'AITA for refusing to babysit my sister's two daughters while she gives birth? She's pressuring me.'
"AITA for not having an in-depth discussion with my sister about why I won't babysit her two daughters while she has her third child?"
My sister (38f) asked me (26f) if I would babysit her two daughters (5f and 4f) while she gives birth to her third child. I told her no because I don't feel comfortable babysitting them. My sister asked me why and I told her that the girls not getting along and all the trouble between them is more than I could handle for an unknown amount of time.
I told her there was nothing that would make me more willing to babysit in these circumstances. For those wondering how bad it can be between them, it's bad. Sibling rivalry, or whatever this is, has been awful between them since they started any kind of independent play. They're very mean to each other.
They get very loud together because they'll scream at each other and throw things so the other can't play with it. There is no setting where they can get along. My parents have babysat them together and they told me it was exhausting and none of the consequences for being mean/acting out helped them calm down.
My dad said it was like two fighting cats and nothing short of separating them calms things down. My sister and I went out with the girls before she got pregnant. Just a girls day out. I wasn't even alone with them then and I felt out of my depth. They fought the whole day and the oldest says she hates her sister a lot.
While the youngest is the loudest during any fight or when she's expressing an issue with her sister. The hug it out method that my sister and her husband use never works. They refuse to touch at all let alone hug. They can never find a hired babysitter who'll keep the girls for the agreed time. They always get called home early from dates. They've tried over 20 babysitters.
My sister is aware of the problems between her girls. She doesn't like when anyone tries to give advice about what to do. So I didn't go into more details with her when I was explaining why. But she said we needed to sit down and have a more in-depth discussion about my reasons because she wants to try and figure something out seeing as I'm the best person for the job.
I told her we have no reason to have this discussion, that she needs to accept my no and find someone else to babysit. She told me it's too risky for her to deliver alone because she's always had complicated deliveries. Her husband needs to be beside her and not home with the girls. So I need to talk this out with her and help her. AITA?
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
beepbeepboop7466 wrote:
NTA my sister and I fought like this as children. She pushed me down so much as a baby they thought I had developmental delays because I couldn’t walk. It’s nothing I did she just wanted to be an only child and I refused to be her sl-ve.
We went to different schools our whole lives because of it. We’re in our 30s now and don’t have a relationship. The kids need therapy if there’s any hope of them ever getting along.
NoSalamander7749 wrote:
NTA. You already had a discussion with her about why you're not comfortable babysitting them for however many weeks it takes. What she wants is a discussion where she can refute your concerns and convince you to watch them despite what you've already told her. I feel for her, but it's not your issue to solve.
Own_Lack_4526 wrote:
NTA.
You need to strongly - STRONGLY - suggest family therapy to your sister. This is only going to get worse when there is a baby involved - unless the two of them view the baby as a common enemy and join forces that way.
apieceofeight wrote:
Info: are the two girls in therapy? This level of discord should be addressed by a professional, I would think. NTA for not wanting to babysit. Your sister needs to respect your boundaries. I do wonder though if there’s a compromise where they can be split up among other siblings or friends during the birth.
OP responded:
No, no therapy at all. My sister and her husband feel the girls are too young for therapy to be involved/needed.
Weird_Protection214 wrote:
NTA. Idk why your sister is acting surprised that you declined babysitting them for potentially multiple days when you have declined babysitting them for even a few hours in the past.
Even if her birth goes quickly and with zero complications, she’ll be in L&D for at least 10-12 hours. Your reasons for declining are totally valid, and she should respect that. Your parents would be far better candidates for babysitting the girls for that length of time. Did your sister ask them first?
OP responded:
They already said no. They'll likely be out of town (they have plans to visits friends for a couple of weeks). But my parents also said they're not capable of taking care of both girls. They found it too hard.
Esmeweatherwax7a wrote:
NTA for refusing to babysit. Although if the only problem with the girls is their behavior when they are together, could you take one of them and your parents take the other?
I am not trying to talk you into sitting on a regular basis but if your sister can't keep a regular sitter under normal circumstances, this might be something to consider as a one-time deal. I don't love how much your sister is pressuring you, though, and if that's reason enough to decline the discussion, it's perfectly justified.
OP responded:
My parents are most likely not going to be in town. They have plans to visit friends. It's just me because our other siblings and her husband's family also refused and they also wouldn't babysit one.