'AITA for refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he planned it on MY property without asking?'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he planned it on MY property without asking?"
So, a bit of backstory: I (33F) own a large piece of property in a picturesque rural area that has been in our family for generations. It’s mostly woodland with a small lake, and I often host family gatherings here. It’s understood that family can use it with permission.
Last month, my brother, "Jake" (30M), announced that he was getting married to his girlfriend of two years. We were all excited, and I jokingly said, “If you need a venue, you know where to come!” Jake laughed, and I thought nothing more of it.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I came back from a business trip to find a massive wedding set-up on my property. We're talking tents, a stage, and what looked like seating for over a hundred people near the lake. Turns out, Jake took my joke as a serious offer and planned his entire wedding on my land, scheduled for next weekend!
When I confronted Jake, he seemed genuinely confused and thought I had given my blessing. He showed me texts where I had said, “Sure, we’ll make it work!” which I vaguely recall sending in response to a different conversation about accommodating relatives at the house during the wedding season, not realizing he meant the venue situation.
Now, Jake and his fiancée are in too deep. They’ve sent out invitations, booked caterers, and even hired a band. They assumed I would also cover some costs as the “venue owner,” a misunderstanding that Jake’s fiancée now bitterly points out as my failure to communicate clearly.
I told them that they could still have the wedding on my property but I absolutely will not be covering any costs. This has caused a huge rift, with my parents saying I should just pay to keep the peace since it’s partly my fault for not being clear.
On the other hand, I feel that planning a whole wedding on my property without explicit permission (even if based on a misunderstanding) was way out of line. So, AITA for refusing to pay for any part of the wedding, insisting that they handle their own arrangements as they would at any other venue?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
You never got an invitation to your brother’s wedding?
Sensitive-Umpire-491 OP responded:
Nope. It’s basically all friends of the bride and bride’s family. We wouldn’t “fit the vibe.”
NTA - what are they expecting you to pay for??? They are getting a free venue.
Sensitive-Umpire-491 OP responded:
Catering, staff, entertainment, etc. The idea is that, because we’re providing the venue, we only pay 30%
Foolish-Pleasure99 said:
WTF. How could they be setting up, and have dates set, and there hasn't been anything other than an understanding in prinicipal that something could be worked out? What expenses did they imagine you'd cover without having had a single specific convo? NTA.
gastropodia42 said:
NTA, I can see misunderstanding about using the property but no clue why they expect you to pay.
agnesperditanitt said:
NTA. Everything is already set up on your property, you're supposed to fund a Part of the bill, but you're not even invited? Tell them, they are trespassing and have to get all their crap removed from the property immidiatly. That should set a nice vibe for these deluded idiots.
Mapilean said:
NTA for not wanting to cover costs (your parents are welcome to it, if they want to keep the peace), but YTA for offering your property as the venue and not paying attention to the subsequent messages. I find it very weird that you weren't invited because "you didn't fit the vibe:" all the more reason for not covering the costs and good reason enough for kicking them all out of your property, imho.
It's one thing to host family's events, but not being invited to a major one like that? Nope. Now it's up to you to decide, but be aware that, unless you are prepared to cover their costs, a big rift with this entitled couple is going to happen anyway. You might just as well do it and save your convenience.
OctoWings13 said:
ESH. Brother is T A for not communicating clearly, setting dates, actually asking you about covering costs etc. YTA for trying to now pretend that your offer was just a "joke" when you literally everything at your place and explicitly offered for the wedding...also for pretending you don't remember the texts that you sent.
Both your communication is abysmal, and you're both playing games about everything. I agree with your solution about letting them have it there, but not paying for anything extra "venue owner" costs.
Top-Passion-1508 said:
NTA, while I see the misunderstanding it doesn't sound like the miscommunication was yours alone like your future SIL says. I definitely think it's a joint fault but you are even letting him use your property despite this but now he's also wanting you to front the costs? Nah that's on them and them alone.