'AITA for refusing to cook meals with less flourishes for my sister-in-law?'
"AITA for refusing to cook meals with less flourishes for my sister-in-law?"
I (F28) make meals everyday for me and my husband (M31) to take to work. I enjoy adding my own personal flourish to the meals, usually something like putting toppings in the shape of a heart or drawing a cute face on a snack.
It’s a fun hobby of mine, and it brings me joy later in the day to open my lunch and see it nicely arranged. A few years ago, my sister-in-law (F33) had to take a lower-paying job after an accident left her unable to work at her previous one. I began making her meals like I did for my husband and myself as I knew she was struggling both financially and emotionally.
She lives very close to us, so my husband always just dropped them off on his commute to work. I always added my extra touch to her meals as well, as I enjoy cooking and figured it would be a nice thing to do. However she called me a few months ago and asked if I could stop making her lunches so bourgeois.
I legitimately thought she was joking calling a heart-shaped piece of seaweed bourgeois, but according to her, none of her colleagues at work have such elaborate lunches, and it makes her feel as if she is flaunting her status. She is not paying me for the lunches and it takes me an extra ten minutes maximum to add a fun touch to them, so I was confused on her train of thought.
I thought that maybe her coworkers were taking her lunch and she didn’t want to tell me, but I agreed to make the lunches less fancy because I wanted her to feel comfortable. Since I make the exact same meals for all three of us, now I just don’t put effort into the presentation of one of them.
Since my husband drops off the lunch on his way to work, there has been one or two times where he has accidentally given her the wrong box. I have labeled which lunch is not flourished, but in the rush of the commute there is still the occasional instance of taking the wrong box.
My sister-in-law asked me a few days ago if I could just stop making both me and my husband’s lunches “fancy,” due to the risk of her being given the wrong one. I refused, as it makes me happy to see the extra touch of personality in the food and told her that she wouldn’t die from one accidental “fancy” meal, which she was furious at and hung up on me.
She has been refusing to talk to me over the past few days and when I tried to call her to reason she kept hanging up. She has told my husband that she will only talk to me if I agree to stop making all of our lunches so “bourgeois."
I am still making her lunches every day and my husband dropping them off, and while my husband agrees with me that her demand was out of order, he has now said that maybe I should just make all the food less flourished just so that she will not be angry if there is an accidental swap of lunches.
I know it would be easy on me to just not flourish the food, but I don't want to give up my hobby for a theoretical chance of her receiving the wrong box. AITA for refusing?
Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.
Edit: This is out of character behavior for my SIL. She is usually a very sweet and considerate person, she watches my daughter for free, and has never been so reactionary about a lunch before. I'm unsure about completely stopping giving her lunches due to one issue when she is normally so kind. I will provide an update when I talk with her and my husband.
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
diminishingpatience wrote:
NTA. You make her a free lunch every day. "Thank you" is all you should hear from her. "I know it would be easy on me to just not flourish the food."
It's even easier not to make it for her at all.
TheWoman2 wrote:
NTA but I think there is something more going on here. Is this kind of reaction normal for her when she doesn't like something? It just seems like such an odd overreaction that I wonder if there is something she isn't telling you that would make it make sense.
OP responded:
I thought so too, normally she's a really reasonable and kind person so it didn't make sense to me that she was so reactive over her lunch. The only issue that I could think of was that maybe she was giving the lunch to someone else and that she didn't want it to be obvious that she did not cook it? I am not sure.
logwfh wrote:
Why don't you colour code the lunch boxes so that it will be easy to quickly identify which box is the SIL? Overall NTA, you are doing her a favour, she should be grateful and if the issue is her workmates making comments then she really should be standing up for you to them that you are such a supportive SIL and they should be all lucky to have someone like you in their life.
Outrageous-Bluejay59 wrote:
NTA.
Honestly you're a better person than me. I would have not made her anymore lunches if she wants to be immature and not communicate over that.
PrairieGrrl5263 wrote:
NTA but you're still making that ungrateful, entitled woman lunches. Why?
OP responded:
She is a very good and sweet person normally, she watches my daughter for free and expects nothing in return all the time. I do not understand why she is acting like this over lunches.
Forward_Nothing5979 wrote:
NTA. If anybody packs a homemade free meal for me daily I would say thanks and be so happy. Only legitimate complaint ever on something like that would be allergies. Save the time and cash you spend and quit making her lunch. She has a job and can afford her own. All it does is either cause her stress or give her stuff to be rude about. Do not accommodate rude ungrateful behavior ever.