'AITA for proposing to my GF with a necklace instead of a ring? Her sister thinks it's a bad idea.' UPDATED 3X

"AITAH for buying my girlfriend a necklace instead of a ring?"

I 29m have been with my girlfriend 28f for 7 years and I’ve recently decided that I want to propose to her. When it came time to buy an engagement ring I had a very difficult time deciding what to get her, mostly because she absolutely hates wearing rings. She has a medical condition that causes her hands to swell and another one that makes her fingers dry and flaky.

She downright refuses to wear rings and I don’t want to get her something that will ultimately be useless. I went to a jeweler and explained the situation and he suggested I buy her a different piece of jewelry instead. I ended up finding the most perfect necklace I could imagine, it’s gold (her favorite) and it has both of our birth stones on it, entwined.

It’s absolutely stunning and was about the same as my budget for a ring. I thought this was a perfect solution and I was excited to propose to my girlfriend with this non traditional gesture, but when I told her sister my plans she told me it was tacky and no woman would ever want to be proposed to with a necklace.

She told me I should just buy a ring that she can put on a chain and wear as a necklace, but I don’t see the point as I have already bought her a necklace.

I was planning on proposing to my girlfriend on vacation next month but now I’m not so sure. Her sister told me I will be an asshole if I propose with a necklace but I need outside perspectives. AITAH for buying my girlfriend a necklace instead of a ring?

The internet had lots of comments and questions.

Redditor000 wrote:

You know your girlfriend. How will she feel? Personally I think this is a great idea, but her opinion is the one that matters.

OP responded:

I thought she would love it but now I’m worried, I want to subtly bring it up but I’m not sure how without tipping her off this close to vacation. In the past she’s joked that I should propose with a puppy but I can’t do that right now lol

[deleted] wrote:

Info:

Have you asked your girlfriend what she wants?

OP responded:

We have talked about being engaged and it’s something we both really want. When it comes to her hands she’s a bit sensitive. A few years ago her mom gave her a ring for a graduation gift and she was visibly disappointed, so I just know she hates them

Anoncommenter wrote:

Have you two even discussed getting engaged? Usually a woman will tell her SO what her preferences are.

OP responded:

We have, I’ve mentioned alternative jewelry and she said the idea was cute but that conversation was 2 years ago now and the confidence I had went away with her sister's criticism.

Later that day, OP shared an update.

UPDATE #1: I never could have anticipated this post getting so much attention, I really just wanted to know if other women would find the necklace to be acceptable.

But all of your advice and encouragement has given me the confidence to propose to my girlfriend.

Today. I was gonna wait two weeks until we are on vacation but I don’t want to be anxious until then and I would rather us use that vacation as an engagement celebration than me panicking the entire time over how I’m going to ask her. Her mother thinks the necklace is perfect, as do her best friends.

I’m really not sure why her sister is so upset, I should have mentioned that her sister is only 19 so she may just have a narrow view of engagements. But today my girlfriend and I are in her grandparents cabin for the long weekend and I am going to ask her to marry me with the necklace next to her favorite lake with our dogs.

I’m absolutely freaking out, my hands are shaking uncontrollably and I’m pretending to shower as I write this. I just truly cannot wait any longer, especially after this post, you have all gotten me way too excited. I will update again with her answer. Thank you all so much and I’m sorry I will not be responding to any comments while I figure this out. Wish me luck!

And the next day OP returned with yet another update.

UPDATE 2: Well… she said yes!!! Here’s how it went, we woke up early in the morning with our two dogs, went out for a nice early morning walk with the mist and the cold morning air, got back to the cabin where I made us both breakfast (French toast and bacon, her favorite) and afterwards we went out in a canoe ride to the center of the lake.

She could absolutely tell that I was freaking out because she asked me about 15 times if I was okay lol when we got to the center of the lake I was basically silent from total fear when she finally said “Jake.. is something going on?”

So I grabbed her hands and told her that I think she’s the most incredible person on the planet and I can’t imagine living this life with anyone else. I pulled out the box with the necklace in it and asked her if she would make me the happiest person alive and marry me.

She instantly burst into tears and said she absolutely would, she didn’t even question the necklace and completely understood my choice and told me it was the best thing I could have done to ask her. She told me she doesn’t want me to spend my money on another ring nor does she want a silicone one, she says the necklace is perfect.

