'AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after being stuck with it for the past five years?'
"AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after being stuck with it for the past five years?"
I (38M) have been hosting Thanksgiving for my family every year since I bought my house five years ago. This includes my parents, siblings, their spouses, kids, and occasionally extended family. In total, it’s about 20 people. I don’t mind cooking, but the problem is no one ever helps. I do all the grocery shopping, meal prep, cooking, and the massive cleanup afterward.
Last year, I asked for help, but everyone either ignored me or gave some lame excuse like, "I’m not good in the kitchen" or "I don’t know how to cook." Meanwhile, they’re sitting around while I’m running around the kitchen all day. After the meal? Same thing. They sit around chatting and drinking while I’m the only one cleaning up.
So this year, I said enough is enough. I told them I’m not hosting Thanksgiving. I suggested someone else step up, or we could split the cost of catering. Cue the drama. My siblings flipped out, complaining about how it’s "tradition" for me to host. My mom called me selfish, and my aunt said I was ruining Thanksgiving for the kids because they “love coming to my house.”
Now, they’re all upset with me, calling me lazy and saying I’m ruining the holiday. Honestly, I’m tired of being treated like their personal chef and cleanup crew every year, but now I feel guilty for putting my foot down. So, AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving this year?
Not long after posting, OP shared an update.
Edit: Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and opinions! I didn’t expect so many responses, and I really appreciate the support and perspectives shared. It’s been reassuring to know I wasn’t being unreasonable in this situation. Thanks again!
The internet had a lot to say in response.
corgihuntress wrote:
Hold your ground. These people are mean, entitled, and lazy. I wouldn't take their calls, read their emails or texts, or otherwise engage with them.
Either that, or if you do answer, just say I agree. I'm too lazy to clean, shop, cook, set the table, wash all the dishes, and clean up all the mess again after five years in a row of doing everything by myself while the rest of you leaches sit on your a--es and don't do a damned thing.
And now you have the gall to suggest that I'm required to serve you. Why don't you look in the mirror and see who's actually lazy and selfish, not to mention entitled, whiney, ungrateful. NTA.
Whereweretheadults wrote:
NTA. Their 'tradition' is being catered to by you. They are fighting to keep that alive because all they have to do is show up, be fed, enjoy themselves and go home. You get the cost, cooking, and cleanup. I would start a new tradition, a nice vacation for you over Thanksgiving.
thegloracle wrote:
NTA. You can do an immediate-family only dinner and let the rest of the choosy beggars fend for themselves. Or - get everyone to chip in $10/person and order take-out or catering. Everything gets eaten on paper plates and with plastic utensils then into a giant trash bag at the end of the night. Boom! Done. Or - someone else can step up.
Or - they can buy entry in with a dish. An actual dish for 20 people, not just buns or some stupid s--t. Assign everyone a dish and let them know they'll need to bring it to come in the door. Not even joking. If they want their plate/bowl back, they'll need to wash it or it becomes yours forever.
OK-Emergency3607 wrote:
NTA. I’d agree by saying “I’ll have everyone over to my house.” Then, when they arrive, and there are no pies baked, no food cooking, no groceries in the kitchen and I didn’t spend days cleaning, I’d say “New Tradition” and everyone can order pizza. And they can suck it.
Your family kinda blows. You’re cordially invited to my family’s Thanksgiving. We trip over each other to help, then eat, clean up and play games and watch football and yell at the TV. Not exciting, but it’s about family and we genuinely like being around each other.
leswill315 wrote:
Time for a new tradition. I worked with a woman who said her family's tradition (her, her husband and one son) was to prepare a turkey dinner, close the curtains, lock the doors, have their meal and then retire to watch all the football they wanted to.
She was a teacher's aid at an elementary school and her husband was the chief of police at the local University. They'd had enough of extended family and wanted to just enjoy the time with the three of them. Sounds like heaven to me.
Far-Belt9950 wrote:
NTA, and they know it as well as the rest of the internet does. They're just perfectly comfortable being AHs to you. You offered reasonable compromises, and not a single person in your family has offered to help. It's amazing you turned out to be a caring person, given who you're surrounded by.
animaniactoo wrote:
NTA. It's tradition for you to host - for 5 years now. And if they want to continue to enjoy your hosting, they need to actually pitch in and work on the cleanup before relaxing since they are not willing to do that, they can figure out something else this year and you can revisit having you host next year.
You are not selfish. They are selfish for wanting to be catered to at your expense even when you are telling them that it is too much work for you. If you are ruining that - GOOD FOR YOU.