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'AITA for refusing to pay for my GF's ticket after she decided to stay on our trip without me?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to pay for my GF's ticket after she decided to stay on our trip without me?' UPDATED


There are predictable ways that relationships fall apart, and then there are situations that completely blindside one party.

"AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's plane ticket after she decided to stay longer on her trip without me?"

So, here's the deal. My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of two years and I planned a two-week vacation to Italy. I paid for the flights, hotels—everything, because I make more than she does, and I wanted it to be a stress-free trip for both of us. Everything was great until the last day when she tells me she wants to stay longer to "find herself" and think about our relationship without me.

She didn't discuss this with me beforehand, and it completely blindsided me. I was hurt and told her that if she feels she needs time alone, then she should also be independent financially during this extension of her trip. I said I wouldn’t be paying for her new return ticket whenever she decides to come back.

Now, she's upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish, and some of our friends are saying I'm being an a-hole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help. So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to pay for her new plane ticket home after she chose to extend her trip without any heads-up?

The internet has a lot to say in response.

ninane95 wrote:

NTA. She can 'find herself' on her own dime. That's reasonable and fair.

"Now, she's upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish, and some of our friends are saying I'm being an a-hole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help."

You have been supportive and unselfish. You didn't complain or become difficult. You respected her decision to stay and 'find herself.' Supportive does not necessarily mean you have to pay for her choices. And no, you didn't strand her in a foreign country without financial help. It was her decision to stay behind.

All you did was respect her decision. However, it was not your obligation to fund her decision. She's a grown woman, which means she's responsible for her choices and her financial independence. You invited her on a couple's trip. Well, the couple's trip is over. She decided to stay on her own? That's no longer part of the deal.

She has every right to stay behind, she also has the right to pay for that out of her own pocket. Has she been this manipulative before? Red flag.

sarcastic-pedant responded:

Let's be honest, she could "find herself" at home, but she chose to stay in Italy. She had a paid for holiday and now she is all surprised pikachu face that he won't fund a journey of self exploration, with a side of I need to think about our relationship without you?

eli201083 wrote:

Yeah that read, "I want to f#$k Italian guys on your dime, expect you to finance it because I never told you you were just my sugar daddy, have you pay for my return and have a fully functional relationship like nothing happened when I return."

LadyNiko wrote:

She went on the trip, she chose not to use the return ticket he had bought. She can get in trouble with the Italian immigration authority because she overstays her visa and doesn't have any financial means of supporting herself. She then called her friends to berate OP for "stranding" her overseas. Nope. She chose to stay behind. That's on her. NTA.

Tifstr2 wrote:

I don’t know, to me it feels more like “my bf of 2 years planned an amazing romantic 2 week vacation in Italy and I expected him to propose on the trip.”

Now she’s disappointed and probably embarrassed because she definitely discussed this possibility with her friends. She doesn’t want to ask why he didn’t propose but she also isn’t sure she wants to stay in this relationship. And yeah, she’s upset so she’s expecting him to pay. That’s my 2 cents anyway 🤷‍♀️.

The next day, OP shared an update.

Update: Thank you to all the people who responded, especially the early ones who gave some outside verification of me probably not being the AH. I don't feel comfortable saying I'm completely blameless here because you're only getting one side of the story and I need to take responsibility for my part in this whole thing such as it is.

But I guess I never realized how good my gf was at making me feel like unreasonable s#$t was normal and rational and that I was the crazy one. So here's the update. We're both back in America now and she's packing her shi#$ to go stay with her family for a bit until she can find a new place. Soon after I posted, it was time to go to the airport, so I did...without her.

I'm one of those people who arrives really early because I never think I'll get to the gate in time because everything that could go wrong probably would go wrong (it never does but, especially with how I was feeling my luck was going, I didn't want to push it). I was there for about an hour by myself mulling things over and talking to my mom.

