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'AITA for promising my GF I'll help her with her loan but now I'm backing out cause she cheated?'

'AITA for promising my GF I'll help her with her loan but now I'm backing out cause she cheated?'

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"AITA for promising my GF that I will help her with her loan but now I am backing out cause she cheated on me?"

I (23m) been together my gf (24f) for almost 4 years, she was my first gf, I loved her way too much and tbh I still love her somewhat, we were school friends. My GF in early 2024 said that she wants to apply for masters and she asked me if I could help her, I instantly agreed cause back then I thought she would become my wife and I should support her.

So I asked my father if he could help fund my gf's education, my father is quite successful and he agreed but he said he won't give her the money but she should take a loan and he will cover up 60 to 70% of monthly payments and my GF's family and my family agreed.

But three months ago my gf cheated on me, she came to me and said that she had made a huge mistake, she got drunk in a party and kissed some other man and they hooked upfor a while in my own car.

I was devastated I loved her so much and I forgave her or I pretended idk, I was in depression since then but I hid it from her and everyone, she apologized to me and said she f--ked up and she wanted to come clean and apologize to me and didn't want to hide it from me.

I told her that I forgive her and she and her family took the loan, call me petty or vengeful but I was so hurt I didn't feel good about my partner is sleeping around and expects me to forgive her while seeking financial help from me just because my father is rich, f--k that.

So a few days ago I told her that I am breaking up with her and she wont get any more financial help from us, she freaked out and said why am I acting like this and she thought I forgave her, but I just left.

I told my father everything and he didn't even comfort me just told me that I have 'learned a lesson' and 'this is why he asked them to take a loan instead of just giving them money', I was kinda upset. But now she and her family are saying if I was going to leave her I should have left I shouldn't have been petty and vengeful to the point I would ruin her life just cause she cheated and told me that they will sue us.

When I told my father he said if they want to go to court they can but they'll just ruin their finances even more let them waste their money on their loan and court fees they don't have any proof it was just verbal agreement.

Now I realized that no matter how rude my father is to me he always cared for me and thought of me, he helped my partner but even planned in case I get betrayed and he loves me, but I kinda feel bad for my gf who is now my ex and I feel like I went too far in my anger.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

ShimmeringHeartdrea wrote:

You’re NTA. You agreed to help her when you thought you had a future together, but she cheated, and that changes everything. Her actions broke your trust, and you’re not obligated to stick to a verbal agreement made before she betrayed you. It sucks for her, but she made her choices, and this is the fallout. Your dad was smart to set things up the way he did to protect you, even if it feels harsh.

She’s just mad because she didn’t think there’d be real consequences. You didn’t ruin her life—she did that herself. You have every right to walk away from both the relationship and the financial commitment after what she did. Don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first.

throwitaway3857 wrote:

NTA. Also, don’t feel bad for her. She can get a job to pay for the loan. She should be with you bc she loves you. Not bc your dad has money. Her actions have consequences. Paying off that loan will teach her not to be a cheating ho to her partner. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Stay strong and ignore them. Hugs to you.

123jamesng wrote:

I think you're just confused and sad at the moment. Your mind is muddled. All you have to understand is, she hurt you. She broke your trust. Your dad did the right thing, don't blame him for anything. You've plenty to learn from this experience. Still so young, still so much life. Cry, be sad; but you'll be fine.

braindashx wrote:

NTA. She cheated, and you're justified in setting boundaries, especially when it involves a financial commitment. Helping her after that would have sent the message that her betrayal didn’t matter. You’re allowed to protect yourself emotionally and financially.

Her and her family’s reaction shows they expected you to overlook the situation for their benefit, which isn’t fair to you. Don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself after being hurt.

Canary_cry7911 wrote:

NTA Do NOT feel bad for her. She knew what she was doing and risked it all for that guy. Even in your own car I mean come on, she knew what she was doing. Do not have anymore contact with her. They would probably use that for court. Just ignore the lot of them. They can pay off the loan. I also agree with other comments of therapy, just to help sort yourself out.

Sources: Reddit
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