'AITA for refusing to attend my estranged father’s funeral? I found out he left me everything in his will.' UPDATED

"AITAH for refusing to attend my estranged father’s funeral, only to find out he left me everything in his will?"

So, here’s the deal: I (28F) had a terrible relationship with my dad. He walked out on my mom and me when I was 10 and only popped up in my life when he needed something—usually money or a favor.

He remarried, had two other kids, and basically acted like I didn’t exist. When I turned 18, I decided I was done with him. No calls, no visits, nothing. He tried reaching out a few times over the years, but it always felt forced, so I ignored him.

My mom passed away a few years ago, and I didn’t even hear from him then. It solidified my decision to cut him off for good. Fast forward to a month ago. I got a call from his wife saying he had passed away unexpectedly. She was sobbing and asked if I’d come to the funeral. I said no. I didn’t feel anything—no grief, no sadness, just...nothing.

Why should I show up to mourn someone who wasn’t there for me when I needed him? His wife begged me to reconsider, saying it would mean a lot to his family. She even said my half-siblings wanted me there to “heal old wounds.” But I still refused. I told her, “I made peace with him being out of my life a long time ago.”

A week after the funeral, I got a call from a lawyer. Turns out, my dad left a will, and in it, he left everything to me—his house, his savings, his car, everything. His wife and kids got absolutely nothing. I was floored. I didn’t even know he had that much to leave behind. The lawyer told me my dad had tried to make amends and felt guilty about abandoning me, so he wanted to “make things right.”

Now his wife and kids are furious with me, saying I “stole” their inheritance and didn’t even have the decency to show up at the funeral. I feel conflicted. On one hand, I didn’t ask for any of this. On the other, I get why they’re mad. I didn’t have a relationship with my dad, but now I’m walking away with everything, while they’re left with nothing. AITAH?

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Edit: I have decided to meet with the lawyer tomorrow to give everything back to the wife and her family. They’re still angry at me and I can’t blame them. What my dad did was messed up. I wouldn’t want to leave them in the position my dad left my mother and I. I don’t think I have the heart to respond to any more comments but I do appreciate all the love and support I have received. Thank you all.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

CystAdmin wrote:

Plot twist: absentee dad leaves you the main character inheritance, and now you’re the villain in someone else’s story.

OP responded:

Honestly, it’s a wild plot twist, but the truth is, I don’t even want the money. I’m doing fine on my own, and it just feels...wrong. Like dirty money, honestly. It’s coming from someone who wasn’t there when I needed him and only tried to make amends at the last minute.

I’d rather move forward without any of it than be tied to him in that way. It’s funny how people can see it as a win when to me, it’s just a reminder of everything I never had from him.

mcmurrl wrote:

If you are in the states his wife can contest the will and she will get something. In the states a person who is married cannot disinherit their spouse. Just be aware of this because if she starts telling people someone will enlighten her.

Regular-Trick15 wrote:

NTA. He f-ked up as a parent when it mattered most. He did the right thing by you in the end, but that doesn't mean he's absolved. Sounds like he never went to the trouble to make a will that would consider his wife and other children. What a peach. Write them a check - or don't. But if it were me, I'd keep the lion's share. It's yours.

wlfwrtr wrote:

NTA You didn't steal anything and have nothing to be conflicted about. Your father knew your emotional distance was his fault or he wouldn't have left the message with your father to tell you. Have to wonder if wife knew about the will and that's why she wanted you to come to get to know the family at the funeral.

It would be easier to guilt trip you if you met them in person. Doubt everything was good with his family life or he wouldn't have left them out. He knew he made your past hard on you so was trying to help make your future better. Accept the inheritance.

Material_Cellist4133 wrote:

NTA. BTW it’s not your inheritance - it’s his child support, emotional neglect money and physical neglect money. You deserve that money because unlike everyone else who receives that support while the parent is still alive and you are still a child - you ended up getting it after he passed away.

Lonely-World-981 wrote:

This sounds like horses--t creative writing. It's nearly impossible to fully disinherit a spouse in every English speaking country, and disinheriting children needs to be explicit. "I am apologizing to one child, by explicitly disinheriting and abandoning my other children," makes little sense.

W0ndering-me wrote:

You're not walking away with "everything."

They had a present dad, physically, emotionally, financially. Would they sacrifice all of that for his inheritance?