'AITA for refusing to be the Designated Driver for the new girl of the friend group?'
"AITA for refusing to be the Designated Driver for the new girl of the friend group?"
I (33 M) met my friend group Laura (32F), Anthony (31M), Julie (28F), when I moved to Paris for my work around 8 years ago.
When we go out, here is the deal :
I'm the only one with a driver's license, so I'm the DD. I drive and pay for the gas, parking, etc. (everything related to the car) in exchange for 1 coke per passenger.
-During the night, if needed, I'll go with you to retrieve something in my car (a coat, cigarettes, make-up, cash, etc.)
When it's time to leave, I'll drive everyone to their place and walk them to their door while the others wait in the car. The problem started a few weeks ago; we were already at the bar. When Marie (29F) Anthony's new GF went to take a second or third round, I asked her to take me a coke, and she asked for my credit card.
Before I could say anything, Anthony just said, "Come on, babe, I explained to you how it works. Don't make a scene." She just replied, "Urgh" walked to the bar, and came back with just her drink. I just looked at Anthony, rolled my eyes, ordered myself a coke, and moved on.
Later that night, Laura came to ask for my car keys and asked me not to come. All the girls are going together. Reading between the lines, I understood that it was to get a tampon or a pad from the first aid kit that I always have in my car. (Both Laura and Julie know that I have feminine hygiene products in my first aid kit since, in the past 8 years, it has already happened for them to be the ones in need of it).
A few minutes later Marie came back charging at me and started to scream that I'm a pervert, why would a "F slur" have feminine hygiene product in their car, that she was right not to pay me a coke since I am a creep, a free loader, and other stuff still in the same tone.
She created such a scene that we were all kicked out of the bar. While walking back to my car, Marie kept her act, screaming insults and other names to me while fake crying.
So I snapped and told her, "Listen to me B-, enjoy your ride home, 'cause it will be your first and last one. I won't leave you here to make sure you go home safe only out of respect for your BF, but after that, you can find your own way to and from the club and bar." After that, we all got to the car, and the ride home was very quiet...
Fast Forward to this weekend. In the group chat, we are planning a night out; the first one since the incident. And Marie (who joined the group chat) asked for my address and gave me hers, so I could drive her home.
I just reminded her of what happened a few weeks ago, that I was serious, that I wouldn't drive her home, and that I don't want her at my place at the moment. She called me petty and an AH before leaving the chat group. And now the friend group is divided. Anthony said, "I'm staying out of it" while Julie and Laura don't agree if Marie is right or not. So tell me, Reddit AITA?
The internet had lots to say in response.
KBD_in_PDX wrote:
NTA and it's not right of your friends to stay out of it, since it seems extremely obvious that Marie is mistreating you. These people all get a pretty sweet deal out of your generosity, and Marie could realistically mess it up for everyone with her entitled attitude and her inappropriate outbursts. I'm surprised Anthony still wants to date her after watching her treat his friends that way...
spyd3rm0nki3 wrote:
NTA but are you sure you got those ages right?? Why is everyone in your friend group acting like a 12-year-old? Why is Marie even in this friend group? And why are so many period accidents happening so often that you need to carry products in your car? Do none of these women have purses?
lihzee wrote:
NTA. She behaved horribly. You don't owe her a thing - I am not sure I would have driven her home that first evening, so you're a better person than I am.
Having-hope3594 wrote:
NTA. This woman should’ve apologized to you first. And it sounds like she is way out of control when she starts drinking. It’s quite privileged to have someone drive you door-to-door and let you enjoy drinking. She refused to buy your drink and so loud and insulting that you all got kicked out. That’s terrible!
noeljb wrote:
NTA. When we had designated drivers (I'm old and don't go out drinking anymore). All their drinks were free. Either we paid or the bar would sometimes give them free sodas. Not just one per person, ALL their drinks.
We also paid gas and little extra for wear and tear (oil, tires etc). You are kind enough to carry emergency feminine supplies, I never would have thought of that. No, you are not the A-hole.
Optimal-Apple-2070 wrote:
NTA but dude, these people are not really your friends. She called you a slur and a pervert and said she was right to not pay you for DDing (bc that's what the cokes are) bc she thinks you're a dirty gay pervert.
Anyone who thinks she has even the right to be upset is saving space for the possibility that you might be a dirty gay pervert who doesn't deserve to be paid for the service he provides.Are these even people who would give you the time of day if you didn't have a car to drive them around? Bc from this post, signs point to "no."