'AITA for refusing to give up my vacation days so my coworker can go on her honeymoon?'
"AITAH for refusing to give up my vacation days so my coworker can go on her honeymoon?"
I work at a small company where vacation time is pretty limited, and we have to request it months in advance. I put in my request almost a year ago to take a two-week vacation during the holidays. My plan was to visit family, who live out of the country, something I only get to do once every few years.
Recently, a coworker of mine, who’s getting married, came up to me and asked if I’d be willing to give up my vacation days so she could go on her honeymoon. She apparently didn’t realize how quickly the days would fill up and waited too long to request her time off. Now, the only way she can go is if someone cancels, and since I have one of the longest vacation blocks, she came to me first.
I told her I was really sorry, but I can’t give up my time. This trip means a lot to me, and it’s the only time I can see my family this year. She wasn’t happy and told me I was being selfish for not accommodating her "once-in-a-lifetime" event.
Now, a few other coworkers are chiming in, suggesting I could be more flexible since I don’t have "special circumstances" like a wedding. I feel bad, but I also planned this trip far in advance, and it’s important to me. AITA for not giving up my vacation so she can go on her honeymoon?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Spoopyowo wrote:
NTA, I am assuming she planned her wedding for a while, it's not your problem that she didn't think ahead. Enjoy your vacation!!
Amazing_Reality2980 wrote:
NTA. You are not being selfish. Her poor planning does not constitute an emergency for you. She should have planned better and put in for the time off as soon as she could. Now she's got to deal with the consequences of her procrastination.
If she or your other coworkers keep giving you a bad time about this, take it to HR or your boss. It's not ok for them to be pressuring you and guilt tripping you about this. They're bullying you and creating a hostile work environment.
clearheaded01 wrote:
NTA.
Apparently her own honeymoon was not important enough to secure time off for it.
"Now, a few other coworkers are chiming in, suggesting I could be more flexible since I don’t have "special circumstances" like a wedding."
Let them.give up.on their vacation, then...
peakpenguins wrote:
NTA, it's not your fault she waited so long to request the time off, and seeing your family is not less important than her honeymoon.
If people don't back off I wouldn't be afraid to pull some BS like "I have to go, my grandma is dying!" and watch them all feel real awkward.
Own_Whereas_7420 wrote:
Absolutely NOT. NTA, I repeat, NTA!! And the peanut gallery coworkers you have need to hush. You aren’t selfish for taking the time that you put in well in advance. People make me sick 🙄 She can reschedule their honeymoon trip, it doesn’t HAVE to be right after the wedding.
srkaficionada65 wrote:
You’re NTA but my petty behind would totally cancel my vacation IF and WHEN she pays me the equivalent of the greater of the PTO hours OR the cost of my travel and she’d have to pay it upfront. If she has money to plan a wedding and go on a honeymoon, she can pay me for inconveniencing me. I bet if you proposed something similar, she’d freaking back off. 😒
PenelopeShoots wrote:
I took my honeymoon six months after the wedding. There is no rule that is HAS to happen after the wedding. SHE'S being selfish. How do they know you aren't visiting sick family? Just tell her it's an important trip, you can't change it, and don't give details.
If she asks for details, say you don't feel comfortable sharing private information with a stranger. (you work together, but she treats you poorly, so really, she's a stranger, no matter how friendly you thought things were).
To be honest, "didn't realize how quickly the days would fill up" sounds like they didn't plan the wedding much in advance (it haven't been planning it for years, maybe a short while) and figured people would bend to them. They can reschedule if they only started planning recently and pick dates that line up for both the wedding and honeymoon.
stargazerr779 wrote:
NTA. You planned your vacation well in advance, and it’s a rare opportunity for you to see your family, especially if they live out of the country. Your coworker’s failure to plan ahead doesn’t obligate you to sacrifice your own plans, no matter how "special" her circumstances may seem to others.
A wedding and honeymoon are important, but so is your time with family. You’re not being selfish for sticking to your plans—if anything, it sounds like your coworker should’ve been more proactive about securing her time off. It's not your responsibility to fix that.
Significant_Planter wrote:
So let me get this right, she's asking people to give up their vacation days and came to you first and now you're wondering why everybody else is pressuring you to give it up? Obviously because if you don't she's going to ask them next LOL. Talk to HR. This is not okay behavior!
She's creating a hostile work environment by acting like her wedding is more important than your family vacation. And the next time somebody says that you should give up your day just look at them and slow blink and then say "this is SUCH good news I will tell bridezilla that you're going to give her your time since you think vacation should be given up for her."
LoverofStripes87 wrote:
Oh heck no, NTA. "Special Circumstances" and "Once in a Lifetime" events that warrant giving up/donating leave to someone else are personal/family medical emergencies (hopefully your company covers some of this with other leave) or very odd situations.
Weddings are both elective and are planned events. She was involved in planning her own wedding and she works there. She would know the schedule and the leave situation. She is fine to ask but she should accept the "no" and honestly keep her mouth shut about who she asked and what they said.
The gossipping and the reactions from the peanut gallery are what make a toxic work environment. This exact BS is why I quit my second job with no backup. Ignore it the best you can and enjoy your vacation OP. Coworker can enjoy her honeymoon after waiting like you did.