'AITA for refusing to give my niece what she wants for her birthday?'
"AITA for refusing to give my niece what she wants for her birthday?"
Yesterday, we had a big family gathering, which meant my older sister (29) and her daughter (6) came over. For half of the day, everything was well and good. After lunch, my sister got tired, so I (27F) volunteered to look after my niece when my sister took a nap. Now, I have a collection of stuff animals and 20cm (7.8 inches for those in America) dolls, which I let my niece played with when her mother napped.
Then my sister woke up, joined us, and we spent some more time together before she announced it was time for them to leave. This was when my niece pointed at the doll I was holding and said she liked him, and that she wanted me to give him to her. I told her that she could get any other doll and/or stuff animals that she wanted from my collection, just not this one.
My niece got really upset and started crying, saying that her birthday was coming (it's next week), and she wanted that doll as her birthday present. Again, I told her I couldn't give him to her, explaining to her he was very important to me. I didn't tell my niece in detail about why he is important to me, because she's still too young to understand, but I will explain it here to give a clearer picture.
I've had this doll for a long while now, back in the darkest time of my life, when nothing seemed to go right for me. I was advised to find an outlet, letting out my thoughts either in the form of writing or drawing. One of my drawings was the design for the doll in this post. I spent a lot of time with it, shading it, coloring it and all that. Then I got the idea of turning the drawing into something physical.
I searched and searched, and eventually found someone I trusted that could help me with this. For months, we worked together, choosing the materials, fabrics and threads to make my doll's body, hair and eyes. A lot of money was spent. But the process helped my mind be in a better place, and the result was so worth it.
I was so happy the day I had him in my hands, and since then, he has been my emotional support doll. I don't know if it's strange, but whenever I look at him, I just feel like I can overcome everything. So yes, he's very important to me. My sister told me maybe it was time for me to let go of him.
Again, I told them I could give my niece any other dolls and stuff animals she wanted, just not this one. My niece cried harder, and started screaming. My sister told me I was being an overgrown child, that I needed to act my age and stop clinging to a toy. It ended with her leaving with my still crying niece, telling me that I needed to prioritize my family over a doll. AITA?
Commenters had lots to say about the dynamic.
Creative-Passenger87 wrote:
You might consider a sale place to hide him when they are visiting. Does your sister have a key to your house?
OP responded:
I'm living with our parents, because it's closer to my office (and it makes it easier for me to take care of them). So my sister does have the key to the house...
Peony-Pony wrote:
NTA. "My sister told me maybe it was time for me to let go of him. Again, I told them I could give my niece any other dolls and stuff animals she wanted, just not this one. My niece cried harder, and started screaming. My sister told me I was being an overgrown child, that I needed to act my age and stop clinging to a toy."
"It ended with her leaving with my still crying niece, telling me that I needed to prioritize my family over a doll." Maybe your sister needs to teach her child she can't have everything she wants when it belongs to someone else. It's called correcting your child. It's basic parenting.
Dry_Mushroom7606 wrote:
HIDE YOUR DOLL. Do NOT leave it unprotected in your house, or there's a good chance it will disappear for good. In fact, since you're staying with your parents, I would just put a lock on your door, and don't give anyone a key!
OP responded;
Thank you. I think I'll do this.
KalitheBlaze wrote:
NTA. Your niece needs to be taught that she can’t have everything she wants, or she’s going to grow into an absolute monster. Sounds like your sister already has her on that path.
She needs to be taught that other people’s needs and wants have to be considered, too. She wants the doll because she likes it, but she doesn’t have any kind of deep connection to the doll. You need it because it is a comfort item you rely on. Needs trump wants.
GrymDraig wrote:
NTA. You're under no obligation to give up anything to your niece, much less something that has so much meaning for you. It honestly sounds like she's spoiled, and your sister doesn't know how to tell her child no.
Your sister is 100% an AH for telling you to act your age and stop clinging to a toy. Not only are her statements nonsense, but she's trying to shame you and emotionally manipulate you.
The statement about you needing to prioritize family over a doll is also extremely hypocritical of her, as she's clearly not prioritizing your feelings. I sincerely hope you don't give in and that you take precautions such that your sister and her daughter don't get access to the toy when you're not present.