'AITA for refusing to give my brother the house our grandparents left me? He should have visited them.'
"AITA for refusing to give my brother the house our grandparents left to me and telling him maybe he should have visited them once in a while?"
My grandparents passed away a few years ago and left their house to me. It was not some random decision. I was basically their third child. I lived with them during college, helped them with everything in their later years, and we were incredibly close. My brother, on the other hand, barely visited. I think he saw them twice in the last five years of their lives.
They noticed and they were not happy about it.
Now my brother and his wife are struggling financially. They have two kids, rent a tiny apartment, and suddenly he is very interested in our grandparents’ house.
He sat me down and said that since I do not really need the house, I should give it to him so his family can have a home. I told him no. He got mad and said I was being selfish because I do not have kids and I would not understand. Then he got our mom involved. She called me and gave me the whole "family comes first" speech and said I should at least sell it to him for a family discount.
I told them both no. If I ever sell, it will be for market price. My brother lost it and said our grandparents would have wanted the house to go to the person who needs it most. That is when I snapped and told him maybe they would have left him something if he had bothered to visit them once in a while.
Now he is furious, my mom is saying I was cruel, and the rest of the family is split. Half think I am right and the other half think I should suck it up and help my brother. I feel like he is the one prioritizing his problems over my boundaries, but now everyone is making me second-guess myself. AITA?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Inner-Confidence99 wrote:
Have locks changed immediately to grandparents house. Put up security cameras all over inside and out. This way if they try any you have proof of what they did.
OP responded:
Already in the works. Locks are getting changed ASAP, security cameras are going up inside and out. Not taking any chances. If they try anything, I’ll have all the proof I need.
Ok_Play2364 wrote:
"Struggling financially"? How does he plan on paying property taxes, home owner insurance and utilities for an entire house? The city would end up seizing it for nonpayment of taxes and then he's back where he is now AND you basically have nothing. Tell mom to give him HER house.
OP responded:
That’s exactly what I was thinking! If he can’t afford his apartment, how is he going to handle property taxes, insurance, and maintenance on a whole house? He just wants a free handout with zero plan. If anyone’s so concerned, they can hand over their own house. Funny how my mom isn’t offering hers.
slyest_foxes wrote:
NTA. They wouldn’t have wanted it to go to the person that needs it most because that’s not who they left it to. They left it to you intentionally. Actions have consequences.
OP responded:
Exactly. If they wanted him to have it, they would have left it to him. They didn’t. End of story. He made his choices, and now he has to live with them. Not my job to fix his situation.
Federal-Wolverine-52 wrote:
NTA. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Your grandparents left the house to you, period. Tell anyone who says "family comes first" that they are so generous to contribute to his finances to make his living situation more to their liking.
And again, WHO CARES WHAT ANYONE BESIDES YOUR GRANDPARENTS THINKS. They made their wishes perfectly clear. You would be an asshole to disregard their final wishes.
plantprinses wrote:
Don't let them make you second-guess yourself. The house was left to you and you only. It's yours to do with whatever you want. Your grandparents had the measure of your brother: that is why they left him nothing.
How does your brother know what your grandparents would have wanted if he rarely visited them? Is he a psychic? You are not responsible for solving your brother's financial struggles. As for your mother, if 'family is family', how come your brother never visited his grandparents?
Apparently 'family is family' only applies to you and not to him: it's an argument they trot out because they want to force you into doing something you shouldn't do. Respect the last will and testament of you grandparents. If anyone is ever deserving of an inheritance, it's you. The rest are mere vultures preying on your deceased grandparents.
ItsAllGoneCrayCray wrote:
Nope. We had the same situation and I ended up woth the house because I was always the one up there helping him with everything he did. None of my cousins took the time to unless they needed money. So the house was given to me, that was contested, but the evidence and testimony my grandpa left behind was enough for the house to be awarded to me after all.
BlackIrishGirl77 wrote:
NTA do not let him manipulate you into anything. Your grandparents gave it to you for a reason. He is the one who is selfish. He should have thought about the house before they died and put time into the relationship with them. They gave it to you for helping them out.
FutureDirections5174 wrote:
NTA. My MIL is “difficult” there is no other word for it. Neither of her sons “like” her, I don’t either I admit but I will be friendly. The only one of her 4 grand-children who puts in a real effort is our daughter (our son avoids interacting with her as much as he can).
My husband puts in more effort (we have her round every Sunday for a family meal, our son eats with us but that is it) than his brother who only visits her 3-4 times a year.
We live close by and so we will take her to appointments, do some shopping, when our daughter is working elsewhere, whereas our daughter does a LOT for her. Honestly (if) when MIL dies, we discover she left everything to our daughter well OUR DAUGHTER DESERVES IT.
If her uncle, my BIL, his children, OR OUR SON decided to fight it we would back up our daughter 100%. She does a damn sight more for my MIL than any one else. I know she drives our daughter mad because she is so “deserving” (demanding?) but that is “how she is." YOU put in the effort. YOU were left the house in recognition of the care you gave them. NTA.