I looked at a couple responses to this post but I didn't trust that I wouldn't lose it if I started responding and I definitely didn't want to burst into tears while I was in the airport. As I was talking to my mom, my gf showed up. I guess she thought I was bluffing but had a rude awakening when the hotel staff kicked her out of the room because I'd only paid through that day.

I took no small amount of satisfaction in this, ngl. She'd been so concerned about the plane ticket that she didn't even stop to think about where she was going to stay. As many of you guessed, she met someone while we were in Italy. She was quick to tell me that it was just a physical attraction and that they hadn't done anything, but she had his @ and was wanting to see if it'd go anywhere.

I guess that's what I get for not feeling well and wanting to stay in one night while she went out to explore. Obviously, I told her things were over between us. Even though she tried to make it sound like nothing had happened, the fact was A. I couldn't feel like I could trust her when she said that.

B. I don't really want to be with someone who feels like it's okay to still "keep her options open" when she's been in a monogamous relationship for the past 2 years. The flight home was awkward as f#$k and she tried really hard to give another pitch for why we should stay together on the drive home from the airport.

I think, as we got closer to home, reality started setting in and she realized she'd just thrown a lot away. So yeah. I'm jetlagged and physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm just kind of numb at this point. Finally, I didn't see all the comments (as there are 2.5k at the time of this update) but, to the few that were downvoted into oblivion who said this was fake because I hadn't updated in several hours...f#$k you.

I was looking for reasonable dissenting opinions that might have helped me make sense of this situation and you're accusing me of making this up for random internet points?? Believe it or not, my priority was not to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet how my world was falling apart around me.

I know it's easy to think that these people aren't real and their struggles are meaningless because screens divide us but, ironically, you're the AHs.

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the update.

countingrusselcrows wrote:

Oh that plane ride would’ve been rough.

altonbrownfan wrote:

I had an ex break up with me at the destination of a road trip. She seemed to have forgotten I had driven us there. That was an awkward time.

knyghtez wrote:

I had an ex break up with me after picking her up from a summer intensive drama course and still expected that i’d drive her ~12 hours to my family home, where we had planned she was going to stay with me for two weeks before flying the rest of the way across the country to stay with her aunt (her own family home was in another country on the other side of the world).

I was 21 and in love, of course I did. I can’t say I regret doing so, but I definitely wouldn’t again.

CatmoCatmo wrote:

I commented this on his original post, but the thing that stuck out to me the most was her saying:

"She was quick to tell me that it was just a physical attraction and that they hadn’t done anything yet. She had his @ and was wanting to see if it’d go anywhere."

The fact she said that so nonchalantly and thought it was going to benefit her is WILD. How in the hell could she think that this would make it better?!? Her not understanding that the act of “wanting to see if it’d go anywhere” with some random dude, IS crossing a massive trust and respect boundary, shows how she viewed OP and their relationship. Hint: it definitely wasn’t good.

How did she think this was gonna work? Like OP was just gonna be, “Whew! Well as long as you didn’t act on your feelings, I’m totally fine with it then!” Knowing your SO was open to finding someone new during your relationship is pretty shitty. She basically told OP that he was always just a placeholder until she could level up.

I’m glad OP listened when she told him who she was, and did something a little it. Honestly, she sounds like a super disrespectful, inconsiderate, and selfish person. I have a feeling that if OP looks back through their relationship, he will find other instances where she pulled other crap like this.

She was way too confident when she defended her actions, and way too certain her “plan” or staying behind would work out for her, for it to have been her first time jocking OP around. Also. Her friends sound like trash too (assuming they know the truth). If a friend of mine pulled this crap, I’d be the first one to call her out - I definitely wouldn’t be calling their bf and berating him. FFS.

istara wrote:

I'm just astounded that she managed to meet a potential new partner while on holiday with her current partner and sharing a room with him. How would you even have the time to do that?

I'm not suggesting all holidaying couples need to live in one another's pockets, but wouldn't you spend the majority of your time doing couples stuff? And to even be in the mindset of meeting new people just seems absolutely weird.

It sounds like OP dodged a bullet by getting out of this relationship now.

Sources: Reddit
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