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'AITA for refusing to let my sister bring her dog to my house after what happened last time?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to let my sister bring her dog to my house after what happened last time?' UPDATED

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"AITA for refusing to let my sister bring her dog to my house after what happened last time?"

So here’s the deal: I (30F) host family gatherings at my house because I have the most space and honestly, I love it. Last year, my sister (28F) insisted on bringing her dog, a large, hyperactive golden retriever, to Christmas dinner. I wasn’t thrilled about it because I don’t have pets, and I like keeping my house clean and fur-free. But I thought, "Okay, it’s the holidays. Let’s be nice."

Fast forward to Christmas Day, and this dog goes absolutely berserk. It knocked over the Christmas tree, chewed up one of the gifts (a handmade scarf from my mom that took her weeks to knit), and somehow managed to jump up on the counter and eat half of the appetizers before we even sat down for dinner.

I spent most of the day cleaning up after the dog and barely got to enjoy the holiday. My sister’s response? “He’s just excited! It’s Christmas, after all!” This year, I told her no dogs. I was polite but firm, saying we’d love to have her, but the dog needs to stay home. She got super upset, saying her dog is “part of the family” and it’s unfair to exclude him.

Now she’s threatening not to come at all, and my mom is pressuring me to let the dog come so “the family can be together.” I told them both that I’m not changing my mind. Now I’m being called “selfish” and “not understanding.” My sister is acting like I’m banning her child or something, and I’m starting to second-guess myself. Am I the asshole for putting my foot down?

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

BlueGreen_1956 wrote:

NTA. Tell her you will miss her. Pet owners like that are the worst.

Story:

I was the tech specialist in an elementary school for a couple of years late in my teaching career (Men, do NOT work in elementary schools!) Anyway, during pre-planning, I was going room to room setting up computers. I walked into a second-grade classroom, introduced myself to the teacher and walked toward the computer area.

The teacher stopped me and said, "I need to introduce you to Roger." I looked around the room and saw nobody. I wondered if she was a lunatic with an imaginary friend who had grown into her 50's alongside this woman. She pointed under a table where a small dog was huddled chewing on a textbook. Needless to say, I set up her computers in record time and got the hell out of there.

Sufficient-Lie1406 wrote:

I'm sorry, I love dogs and I have 2 big chocolate labrador galoots who will be my only children, but I would NEVER EVER insist on them coming over to someone's house, not even just to their backyard. Rude as hell. NTA obvs.

Dangeous_Cake2683 wrote:

NTA! She should understand your decision after what happened last year. And, if she really wanted her dog there, she should have offered you some kind of solution, like keeping the dog in a room or on a leash. She can't just expect to bring an uneducated animal there and have you cleaning after him all day.

geekylace wrote:

NTA.

Poorly trained dogs stay home. My parents are the same and it’s why their dog isn’t allowed places anymore. If you can’t be bothered to train your dog, then you can’t bring your dog. It’s not complicated.

[deleted] wrote:

NTA, your house your rules. Also, dogs don’t misbehave because they are excited about Christmas. Dogs don’t know what Christmas is. Dogs misbehave because they haven’t been raised well. If your sister doesn’t scold the dog and teach him how he should behave they should both stay home.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

First off, thank you to everyone who offered advice and support on my original post. I was feeling a lot of pressure and was starting to second-guess myself, but I really appreciated reading all your comments. To clarify a few things before I get into the update: I don’t hate dogs.

I grew up with pets, but since moving into my own place, I’ve chosen not to have any. I also have some health concerns (allergies), which make it more difficult for me to handle dogs in an indoor environment. I love my sister, but the last time her dog was at my house, it caused major stress. Now, for the update:

After my original post, I had a long conversation with my sister and mom. My sister kept saying that I was being unfair by not allowing her dog to be part of the family celebrations. She compared it to me banning her "child," which I told her was a pretty extreme comparison, considering her dog is over 80 pounds, rambunctious, and wasn’t exactly well-behaved at my house last year.

To be honest, things got a bit heated during our conversation. I tried to explain that it wasn’t about her dog, it was about having a peaceful, enjoyable family gathering. My house isn’t pet-proof, and I didn’t want to spend the entire evening cleaning up after the dog or worrying about my guests’ safety (the dog knocked over a glass of wine last year, too).

But she kept saying that I was being “too controlling” and that I “didn’t care about her happiness.” At this point, my mom started to get involved. She’s been trying to play the “family unity” card, saying that my sister’s dog is like a “family member” and that we should make exceptions to ensure everyone is happy.

I held my ground, and it felt like I was in the middle of a tug-of-war. The next day, my sister texted me saying she would come if I made the choice to “accept the dog as part of the family.” Otherwise, she said, she’d just skip Christmas dinner altogether.

My mom called me in tears, saying I was making the holiday “divisive” and that I was “being difficult.” Honestly, at that point, I started feeling like maybe I was being unreasonable, but I stuck to my decision. So here’s what happened: My sister showed up without the dog, but she was very upset about it. She barely interacted with anyone at first and spent a lot of time on her phone. It was super awkward.

By the end of the night, things had calmed down a little, and we were able to enjoy dinner. But I still feel like the tension is lingering, and I’m honestly wondering if I made the right choice. Some of the comments I received (especially about setting boundaries and considering my own well-being) made me feel better about my decision.

But now that it’s all over, I can’t help but feel guilty for causing this rift. My sister has barely spoken to me since, and my mom is still upset. So, for the final question: Did I make the right choice? Was I being unreasonable, or was I just standing up for myself? Thanks again to everyone for your advice!

People had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

dplafoll wrote:

Disclaimer: I have 3 dogs, which is as many as our family can support. I love dogs, this is not about dogs. Relatives are biology, and family is a choice. Also, it's your house. Combine those into one situation, and you've got: It's your house, so it's your right to refuse to allow the dog, no excuses or reasons needed.

Therefore, your sister is choosing her dog as family over you as family. Since your sister believes her dog is more important to her than family, I'd respect her wishes and go LC/NC. All love to dogs, but it's just a dog, and it's sad that she believes the dog is worth more than her own blood. You don't need this in your life.

busyshrew wrote:

You have a VERY reasonable boundary. Your sister is being ridiculous. Good for you OP, for standing strong. And your sister, in the end, managed the evening just fine, no? (other than the sulking).

Please do not erase all of your hard emotional work and backslide because you want to people please. Your consideration is not going to be appreciated, and it would mean that any future boundary will be tantrumed over even harder. Continued NTA.

Tiny-Extreme-4127 wrote:

NTA.

You don't want a rambunctious, ill-behaved dog in YOUR house.

If your sister wants to bring her dog to get-togethers then she can host them at HER HOUSE.

Edit: Thank you for the award!!! I appreciate it

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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