'AITA for refusing babysit my sister’s baby even though I work from home?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing babysit my sister’s baby even though I work from home?"

I live in a small apartment and recently started working from home as a junior designer. It’s not glamorous I’m still new, learning a lot and working crazy hours to prove myself. I don’t have much, but I’m trying to build independence. My older sister (25F) just had a baby three months ago. She and her boyfriend are in tough spot financially.

Last week, she asked if I could help them by babysitting the baby during weekdays “just for a few months,” since I work from home anyway. I said no. I love my niece, but I told her that I can’t take care of a baby and work at the same time.

It’s not like I’m watching YouTube all day. I’m on video calls, tight deadlines, and constantly juggling tasks. I also don’t feel ready to be responsible for a newborn. I don’t even have a car or proper baby stuff.

She cried. Like, full breakdown. Said I was abandoning her, that “family is supposed to help,” and that she would’ve done it for me if the roles were reversed. She told our parents, and now they’re blowing up my phone saying I’m being cold, selfish, and acting like a child even though I’m an adult now

What’s worse is my mom said “if you weren’t working from home, I’d understand. But you’re literally just sitting there”Now I feel like crap. But also…isn’t their child? Just because I don’t have a kid doesn’t mean I’m suddenly free labor, am I overreacting?

The internet had OP's back all the way.

torrentialwx wrote:

I work from home. People really seem to think that we just sit around twiddling our thumbs all day. We’re working actual jobs and many of us are busting our asses all day. She obviously doesn’t think much of your job nor have a clue what working from home looks like.

I’d invite her to spend a day with you while you work to convince her you’re not ‘abandoning’ her, but so she understands what you actually do during the day, ad she obviously doesn’t think you do much.

Tell her that you are just trying to show her what you do and that she can point out at any time during the day where you’d have a moment to care for a frickin newborn (and btw, I have two young kids, so I know that’d be utterly impossible).

Clear-ad5165 wrote:

Where do people like this come from....a no is a f#$king no. And why do people feel guilty that they can't obviously do something. Family doesn't help family to put themselves out. The entitlement. I would never babysit ever after the way she acted and what she said. The disrespect because sis didn't get her way. She shouldn't have had a chid if she can't afford one,

Conscious_tapestry wrote:

You’re not “just sitting there.” You’re working.

I wouldn’t want a distracted person watching my child.

You can’t do both. So your sister wants you to risk your job — your new career, in fact — to watch her kid when you have no experience watching an infant.

This situation would be awful for everyone. You and the baby, especially. ETA: NOR.

Consistent-Ad3191 wrote:

How is it acting like a child when you have a job and responsibilities if they have an issue with it, let them babysit. Tell your parents to either step up or shut up and anybody else that has a problem with it. Your job is just as important as theirs and you have to survive too just because you're related doesn't entitled them to your time.

Tell them who's gonna pay my bills and anybody that has a problem tell them I'm a grown adult and I don't need to answer to anybody and to grow up they should've thought about the consequences of having a child before actually having one if they couldn't afford a babysitter or childcare, they shouldn't have had a child.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

Since telling my sister I couldn’t babysit her 3 month old during work hours, things blown up. My sister won’t talk to me, and my parents keep calling me selfish. My mom keeps saying I’m “just sitting at home” and should help “for a few months” because that’s what family does.

I tried explaining that I’m still new at my job, under pressure, and terrified of messing up. Watching a newborn while juggling meetings and deadlines isn’t just hard, it’s impossible. I even offered to help in other other ways like on weekends or helping them find affordable childcare, but that didn’t matter. It feels like unless I say yes to exactly what they want, I’m the bad.

Now I’m getting guilt tripped daily, and it’s exhausting. I love my niece, but I didn’t choose to be a parent. Im doing my best to build a life, and I'm scared this could derail everything. I still feel bad… but I don’t think I was wrong to say no.

The internet continued to share their thoughts.

redcore4 wrote:

If it’s that easy, your sister can get a wfh job and watch her own baby while she works. But the reason she isn’t doing that is that looking after a baby is a full time job in itself. I think this is a situation where the only way to avoid getting bullied is to remember that your phone has a block function.

You’ve set a clear boundary and the only way to enforce it is to limit your contact with your family until they get the point. Tell them when you will be available to help out and then literally don’t be available during your work or recharging/self care times. Your sister and her partner had an obligation to make sure they were competent and capable to support a child before choosing to have one.

That they chose not to is no fault of yours and not your mess to fix.

There are plenty of cultures where grandparents baby wear to work whilst looking after new grandkids. Perhaps your parents’ money should go where their mouths are.

OP responded:

Thank you, this really helped me feel more confident about setting my boundaries. You’re right, it’s not my responsibility to fix their choices.

beepbeepboo85 wrote:

The baby is not your responsibility. You have a job which you won’t be able to do successfully if you are also looking after a baby. Your sister chose to have a baby, she’s now got to live with that decision.

OP responded:

Thank you! I really needed to hear this. It’s not easy when your own family tries to guilt trip you.

boringbutkewt wrote:

Tell your sister to take her baby to work and see how well she manages to do her job with a screaming, hungry newborn. When she tells you she can’t take the baby tell her she should get a fecking nanny, like everyone else in the world. This is not your baby. Stand your ground and don’t give into pressure.

OP responded:

I like the idea of her figuring it out with the baby in tow, might give her a new perspective. I’m just worried she’ll double down and guilt me more. Maybe I’ll suggest the nanny idea and see how she reacts.

Dixieland_insanity wrote:

NTA.

Your family is way out of line with this. Working from home is just that; working. They wouldn't be demanding this if you worked in an office building somewhere.

Your sister decided to have a baby. She had many months to plan for childcare and failed to do so. It isn't your responsibility to make up for her bad planning. Since your mother has such strong opinions, she should be volunteering to help with the baby. This isn't your responsibility. Don't let them guilt trip you.