'AITA if I refuse to quit my job because of my husband's big promotion?'

"WIBTA if I (41F) refuse to quit because of my husband's (49M) job?"

I am 41F, my husband is 49M, we have been married for 15 years. We both work at the same place, which is a large university. He applied for a promotion, and received it. The problem is that if he takes this job, he would be responsible for overseeing the department where I work. He wouldn't be my direct supervisor, but a couple levels up. I wouldn't be working with him directly.

When he applied, he told me that this wouldn't be a problem. Apparently, he was told that I could keep my job, but just report to someone else so I'm not in his direct chain of command. But after he got the job, we were told that this isn't possible and he can't take the job until I quit.

Apparently it is a rule in the employee handbook (government university so there are a lot of rules) that hasn't really been enforced that well until recently. For context, I currently make about 45k a year. In his current position, he makes 125k, and the new position would be about 145k.

He says that I don't even have to work anymore because we don't need that much money (we are in LCOL area, house paid off, and no kids). But to me, it's not about the money. I attended this university and worked in this department part time when I was a student, and then started full time as soon as I graduated.

I have been working with some of my coworkers longer than I've known my husband. I don't want to give it all up just so he can get a promotion, as I would probably be bored sitting at home.

He did mention that I can easily get another similar job in a different department on campus (our university is expanding and these types of jobs are a dime a dozen), but again, I don't want to make such a big change and there's no guarantee I would get along with my new coworkers and enjoy my work like I currently do. WIBTA if I refuse to submit my resignation?

The internet had a lot of comments and questions to add.

WatchingTellyNow wrote:

Who told him initially that the situation wouldn't be a problem? I don't think that him turning down the promotion should affect future promotions because he was given incorrect information, and if he'd had the correct information he might not have even applied (or at very least the conversation with you could have happened earlier).

The fault for this situation lies either with the person who gave him the wrong info (if it was someone who was in the position to make that call) or for your husband for not getting the reporting chain thing properly confirmed and making his application conditional on that being the case. But you're NTA for wanting to keep your job - it's not about the money, the job is more than just money to you.

OP responded:

It was HR that told him it wouldn't be a problem. To be fair, they did say that it "probably" wouldn't be a problem.

eowynsheiress wrote:

Seek more information from the university. See what they can do to help you BOTH out. You guys sound like ideal employees and they should want to retain you both. How they respond may make you feel better about a lateral transfer or leaving them entirely! Best wishes and good luck. Approach this as a team!

Strict_Soup_2679 wrote:

Info: if he doesn’t take the promotion, can your husband just keep the same job he has now?

OP responded:

Yes, he can. Although he did mention that not accepting a promotion that you applied for can look bad and cause problems, and he would basically never be able to apply again because they wouldn't trust him.

poeadam wrote:

NAH.

I think there are reasonable arguments to be made on both sides. One of you is going to have to compromise. Personally I’d err slightly on his side given you said you can easily get a similar job in a different department. But others might disagree.

Little_Attempted wrote:

NTA. It sounds like you've built a career and community at this university, and it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to give that up. It’s not just a job to you—it’s a part of your life that you enjoy and have been dedicated to for years. Asking you to quit for his promotion, especially after he originally said it wouldn’t be an issue, puts you in a really tough spot.

It’s great that he wants to provide for you, but that doesn’t mean your happiness or sense of purpose is less important. You shouldn’t feel like you have to sacrifice your career just because a rule wasn’t enforced properly. Hopefully, you and your husband can talk this through and find a solution where neither of you has to give up something you care about.

Street_Carrot_7442 wrote:

Info: would changing departments be guaranteed? How likely is it that you’ll be happy in a new one? Would a move derail your professional goals?

OP responded:

There's no guarantee, but I have received transfer offers before and there are constantly openings, so I'm fairly certain I could land a job in a different department in 3-4 months.

I have no idea how likely it is that I'll be happy in a new one. Like I said I have been working with some of my coworkers for decades, we are like family. I don't really care about professional goals, this job is mostly to keep busy and give me something to do.

Meshmaker wrote:

NTA. This is tough and not at all fair to you. He needs to acknowledge that your friends and working environment are important, regardless of your salary. Personally I would consider changing departments only if he understands and values the sacrifice you’re considering.

Tell him it’s only 20k but respect within the marriage is priceless. To anyone who wants to blather on about the man’s job being more important or that he makes more money so he must be more important, FO. Her happiness matters too!