'AITA for refusing to give up my coffee shop table for a woman recovering from back surgery?'

"AITA for refusing to give up my table in a coffee shop for a woman who supposedly was recovering from back surgery?"

On Saturday mornings I study at a café. It is always crowded (coffee shop noise helps me focus), so I show up at opening time (8am), order some food and a drink, and stay for 2-3 hours. The layout is mostly two person tables that can be pushed together, with some larger tables as well as counter seating.

Even though I go on my own, I always sit at a 2 person table, as the counters are uncomfortable for me and they do not have much space. I also like sitting against the wall so that people walking by can’t see my computer screen. Yesterday at ~9am, I was doing work at a table when a random woman sat across from me.

This ticked me off because I don’t like my personal space being invaded, and I would have appreciated it if she had asked me before sitting down, but I ignored it. I was near the counter that day, so she might have just been waiting for her food. As I looked up, I noticed she was talking to another woman in the line to order (we’ll call the first woman Beatrice and the second woman Suzy).

Suzy was saying how they might have to take their food to go because no tables were available. Beatrice didn’t address me directly, but she gestured to me, as if planning to take over my table. This ticked me off more because it was like I was an object that could be moved, but I knew when the time came I would ask them not to sit at my table.

Sure enough, Suzy got the order in and brought her number to my table. She then asked if I wouldn’t mind moving to the counters so that her friend could sit here, saying her friend had recently had back surgery and the counters would be too uncomfortable for her. I told her no–the counters are uncomfortable for me too, and there would not be enough space for all of my books and notebooks.

She called me rude and inconsiderate and said I shouldn’t even be there because I wasn’t eating anything. I said I had bought breakfast and a drink, not that it was their business, and that they could take things to go. Eventually, one of the workers came over and asked if they were bothering me. I said they were, and Beatrice and Suzy were asked to leave.

When I got home, I recounted the story to my roommate. I thought she would be as horrified as I was by their behavior, but she was hesitant to take a side. She said their behavior was rude and entitled, but at the same time I was taking up a table at a notoriously busy cafe for a long time and I could have moved.

Later, my sister likened it to not giving up a seat to a disabled person on public transit. This I don’t agree with because transportation is a NEED for a lot of people, and these people didn’t NEED to sit down at this café.

Also, maybe this is AH-y of me, but I think a lot of people say they have back issues or some other mild condition just to get things they want. Both my sister and my roommate said it was a “they had to BE there” kind of situation for them to decide, so I’m wondering if any of you can decide if I’m TA without having been there?

The internet was divided on this one.

passionfruiting wrote:

NTA mostly, but moreso I'm shocked at the amount of people who think that studying at a cafe for 2-3 hours is wrong 😭 That’s such basic student behavior I'm having a hard time understanding why that’s shocking.

Snailsinyouranus wrote:

ESH. It’s literally impossible where I live to get a spot at a cafe to socialize because of people like you who order something and then stay for 2+hours past when they finish said item.

They literally fill up the cafes and you either have to wait 20+ minutes (or more) for one to leave or reschedule/relocate your 30min catchup with a friend or whatever, which is extremely frustrating. You should be going to a library or less busy cafe to do this, but she shouldn’t have pushed the matter when you said no.

AvocadoJazzlike3670 wrote:

I personally think it’s rude to occupy a table at a busy cafe for hours.

FacetiousTomato wrote:

ESH. After your intro I was ready to hate you, but the way it sounds like they just turned up and assumed they could take your table is absolutely infuriating. You studying in a busy cafe for multiple hours, taking up a two person table at the busiest time of the week, is sh-ty of you. I think it makes you an AH, though some might say since you're paying you're entitled to do so. Their entitlement makes them AHs.

MiscreantMarsupial wrote:

NTA. I agree that she didn't need to sit down. If she did recently have back surgery, she shouldn't be dining at places with limited seating. Plus, the way they went about trying to appropriate your table was pretty bold. I would have stayed at the table just because of that.

RB1327 wrote:

"I was taking up a table at a notoriously busy cafe for a long time."

ESH, Everyone Sucks Here. The woman was OK to ask, but when you declined that should have been the end of the discussion.

Coffee shops do somewhat encourage 'hanging out' so I get it. But when there are no available tables for new patrons and you've already been there you typically stay 2-3 hours then yeah you're an AH both for hogging space and for affecting business.

Logical-Layer9518 wrote:

"A lot of people say they have back issues or some other mild condition just to get things they want."

This attitude is why those of us with invisible illnesses and disabilities often don't get our needs met. It's exhausting.

slendermanismydad wrote:

YTA. I manged a coffee shop and your behavior was one of the things I hated the most. You drove away other customers because they didn't have anywhere to sit. A coffee shop is not an office. The amount of people who order a coffee and then sit there for hours really screwed up our business.

You should have been asked to leave. They let you stay because they're thinking, oh, she comes a lot, not thinking but you just drove at least two customers away. You're really going oh I think they lied to get their way when you're taking up an entire table and get mad if someone else sits there. Yes, that's rude but you are also being rude.

Pear_tickle wrote:

YTA.

I’m surprised the cafe tolerates you settling into a table for 2-3 hours on a busy Saturday morning. That kind of work from a cafe behavior is typically reserved for slow periods.

explodingwhale17 wrote:

ESH. They were pushy, but taking a 2 person table for hours in a busy cafe when it is very obvious other people need seating is an A H move as well.

No_Plantain_1699 wrote:

I don’t think your AH for not moving necessarily but I do think YTA for questioning someone’s disability. I had neurosurgery related to my psoas muscle and my pain and discomfort probably weren’t totally obvious to everyone during recovery but they were real and the damage remains today almost two years later. This poor woman’s back surgery was likely real, too.