'AITA for refusing to lend my BFF money after she started dating the guy I had a crush on?'
"AITA for refusing to lend my best friend money after she started dating the guy I had a crush on?"
I (24F) have been best friends with “Mia” (24F) for almost 10 years. Recently, I met a guy named Jake (26M) through a mutual friend, and I had a pretty big crush on him. I told Mia everything, from how we met to the fact that we’d been texting a lot. She always seemed supportive, telling me to go for it.
But about a week ago, I found out that Mia had started secretly dating Jake. When I asked her about it, she said she didn’t think it was a big deal because Jake and I were never “official.” That really hurt me, but I didn’t want to lose my best friend, so I tried to let it go.
Now, Mia has asked me to lend her $500 because she’s struggling financially. Normally, I’d help her out, but after what she did, I don’t feel comfortable giving her money. I told her I couldn’t do it, and she got really upset, saying I was being petty and letting my feelings about Jake get in the way of our friendship.
I’m now second-guessing myself because I’ve always been there for her, and she’s called me selfish for not helping when she needs it. AITA for refusing to lend her money after she started dating the guy I liked?
The internet had plenty of thoughts to share.
playstructure wrote:
NTA. You never have to lend money to anyone if you don't want to. If she really thought it wasn't a big deal that she is dating your crush, why didn't she tell you right from the start or better yet, talk to you first and ask if you would be okay with her dating him. She's trying to guilt you into lending her the money. I wouldn't.
Busy_Influencer_532 wrote:
NTA. It's totally okay to set boundaries, especially when someone has hurt you. Mia crossed a line by dating the guy she knew you had feelings for, and it's understandable that you wouldn't feel comfortable helping her out financially right now. Friendship goes both ways, respect and trust matter too, not just money.
TemptingPenguin369 wrote:
INFO: Have you told her to borrow money from Jake instead? Because that's what I'd do. :)
NTA; I'd be mad at her too; she should have told you she'd started dating him.
briebspronks wrote:
NTA. Honestly, her calling you “selfish” feels manipulative. It sounds like she’s trying to guilt-trip you into giving her what she wants without acknowledging how much she hurt you. If she’s truly your best friend, she should understand why this is a big deal and not try to make it about the money.
AnnefromBoston wrote:
She was dating him “secretly” and didn’t tell you when she explicitly knew you were interested in him. After which she called names for not forking over $500. News Flash: Mia hasn’t been your friend for a long time. Find a new best friend.
WhizzoFromBoston wrote:
NTA. She was hiding the relationship from you so she KNEW what she was doing. She broke the girl code. She can’t cry crocodile tears now that you don’t want to help her. This has nothing to do with your feelings for Jake and everything to do with her lying to you and minimizing your feelings about her actions. Stay strong.
Sea-Tea-4130 wrote:
NTA-sounds like she is not a friend and she’s manipulative in trying to guilt you to lend her money. You’ve overshared with her and she used that to her advantage to get Jake. Some ppl you need to distance from. I don’t see her apologizing for betraying your trust.
Primary_Aerie5510 wrote:
Friends don’t date someone’s crush behind their back. A friend would have had a conversation with you about it. Then to ask you for money, why doesn’t she ask Jake for money. You have every right to be selfish with your money and you have every right to not loan anyone anything. I’d really rethink if this chick is the kind of person you want to be friends with let alone best friends.
KonmanKash wrote:
NTA even without the crush thing $500 isn’t a small amount of money. I’ve seen friendships end over $20. A lot of people don’t lend money to friends at all. She could always go to a payday loan place because she has a job right?
Dizzy_Signature_2145 wrote:
She is not your friend. Do not give her money. A friend wouldn't pursue someone who you like behind your back. Tell her no, and don't look back
Ghostpantherneill wrote:
NTA. She’s pulling high school crap on you and expecting you to hand over money to pay for it. It’s not petty or selfish to refuse that. Jake can lend her the money if she’s desperate.