We spent about 10 minutes sobbing and hugging and kissing until I finally brought us back to shore where she immediately started calling all of our friends and family. Her sister even texted me and told me that she thinks I made the right decision, which feels really great tbh. I’m so happy I didn’t wait, part of me wanted to do it this weekend but I wouldn’t have unless I had this push from all of you.

Thank you so so much for your kind words and encouragement, we’re reading through all of your comments together now while we laugh and talk about the future. My fiancé (!!) Grace also wants me to let you all know that she appreciated your kind words towards me and the push to propose today lol maybe I’ll update in the future but we’ll see, I now have lots of planning for the future :)

The internet was happy to hear things turned out well.

Prideofcapetown wrote:

”no woman would ever want to be proposed to with a necklace”

I got proposed to with a necklace instead of a ring. It has 2 pendants on it, to represent the engagement ‘ring’, and the wedding ‘ring’. I absolutely love it and on Hallowe’en, hubs will be adding an eternity ‘ring’ to celebrate our silver anniversary.

That’ll be the first time in 25 years it’s left my neck. Thank God OP didn’t listen to the little twit.

Zen_Wanderer wrote:

Here I am with the primordial fear of that necklace falling in the lake amidst that loving turmoil of proposing in a canoe!

skyeguye wrote:

Thank god he trusted what his fiance had already told him instead of changing everything because of a teenager's opinion on how things should be.

turbulent-parsley619 wrote:

My sister's engagement/wedding ring is a dark metal and green stone ring and her husband's sisters were like "You need a diamond!!!' but my sister is sorta goth and he knew exactly what she would want.

Same way they didn't have a wedding, just went to the courthouse and signed the papers, which my parents have always supported but his family were disappointed and kept saying he should get her a diamond ring to propose, and get married with a wedding band at a wedding.

(To be fair, they wanted a church wedding, which wasn't gonna happen cause my sister is an atheist lmao.) Basically, the moral of the story is family members need to mind their own business and trust the one proposing knows what's up.

A few months later, OP shared another update.

Not sure if anyone will remember my post about buying my gf a necklace instead of an engagement ring but I wanted to give a little update for anyone who was interested. Well, she is officially my ex girlfriend…because now she’s my WIFE! We got married this last weekend in a small ceremony in the snow with 20 of our closest friends and family.

Everything went off without a hitch and we had a great time. She still loves her engagement necklace and we ended up buying her a wedding band because lately shes been on a new medication that helps tremendously with her hands and she feels more confident/comfortable wearing a very simple ring.

She won’t wear it all the time I’m sure but she did want something a bit traditional to show that we are married(!!!!!)

I love her so much, I’m so happy to be married to someone so incredible. One more great thing is that ever since getting her situation with her hands under control, she’s been doing pottery again, something that she’s been passionate about for 19 years but hasn’t been able to do over the last 6 or so because of her condition.

Things are going so well and I just wanted to let you guys know that I really appreciate all of your kind words and encouragement when I was proposing. I was so terrified when I was in the middle of it but now life is so perfect I can’t even imagine feeling anxious again (though I know I will lol)

Thanks again, this community is very kind and I appreciate every one of you! Oh and one more thing, there’s no bad blood with her sister at all, she just wanted something more traditional for my wife but once she saw my wife’s reaction to the necklace she was incredibly kind and supportive, she was my wife’s maid of honor and did a spectacular job :)

The comments kept coming in.

Away-Understanding34 wrote:

Awww congrats! I am glad you both are doing well. I will admit you got me with the ex girlfriend line. Haha. Wishing you both peace and happiness!

OP responded:

Hahahah it’s an ongoing bit that we have, once we got engaged she kept saying “I can’t believe you’re my ex boyfriend now” and I just think she’s hilarious so I love stealing her material. And now that we’re married all of her jokes can be my jokes too. God this rules.

Pixatron32 wrote:

This is fantastic! I remember reading your post. You sounded so thoughtful and sweet and you now sound just like that but SO in love!

Congratulations to you both and wish you the best of happiness in your lives together.

No-Poet-4298 wrote:

This was such a sweet gesture to make her feel seen and loved. You clearly know her well, and I love how you speak about her.

Congrats to you two and cheers to a wonderful marriage ahead!

TatersMa wrote:

Congratulations 🎉 Isn't love fantastic. Hope you always feel this way about your ex-girlfriend. 🤭