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'AITA for refusing to create an expense report for my SO's inheritance money?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to create an expense report for my SO's inheritance money?' UPDATED

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"AITA? I don't want to create an expense report for my SO's inheritance money."

I have supported us financially for nearly 8 years. He quits jobs like he quits styles, so I have been the bread winner (and often the ONLY source of income) for our entire relationship. His father died recently, and he inherited some money. Now he wants "an itemized report of where every dime of his money goes"...

like I get that he wants to make sure the money is spent wisely, but, I have always cleared every purchase with him even when it was "my" money because I feel like it is our money/our income even if it was my paycheck....now he suddenly inherits money (for perspective, it's still less than my salary, so we're not talking millions of dollars or anything crazy) and wants to know where HIS money is spent.

I said, "ok, I will do that for you, but I find it interesting that you never questioned how the money was being spent when it wasn't 'yours' and it was 'ours'"... I've now decided to withdraw "his" money from the checking account and hand him "his" cash so he can spend it and keep track of it himself (in the morning, when the bank opens)...so he's pissed and doesn't understand why I'm pissed.

AITA for getting mad that my partner wants to account for "every dime of HIS money" when I've been supporting us for 7+ years and he's never been interested in our finances prior?

Edit: I've had a lot of DMs/comments saying the same things so I'll just address it here: I can't just evict him, he is on the lease and has tenants rights. It would cost $2200 and a 60-day notice to break the lease, which only has 3 months left anyways so that option doesn't make sense.

We aren't married, no kids (nor do I want or can have them anyways), so I don't need to worry about divorce or "the future children". It was a life insurance payout so legally it wouldn't be seen as income or communal property. Although the fair/respectable thing to do would be for him to make it part of our household, he doesn't have to nor can I make him do so.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

NTA. And while you are at it divide all the bills in half so he can spend “his” money and his half and you can spend “your” money on your half. Maybe this will wake him up to see that it is a team effort when you are married.

said:

Obviously NTA. If he wants to track where all “his” money is being spent, why shouldn’t he do it himself?

said:

NTA. If I had to guess I'd say you're in this relationship because you're afraid of being single. I can't think of a single reason why you would support someone who doesn't care about how much you're doing for them, who doesn't appreciate you, and the MINUTE they get some money for themselves they treat you like YOU'RE the one being supported here.

Not worth it, there's better out there for you hun. But you won't ever find it cuz you're too busy being caretaker to a selfish, lazy AH.

said:

NTA. Let this experience be a wake up call for you.

said:

NTA what a ridiculous thing for him to ask. The sheer entitlement is mind blowing. I would set aside rent and utilities money for the next year and then give him the rest so he can keep track of it. Use this money to relieve the financial pressure from yourself and maybe he'll also realise how much you have done for him in the last 8 years.

Also , obviously communicate why you are so deeply hurt by this because financial arguments may lead to resentment on someone's part and he just might be so clueless.

Additionally, I don't understand why you've enabled him to be a leech for the last 8 years because it honestly sounds like this may be a monster you have created. Involve him in your finances as a couple and also set aside money for yourself, a joint checking for rent and such and personal always works best I find.

Most commenters agreed: NTA.

OP later shared this update:

I told him we will be opening a separate account with his inheritance money in it - he can get a job and direct deposit into said account if he chooses, but the purpose of the account is to separate "his" money from "mine".

We hate our apartment so neither of us were planning on staying here after the lease anyways. Not sure what the living situation will look like afterwards, but we both know we need to plan on moving within the next few months.

We are dividing the money (not 50/50, because I don't think that is appropriate given it being his inheritance money) and I will have a portion of it to "repay" some of the expenses he's cost me over the years.

I broke down his annual expenses (again) and told him he can either pay for it out of his money or get a job; I don't care where the money comes from, but paying his share of the bills is non-negotiable. Again this won't be a 50/50 split (I make decent money and don't want to run through his inheritance in mere months) but he needs to be responsible for himself.

He looked shocked but agreed with my terms. I've always been fair (or given myself the shorter end of the stick because I know I can bounce back faster than he can) so he had no reason to distrust me from the beginning of this.

I think he realizes that now. He knows he's impulsive and piss poor with money, and I've always made sure he was provided for. Hopefully this was the wakeup call he needed...if not, at least it will be over in a couple months.

A few weeks later, she shared this second update:

He paid off a credit card that I maxed out supporting him, and will be paying off the balance on my truck. So he is essentially splitting the money with me now.

Sources: Reddit
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