'AITA for refusing to cover for my roommate after she lied to her boyfriend?'

"AITA for refusing to cover for my roommate after she lied to her boyfriend?"

I (18F) share a dorm with my roommate "Mia" (18F). We get along well most of the time, but she has a habit of lying to her boyfriend, "Jake" (19M), about where she is and what she's doing. She’ll tell him she’s "studying" when she’s actually at a party or say she’s "going to bed" while sneaking out to meet other guys.

It’s not really my business, so I’ve always stayed out of it. Last weekend, she asked me to cover for her. She told Jake she was staying in with me to watch movies, but in reality, she went to a frat party. I told her I wasn’t comfortable lying, and she said, "It’s just a little white lie. He’s too controlling anyway." I still refused.

That night, Jake showed up unexpectedly with takeout for both of us. When he saw Mia wasn’t there, he asked where she was. I didn’t say anything at first, but he kept pressing, saying, "She told me she was with you." I just said, "You should probably talk to Mia about that," which was enough for him to figure out she wasn’t where she said she was. Now,, Mia is furious at me.

She says I "ruined her relationship" and that I "should have just backed her up." I told her it wasn’t my job to lie for her, and she called me a bad friend and a "pick-me" for siding with her boyfriend. Some of our friends think I should have just gone along with it because "it wasn’t a big deal," while others say I did the right thing. AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

SmartQuokka wrote:

NTA. Being complicit in someone else lying to their partner is not how to do things.

This reminds of the Reddit famous (Order of) Omar. You have made Omar proud.

hikemtnsnh wrote:

NTA. She and her bf ruined the relationship - he did by being "controlling" (if that's true), and she did by lying rather than communicating. Someone can ask you to damage your own integrity on their behalf, but you are under no obligation to lie for another person. Any relationship built on this kind of BS is doomed, anyway.

AnonSpawns wrote:

NTA. She could’ve thought of another cover that wouldn’t have involved you. Especially after you made it clear you didn’t want to lie for her. She took a stupid risk by including you anyway and got caught, that’s on her.

moew4974 wrote:

NTA. What I don’t understand is that the boyfriend showed up to their shared place looking for gf. She was obviously not there. What was OP supposed to do? Make up another lie to cover her initial lie?

What could OP have even said about her whereabouts that wouldn’t have been called out immediately as the lie it was? Roommate is at the store getting more snacks— boyfriend waits. Roommate decided to go study— boyfriend either goes to library or still waits.

Roommate decided to go spend evening with other friends— boyfriend either still waits or asks which friend, etc. Nothing OP could have said would’ve helped this situation. It’s obvious the boyfriend doesn’t trust roommate with good reason. OP said the only thing possible under the circumstances that did not get herself involved in the drama that is the roommate.

MarionBerryOk2874 wrote:

I’m confused. Jake showed up where she said she was going to be and she obviously wasn’t there…how is that your fault?? Exactly what lie were you supposed to tell that would cover for her or ‘back her up’ at that point? ‘Well, she was here a minute ago…?’ 🙄 Please. This is on Mia, but she doesn’t want to accept responsibility for her actions. NTA.

AVeryBrownGirlNerd wrote:

NTA. This is a lose-lose situation because either way the roommate made you an unwilling accomplice here. This would open her up to ask you for more favors. You're not psychic. You don't know what move he will pull next. For example, she tells him you both are at the library. He shows up at the library bringing coffee to treat you both.

I find your roommate to be incredibly selfish for pulling you into this. Plus, if her boyfriend is "so controlling", break up with him. She can't be mad at you for "ruining her relationship" when she did it single-handedly.

(Now, I don't want to dismiss actual instances of DV and similar. We should not take it lightly. But, this reads more that the roommate wants the whole cake. She wants to have fun - party and flirt - cheat most likely - but be in a relationship too.)

bizkitman2 wrote:

NTA. It's not your circus, and it's not your monkeys.

Or is it monkies? I've been watching a lot of retro tv shows lately...

Monalot-a wrote:

NTA.

A couple of things:

The guy literally showed up at your apartment and could see with his own 2 eyes she wasn't there.

It isn't your place to lie for your roommate. You didn't ruin her relationship, she did by her choices.

Why does she want to be with this guy anyway? Sounds like she wants to be single and party. There's nothing wrong with that. You handled this like a mature adult. Your roommate needs to grow up. Don't let her gaslight you into thinking you did anything wrong. Make her accountable for her choices and decisions.

Motor_Dark4606 wrote:

NTA, Mia is delusional. in what warped sitcom version of her life did she think you could still cover for her after her bf literally showed up at the dorm, where she said she was going to be all night?

You could have Really come clean and told him where she was, but you just told him to talk to his gf. She ruined her own relationship that she clearly doesn't even want in the first place. Tell her she's not th main character in your life and to take responsibility for herself.

MajorAd2697 wrote:

NTA. Your roommate is stupid on top of being a liar. Her boyfriend came to your room. He has eyes, he could clearly see she wasn’t where she told him she was. Not everyone is a liar like her. You did the right thing not to lie.

Some people have integrity, some have no morals…