'AITA for refusing to hand over my grandma's jewelry to my cousin who was promised it first?'
"AITAH for refusing to hand over my grandmother's jewelry to my cousin who was promised it first?"
My grandmother passed away last year, and she left me (24F) a beautiful jewelry collection in her will. Growing up, I was very close to her, and we spent countless weekends together where she would let me try on her pieces. It always felt like our little thing, so when she left them to me, I was deeply touched.
Here’s where it gets complicated.
My cousin (28F), let’s call her Emma, insists that my grandmother “verbally” promised her the collection years ago, even though there’s no mention of her in the will.
Emma claims that the jewelry is hers by right because she was the oldest grandchild and used to model the pieces during family events when she was younger. She’s even told everyone that my grandmother’s decision must have been a mistake or made under pressure.
Emma called me last week, demanding I hand the jewelry over to “honor” what she says was my grandmother’s real wish. When I said no, she called me selfish and accused me of stealing what was meant for her. The family is now divided, with some saying I should just give Emma a few pieces to keep the peace, and others telling me to hold my ground because the will was clear.
Emma is now posting passive-aggressive messages on social media, making me out to be the villain. I feel terrible because I don’t want to cause family drama, but I also believe my grandmother knew exactly what she was doing when she left the collection to me. AITAH?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
A-_-A wrote:
NTA. It sounds like your cousin is trying to scam you out of it since her only excuse is that she verbally promised it to her, your grandmother left it to you in her will, which would have taken at least a little bit of consideration, so even if she DID promise it to.her years prior, she still ultimately decided to give it to YOU.
OP responded:
That’s how I see it too. My grandmother had plenty of time to think about her decision, and she clearly chose to leave it to me in writing. It feels unfair that my cousin is trying to rewrite history now.
Dittoheadforever wrote:
You're NTA.
"she left me (24F) a beautiful jewelry collection in her will."
"Emma, insists that my grandmother 'verbally' promised her the collection years ago,"
Written will trumps verbal promises made without witnesses.
"I feel terrible because I don’t want to cause family drama."
You're not causing the drama, Emma is doing that.
OP responded:
Thank you for saying that. I keep reminding myself that the drama isn’t my fault—it’s Emma stirring things up because she didn’t get what she wanted. I just want to honor my grandmother’s written wishes.
CandylandCanada wrote:
Grab a bag of quarters.
Search this sub for the word "selfish."
Everytime that you read a post where the demanding party called OP selfish because OP wouldn't do something, put a quarter in a jar.
Warning: Do NOT play this as a drinking game.
The will is dispositive. Ignore everyone's opinion; they weren't left the jewellery in the will, so they have no stake in this. Ignore Emma, and her sour grapes posts. Learn while you are young that not every outburst warrants a reaction or response from you. The only one kicking up a familial fuss is Emma. Don't dishonour your grandmother by going against her express, written wishes. NTA.
OP responded:
This is spot on advice. It’s true that people throw around “selfish” to guilt others into doing what they want. I need to remember that the will reflects my grandmother’s clear intentions, and giving in would disrespect that. Thank you for putting it so clearly!
LunaVelvett wrote:
NTA. Verbal agreements about inheritance, especially when contested, tend to lack the weight of a documented and witnessed will. Not only have you adhered to the legal and probable emotional wishes of your grandmother by respecting her will, but you've also prevented any ambiguity that your cousin's claims might introduce to the situation.
Moreover, your grandmother's decision to put this in writing, rather than just a verbal promise, speaks volumes about her intentions.
Fireflyleaves wrote:
NTA. There is no contest. Her will has proclaimed you as the owner. She is lying, as you probably already know. If I were you, I would play in the mud with her. Show your family the proof of will, and accuse her - rightfully so - of defrauding grandma of Jewellry for money's sake.
Don't let her slander you without repercussion, and do not let her guilt-trip or shame you into any sort of "compensation" for that which she is not entitled to as per the will.
K23_K23 wrote:
NTA.
Just ignore her.
OP responded:
I’m trying my best to ignore her, but it’s hard with all the passive-aggressive posts and family pressure. I’ll keep holding my ground, though!
Lumpy_Jellyfish_275 wrote:
NTA. A verbal agreement is only as good as the paper its written on. Im sure you didn't coarse your grandmother into changing her will. Its your grandmothers wishes obliviously cause thats how it was in the will.. Also take screenshots of the "passive aggressive" posts cause if it goes to court she may delete them.
OP responded:
You’re right, a verbal agreement holds no weight compared to a written will. And no, I didn’t coerce her, this was entirely my grandmother’s decision. That’s a great point about the screenshots; I’ll definitely start saving them just in case this escalates. Thank you!
Sassypants2306 wrote:
NTA. Her will, her choice. Cousin can kick rocks.
Lock the jewellery up.
Make sure you wear a piece to fame events for s--ts and giggles.
OP responded:
Absolutely, her will made it clear, and there’s nothing to argue about. I’ll definitely keep the jewelry locked up, and wearing a piece to family events might just be the perfect subtle reminder!