'AITA for refusing to label my wedding cake as vegan because a guest felt 'tricked?'
"AITA for refusing to label my wedding cake as vegan because a guest felt 'tricked?'"
My husband (32M) and I (30F) had a vegan wedding because we’re both vegan. We made it clear in advance that the food and cake would be plant-based, and no one complained—until the reception.
The cake was gorgeous: three-tiers decorated with edible flowers. Toward the end of the night, one of my husband’s aunts, Linda, came up to me looking visibly upset. She said it was “disrespectful” to have a vegan cake on display because it felt like I was “pushing my lifestyle” on everyone.
I told her the cake wasn’t meant to make a statement, it was just the dessert we chose for our wedding. She insisted I either move the cake off the main table or add a sign saying it was vegan so people weren’t “tricked” into eating it.
I refused because: 1) It was my wedding, 2) It’s a cake, not propaganda, and 3) No one else seemed to care. Linda ended up storming out, and now my in-laws are saying I should’ve compromised to avoid drama. I think Linda’s reaction was ridiculous, but my husband thinks I could’ve just put up a sign to keep the peace. AITA?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
blueeyedwolff wrote:
NTA. The whole thing was vegan. It was your wedding, your choice. I wouldn't feel tricked by eating a vegan cake at all. She has some issues. Let her seethe and be upset. You don't owe her anything. Putting up a sign would have rewarded her bad, entitled behavior. You had no reason to do it.
AnonAnonTheAnony wrote:
NTA - The only things you are obligated to include are allergens, dietary and religeous food exemptions. Being Vegan, unless they are allergic to something like soy, is not something you HAVE to put.
In fact, it's actually more time consuming to label something Vegan, because every ingredient has to be outright vetted to be not animal based to be legally labeled as vegan in the first place, like Kosher or Halal, there are rules and guidelines you have to follow.
Linda is being incredibly ridiculous, and no, a sign to appease people being dumb is not the answer. This is the kind of person that would have complained, sign or no by the sounds of it.
Bootastical wrote:
NTA. Should you also put a sign up if you serve broccoli? You're not tricking anyone into eating something they're allergic to, or tricking vegans into eating a non-vegan cake. This is just absent of certain ingredients. The horror.
wilderneyes wrote:
What's even the difference between a vegan cake and non-vegan cake? Substitutions for eggs and dairy? It's not like you snuck Linda a grilled leaf patty dressed up as a sirloin steak or whatever she thinks vegan food is like, it's just a few changed ingredients. There's hardly even a difference! And either way you have the right to serve whatever you like at your own wedding.
It's a party celebrating you and your husband, hosted by you and your husband, and both of you are vegan. Ergo, the food served at the wedding is vegan, so that you (vegan) and your husband (also vegan) can eat it (because you both are vegan). Surely Linda had to know this fact about you both if she was relevant enough to be invited in the first place.
The ONLY way Linda's criticisms would hold any merit at all would be if she'd either had a genuine concern, expressed RESPECTFULLY, about some allergen commonly found in vegan food, OR if she had discovered that the wedding had only ever secretly been a villainous front to trap your hapless relatives, and indoctrinate the family into partaking in your Wicked Vegan Schemes™.
But simply existing and serving food catered to your own dietary preferences does not constitute tricking your guests. Linda is an entitled AH. You are NTA. I hope the cake was good and that you both enjoy your honeymoon!
Next-Dimension-9479 wrote:
NTA!!
I’m not vegan but I had plenty of vegan dishes. Some dishes just are vegan without even having thought about it. If the cake’s delicious, who really is going to care about the lack of animal-based ingredients?
Jazzlike_election787 wrote:
My oldest son is vegan and he brought a vegan birthday cake to share on his birthday and it was so delicious. We will eat whatever food he’s eating because it’s food come on people it’s food. He’s not forcing his views or whatever on us he’s sharing what he likes. Your aunt was totally out of line. Sounds like she’s kind of tripping over the edge there. Is she a flat earther too?
Aussie-Koala-2795 wrote:
NTA. My extended family has quite a few vegans in it. TBH I can't tell the difference taste-wise most of the time between a vegan cake and a non-vegan one. I only know it's vegan if I know who baked it.
Questionsign wrote:
Carnivores are legit some of the most obnoxious people about veganism. Obviously you're NTA but that's because it's you're f-king wedding and you paid for everything and it's your s--t. Why do y'all entertain these types of people? Tell them to go f-k themselves and keep it pushing.
Firm-Molasses-4913 wrote:
NTA Linda is an entitled idiot and apparently her family are used to tolerating her antics. Interesting that she came to you and not her nephew. Why don’t her family tell Linda to keep the peace and drop the drama? Oh, it’s because she’s an idiot and they don’t trust her to be sensible. Stop discussing it but keep an eye on your husband’s inclination to keep the peace.
Comfortable_Stop_717 wrote:
NTA. Vegan food isn't going to hurt anyone. If someone takes a bite out of it and don't like it, they don't have to finish it. If people have allergies they should always ask if food contains allergen and you should always answer honestly or say you don't know.
No sign was necessary. Nobody needs to worry about being "tricked" into eating vegan food. Everybody eats some vegan food. Unless you are the least healthy person on the planet.