Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
'AITA for refusing to gift my daughter a motorcycle from an estate I inherited?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to gift my daughter a motorcycle from an estate I inherited?' UPDATED

ADVERTISING

"AITA for refusing to gift my daughter a motorcycle from an estate I inherited?"

I was appointed the personal representative of my friend/ex-spouse’s estate, which includes a motorcycle. My 32-year-old daughter believes I should give it to her. I have two main reasons for hesitating. First, anything I sell from the estate must go toward settling debts and financing the remodeling of the property, which she is fully aware of.

Second, she has a history of financial irresponsibility that I choose not to support. She hasn’t adjusted her lifestyle despite past financial struggles and frequently points out that I "have money" because I travel internationally.

For context, I am a retired, single 54-year-old woman. In the past, I made her an authorized user on my credit card to help her build credit, with strict instructions to use it only for emergencies and to be fully responsible for any charges.

However, she once asked to charge a specific amount but exceeded it by $700. She made a few small payments, and I ended up covering the rest—so when she charged $2,500 in July 2023, I insisted she repay it in full. She has only paid off about 50%, and for several months, she didn’t make payments, citing financial difficulties.

Her car was repossessed in August 2024, but she currently uses her partner’s vehicle to get around. Before that, she relied on LA’s transit system. She recently told me she doesn’t want her live-in partner to work, which I found frustrating—especially since she still owes me money. In my opinion, if you’re struggling financially, both partners should be working. But ultimately, that’s their choice.

I told her that owing me money while simultaneously choosing to be in a one-income household felt like a slap in the face. Now, she wants me to gift her a motorcycle, even though I need to sell estate assets to settle debts. To top it off, she says she has surveyed her friends, and they all agree that I’m being mean, unfair, and uncaring. Would I be TA for refusing?

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Update: Thank you for your comments and insight. I got it INTA, but it’s past time for me to set strict boundaries.

BTW he isn’t her dad and they had no relationship. She is no longer a user on any of my credit cards.

The comments quickly came rushing in.

SavingsRhubarb8746 wrote:

NTA. You, as executor, are obliged to pay your late friend's debts out of the estate, and you cannot morally (and maybe legally, but I am not a lawyer) take a valuable item from the estate that is needed to settle debts and just give it away!

Surely you are not taking her polling of her friends as a serious argument in her favour? Moreover, she still owes you money. Why would you favour giving her (instead of those with a legal claim on the estate) something valuable while she has unpaid debts?

You can tell her as well that whether you have money or not is irrelevant - your money is not hers; she has no claim on it, and if you want you can go on lavish trips with it, and write a will leaving anything left over to the local cat shelter, or anywhere else you please. If an inheritance exists before the owner dies, her inheritance from you has already been paid to her in the form of gifts, bail-outs and unpaid loans.

OP responded:

100% agree but she doesn't get it.

seeemilyplay123 wrote:

I hope you’ve removed her from your credit card. NTA.

OP responded:

Yes, I have.

Practical-Bird633 wrote:

Info: you say ex spouse, was it your daughters dad?

Either way NTA and I wouldn’t leave it to her based on her irresponsible history. But also this person didn’t leave it to her (and did leave it to you) and I’m assuming there is a good reason why.

OP responded:

No it was not her father and someone I dated and married after she went to college.

Utelawyer wrote:

Why does your main post imply the estate hasn't been settled yet and there are debts to pay, if you've already been awarded the motorcycle?

OP responded:

The estate has already been settled, and all debts were paid before I was awarded everything. The motorcycle was part of that final distribution. There are no outstanding claims or obligations—I completed the necessary steps to close the estate properly.

StrangeronReddit wrote:

NTA. She already owes you money, why on earth would you freely give her a motorcycle? She needs to learn some financial responsibility. As for her friends, of course they are siding with her, they have only heard her version of things. In any case, their opinions don't matter.

Expensive_Plant_9530 wrote:

It sounds like you are what we would call the Executor of the estate where I live. Your job is in essence to execute the intentions of the deceased as per what is written in the will. What does the will say about the motorcycle?

You really shouldn’t be making any decisions like who gets what.

You need to follow the legalities of being an executor above all other concerns. You need to settle the debt before any of the will is dispersed to the recipients.

Once that is done, the rest can be paid out or split as per the will. There may be room in the will for allowing people to get specific things, as long as the value is still proportionally correct for the will. And whether you think one of those recipients is financially irresponsible is literally none of your business.

OP responded:

The estate has been settled and her concern is what has been awarded to me.

squirrelsareevil2479 wrote:

YWBTA if you give in to her. She has demonstrated that she is financially irresponsible, makes poor decisions regarding employment and is willing to whine to her friends to try to emotionally manipulate you.

Never give or lend her money again until you are satisfied that she has paid you what she already owes you and has matured enough to appreciate the help you've given her. Tell daughter that she can tell all her friends that you're the wicked witch of the west and she's still not getting the motorcycle.

timely_egg_6827 wrote:

NTA - you are an executor of a will with a duty to maximise the benefits of what was left for the recipients. Unless your daughter was named in the will, you can't give assets to her unless you or her return the value to the estate.

If she was named, then the value of the bike is removed from what she is eligible for when estate settled. The fact your daughter's friends all think you are mean, unfair and uncaring just means she needs a bunch of more sensible friends. Birds of a feather and all that.

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2025 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content