but whoa was that story crazier than mine). We drafted all evidence into a compiled document and went through with pressing the charges for the damage to my car, as well as harassment and emotional distress.

Let me tell y'all, I was expecting there to be a blow out when this happened. But, Karma ATE HER UP! Apparently, Annie has more than just what she did to me! The coworker who's car she dented when she threw out the spray can was pressing charges. Margo was also pressing charges for emotional distress.

Also, turns out, she had been GOING AFTER MY BROTHERS! She and her flying monkeys were review bombing Kyle's shop, they slashed three tires on Rob's mobile home, she had been sending complaints to Owen's boss through customer service lines, and she had STOLEN Jack's fence surrounding his house (WHO TF STEALS A FENCE?!).

Apparently the amounting charges FINALLY caught daddy's attention, because he had everybody who was pressing charges come to one of his properties to talk it out. He had paid her bail and was keeping her in close proximity to assure she didn't get into any more mischief. Margo said she would be bringing her lawyer, and advised everybody else to do the same.

So, it was actually pretty funny watching Annie's face as we all pulled up with our lawyers (with the exception of Finn, who was just coming as a character witness and had a file of evidence all his own). She had been har--sing him and blackmailing him, and was ready to feed these absolutely damning evidences to the pack of lawyers who were attending.

It's worth to note that I had not gotten the spray paint removed, so when Annie's father saw it, you could see the boiling, quiet rage in his glare. Annie's father, who I will dub Hunter, also had his lawyer present. The sit down lasted two days, with all the lawyers going over the different charges and appropriate ways to punish them.

My coworker was simply paid out, with some extra financial compensation and a few coupons from Hunter's businesses. Jack was returned his fence and Hunter paid to have it reinstalled, repainted, and for a ten year warranty (Jack still stayed as emotional support since Mark was away on business).

All the false reviews were removed from Kyle's shop and Hunter paid for any lost revenue (that talk was done between Hunter and Kyle in private, so I don't know how much he was paid). Hunter also contacted Owen's boss, who he apparently went to school with, and set the record straight. Hunter also decided to pay for Trish and Owen's honeymoon as excess compensation.

That just left Margo, Rob, and I. The lawyers, us three, and Hunter agreed to culminate the charges into one case, and Hunter was able to wrangle the district attorney to come and try to strike a plea deal. I can't say much about that since the case is still on going, but just know Annie WILL be paying for her crimes.

Hunter offered to get me a new car (I had been driving the same car for ten years), and I told him I'd settled for a used one. Hunter made a fuss, saying 'I didn't raise my daughter like this, this is all her mother.' (Like, WOW, this woman must be a demon if even her OWN HUSBAND throws her under the bus like that!).

So, Hunter is taking me car shopping, wifey is apparently pissed that Hunter isn't covering for 'their little princess', and Annie is getting her just desserts. Funny how money is indeed a very powerful thing, as Hunter even got the case to be moved to a priority list and thus proceedings will be sped up.

To top everything off, Hunter said all the pay outs will be coming from ANNIE'S INHERITANCE! Which is why he was so ok with giving out so much 'excess compensation'. GOD, Annie's face! I wish I could've photographed it! I have no issues updating once the proceedings are finished, I will make sure to keep a spare tab open just so I don't lose this throwaway!

It's seems to be a pretty happy end for me. I didn't expect it to be solved in under ten days, but Hunter is a very nice man (maybe the Gen Z's shouldn't eat this rich, he's a good one lol). He even invited Mark, Trish, and Ro out for drinks to discuss compensation for the scene at dinner, too!

Right now, I'm just relaxing on my sofa while Mark makes popcorn, we're about to binge some cartoons. We like spending our Sundays like that. Glad I was able to update you all, thank you for your words of encouragement! I will be back one last time after the court proceedings, and maybe another if my lawyer gives me permission to tell his story about Annie's mom!

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

EDIT: I see a lot of people misinterpreting how the charges are being processed, and this is mostly in part to my poor way of wording. So, allow me to clarify: Annie has a record, but Hunter always bailed her out. The c-ps advised me to lawyer up and press charges because Annie has a history of doing things like this and getting away with it.

The process is still long and the cops did collect evidence, it was due to Annie's familial name that makes things a lot quicker. Hunter is a tycoon of sorts, with many of his affiliations paying for Annie's lifestyle. He has a lot of fingers in a lot of pies, and thus holds a lot of power in our town.

The sit down was to minimize Annie's cr-minal charges, to see what would be worth going to court for or not. This is why Owen, my coworker, Kyle, and Jack got paid out. However, the charges from Rob, Margo, and I are still being processed. The DA was called after the sit down, as I said in a comment, it is not uncommon for lawyers to sit with a perpetrator to find common ground.

We all had to sign documents of the sit down, stating what it is we had done and what was accomplished. From there, I don't have any idea as I haven't heard anything from my lawyer about court dates. It will STILL TAKE MONTHS for charges to go through and for us to go to court. Even on the "priority list." If there is still any confusion, please comment and I'll try to clear things up :)

Suffice it to say, the internet was invested.

JuliaX1984 wrote:

I'm a legal assistant. There is absolutely no way these proceedings would happen in 10 days. This is laughably ridiculous. Her lawyer would have taken twice as long just to draft a civil complaint.

Edit: Correction - 10 days from last post minus 2 days after, minus at least one different day for OP's car minus 2 days of meetings = 5 days for everyone to find lawyers and cases to be opened and begun. 5 days. Oh, brother.

RandoJayCommando wrote:

WOW. Just read the original and this. Annie is totally a mean girl. And so are her flying monkeys. Hope you all get fully compensated and Annie leaves you all the hell alone. Would love to hear the story between the lawyer and her mom. Do tell!!!