'AITA for refusing to help my friend pay rent after she spent her money on concert tickets?'
"AITA for refusing to help my friend pay rent after she spent her money on concert tickets?"
Currently I live in an apartment with my friend and we split everything 50/50 — rent, utilities etc...it's not a fancy apartment, but we make it work. I am a student with part-time job and my friend works full-time. Last week, rent was due.
The day before, she told me she couldn’t cover her half because her paycheck was short and asked if I could spot her until the next one. I was kinda stressed but agreed to help her since it's a one time thing. However, the next day I saw her instagram story. She was at a huge concert for one of her favorite artists.
I asked her about it, and she admitted she bought the tickets a month ago, and said she couldn’t pass up the chance and didn’t think her finances would be this tight by now. I was furious and told her it wasn’t fair to make me cover rent while she’s out spending on luxuries.
She told me I was being harsh and that her experiences matter too, and I would’ve done the same. I told her I wouldn’t because I actually budget for my responsibilities. and I don't over spend.
Now we haven't talk in few days because she thinks I’m being selfish and cold. Some my friends say "you should be more understanding" because mental health matters and music is her escape. I don’t want to be heartless, but I also don’t want to be someone’s safety net when they make poor choices. AITA for refusing to cover her rent?
The internet did not hold back.
LoveBeach8 wrote:
NTA. She's defensive because she got caught! She's mad at you because you called her out for spending money she didn't have. She needs to learn the old rule: keep half of your rent/mortgage payment amount from your 1st paycheck and put it aside.
Then, when you get paid again, add that half to half of your current paycheck and there you go: there's your rent money. Everything left over is for utilities, food, car insurance, gas, and whatever other bills you have.
If there's anything left over after paying everything, THAT'S your spending money. She should never spend money for entertainment or extras until her obligations have been met. Even then, she should put a few dollars away in case of emergencies.
ETA: I hope she pays you back plus a little extra for interest. Have her sign a little note in case you have to take her to a small claims court or something. Write down something like this: "I, so-and-so promise to repay (your name) the amount of _____ ." Then sign it first then have her sign it. Put the date on it, too.
OP responded:
Thank you. Honestly this really helped put it in perspective. I hadnt through about it in term of long term habits. But you're right. I'm definitely going to protect myself more going forward.
haleorshine wrote:
"She's defensive because she got caught! "
Yep, she made a dick move, and is being defensive, because that's easier than admitting she's a dick and the bad guy.
OP, you have to push back on the selfish and cold comments from her and your friends talking about how mental health matters. Tell them if your housemate's mental health is so important to them, they can pay for her ticket to this concert instead of you being the one to pay for it.
OP responded:
Yes my mental health matters too but it shouldnt come at someone else's expense.
Odd_Task8211 wrote:
NTA. Her escapes don’t have to cost the rent money. She is irresponsible and wants you to bail her out.
OP responded:
Yes, I think I'm being used to buy what she wants.
Sea_no_evil wrote:
Answering your question in the last line: no, absolutely 100% not. What actually happened here is that she manipulated you into giving her a loan by lying -- basically, if you do this to a person in the lending business, this is a fraud, clear and simple. If all of this interaction was properly documented, in a lawsuit you roomie/friend would be toast in a second.
IOW, what she did was wrong, so wrong that we actually created laws around this kind of thing. NTA. Stand your ground here, if you capitulate to her manipulation you will just be setting yourself up for more abuse in the future. Don't f*ck around with your finances, that sh*t can stay with you for a long long time.
OP responded:
Yes. If I knew she spent the money on the concert, I was definitely not gonna cover her since its not necessary.
exorcius wrote:
NTA. It’s not the messing up for me, it’s the lying. She could have confessed that she was stupid with her money and she needs help and will pay you back, and you could’ve made your choice from there. Instead she lied about the reason, and when confronted won’t even admit to making a mistake.
Sugarmama_76 wrote:
NTA. Soooo…..you know any friends with a designer handbag or shoes? Something that’s valued at about half the rent and friend would let you borrow for a day? Cause Petty Me says to show up with it the day before rent is due and tell roommate she was right. Luxuries do matter! Shopping is your mental health escape, so you bought this amazing bag! Oh, and she doesn’t mind covering rent, right?
Cause she of all people understands how important making yourself happy is.
Oh, and tell the “friends” that when they pay your rent, they can decide if you’re being harsh. But since you’re the one risking eviction and being homeless because of someone else’s bad decisions, kindly piss off.
Gigglemage wrote:
NTA - You save money for luxuries; you don't go into debt for them. Yes, mental health matters and yours is more important to you than hers. Her dumping her debt onto you is certainly not good for YOUR mental health.