'AITA for refusing free dental work to my financially struggling family members?'
"AITA for refusing free dental work to my financially struggling family members?"
I'm an orthodontist, 35, married to a wonderful woman, 33. Her family's always been great, but I recently had to set a boundary. My brother-in-law asked me to do free orthodontic work for his kids. I told him I couldn't, that I don't do free treatments, even for family.
He got upset, saying I'm selfish and greedy because I'm successful. He made snide comments about doctors making a lot of money. When he said "What's a few thousand dollars to you?" I told him my bank account isn't a piggy bank for family members.
I explained it's about principle - fairness and consistency in my practice. Waiving fees for family would mess that up. It wouldn't be fair to my other patients who pay full price. To be honest, my brother-in-law's family is struggling financially, and it's hard to see them dealing with that. But I still can't justify giving them free treatment.
My wife agrees with me, but she's really torn up about the whole thing. She's sad that her brother's being so critical and that it's causing tension between us. It's taking a toll on her, and that bothers me more than his entitlement.
I'm frustrated he's dragging her into this. To make things worse, even my in-laws are chiming in. My mother-in-law and father-in-law keep telling me I'm being unfair and that family should come first. They say I should "help out" since we're financially stable. But I don't think that's reasonable.
To clarify, I'd help with discounts or payment plans, but free treatment? No.
For the record, no free treatments - not even for my own family. AITA?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
tosser9212 wrote:
Discounts and payment plans? You're doing what most dentists I've known do for family - they still have to pay the hygienists and assistants and front office staff, as well as for materials...free service means none of that is covered. Just no.
NTA.
OP responded:
Yeah. Free service would mean I would be the one covering all the costs. Nothing is free; someone has to pay.
content-plenty-268 wrote:
NTA. Your BIL is the one creating the problem for your wife — not you. Her parents chiming in demonstrates why your BIL is so entitled. It’s just beyond the pale that your in-laws feel they can make demands on your work and insult you for having clear boundaries. It’s really your wife’s job to put her family in their place. Your offer of helping with financing is a sound one.
OP responded:
She has tried. And she completely understands and supports my decision. It’s just that it’s very irritating to me cause they keep bothering her about this particular topic. At this point, she’s even stopped picking up their calls.
kingalthor wrote:
NTA.
"Free" would be charging them your costs, not no charges at all.
You still have overhead, materials, staff etc. Not to mention your own time/opportunity cost.
I'd be really careful about helping with discounts and especially payment plans. They seem to think you can take the loss, and will likely not pay.
OP responded:
I know. But they’ve been bothering my wife and I assumed discounts and payment plans would be a middle ground, but these people want everything free.
tdluxon wrote:
NTA. I used to deal with this when I still had my private law practice and it never ends up well. First, once you do it for one person, then all of a sudden everyone is expecting it and next thing you know you are getting pressured to work for free for everyone.
Second, in my experience, the friend/family clients that I agreed to help for free (or very little) end up being more of a hassle than your clients that are paying full price...they call and complain more (since they don't get billed). If anything doesn't go exactly like they want it to all of a sudden you become the bad guy and they're blaming you, no appreciation, nothing but hassles.
Also, you have overhead...rent, insurance, supplies, etc. that you have to cover, so you're not just working for free, you're effectively losing money. They will whine and complain but stick to your g-ns.
OP responded:
You raise some good points. I do know few colleagues who refuse to treat family and friends for the exact reasons you mentioned.
tre_chic00 wrote:
This is somewhat interesting to me because my mom worked at an orthadontic practice for many years that offered free treatment for employees and their children. I assume this extended to their actual family members as well.
I live in a capital city in the Midwest and this seems to be quite typical, and the other offices in town often extend discounts to each other in a similar way (ie my parents did not have to pay anything over what insurance paid when my wisdom teeth were removed at the oral surgeons).
Are you close with your nieces and nephews? I can't imagine not doing something for mine that I have the capability to do that would change their life in such a way, regardless if I thought my sibling or in laws were being entitled.
I wonder what the culture is like in your area and if you are outside of that? You say you don't offer free treatments and I wonder if that is standard practice? NTA for family I guess (you have the right to run your business and spend your money as you wish), but you might be for your employees lol.