'AITA for refusing to pay my friend's share of the bill after she 'forgot' her wallet?'
'AITA for refusing to pay my friend's share of the bill after she 'forgot' her wallet?'
A few days ago, I went out to dinner with a group of friends. We had a good time, and at the end of the meal, the bill came. One of my friends Sarah suddenly said she had forgotten her wallet at home. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, but it’s never been with me directly she usually does this with other friends.
Everyone was pretty quiet, and I could tell they were waiting for someone to offer to cover her. I didn’t say anything at first, but when Sarah looked at me, I kind of awkwardly said, "I can't cover you sorry" She seemed shocked and said she would pay me back tomorrow. I still said I couldn't because I’m not comfortable covering other people's expenses, especially when this has happened before.
She got upset, saying she felt embarrassed and that I was making her look bad in front of our friends. One of our other friends ended up paying her share, but the whole mood shifted. Afterward, She also texted me later on saying I was out of line and should’ve just helped her out since it was "only a small amount."
Some of my friends are on her side, saying I could’ve just covered her since she promised to pay me back, while others agree that it's not my responsibility, especially since she has a history of doing this.
The internet was quick to share their opinions on the matter.
Peony-Pony wrote:
NTA I won't say how old I am but old enough and in my entire life I have never "forgotten" my wallet when I went out to dinner. Not once. If someone "forgets" their wallet repeatedly it's not a accident, it's a pattern. Expecting people to cover their share with the promise to pay them back and being embarrassed because someone doesn't volunteer is not anyone else's problem but the "absent minded" diner.
Everyone was pretty quiet, and I could tell they were waiting for someone to offer to cover her. I didn’t say anything at first, but when Sarah looked at me, I kind of awkwardly said, "I cant cover you sorry" She seemed shocked and said she would pay me back tomorrow. I still said i couldn't because I’m not comfortable covering other people's expenses, especially when this has happened before.
"She got upset, saying she felt embarrassed and that I was making her look bad in front of our friends."
Oh no, she did that all by herself. If she was embarrassed that people have tired of her schtick, she has no one to blame but herself.
New_equal3762 wrote:
NTA. However, with technology today, this can be simply shut down fast. Without them being able to say your a bad friend. Do you have your phone on you? Great, etransfer me your amount. Once it's deposited into my account, I will use my card to pay.
Oh, your phone is dead. No worries, here's my phone log into your bank and etransfer. Again, once the money is in my account, I will gladly use my card to pay, but I don't have enough to cover u before that.
Oh, you can't etransfer well. Would you like to call ur parent, partner, or sibling to etransfer for you. If your phone does not work you can use mine to call. Again, I'm not paying for you, but I will gladly use my card once the money is deposited into my account.
Sorry, at this point, I have given you 3 options for helping you since you forgot ur wallet. Clearly, you have the money since it's so easy to pay me back, and you, of course, would not have come out here and eaten if you did not have the money. So let me know which option works for you, and we will proceed from there.
stayingfortheempathy wrote:
NTA. She embarrassed herself. Assuming Sarah is an adult, she should be prepared to pay her portion of the dinner bill and if she comes up short it's up to *her* to figure it out.
CuriousEmphasis7698 wrote:
NTA. Sarah is responsible to make sure she has her wallet before she orders. Are the friends who are on her side people who were there? If so you can tell them that you are happy to hear that they are comfortable covering off the cost of Sarah's meals when she can't pay, however you are not willing to do so and should not be expected to, and then ask why they didn't step up to do so.
Large-Principle-8448 wrote:
NTA, she doesnt know her friends financial situations well enough to rely on this and should disclose that she doesnt have her wallet before ordering. What if you only had enough in your budget for you or had bills set to come out tomorrow morning?
I personally have a tick where I need to feel mine in my pocket before Im willing to place an order so I dont understand how this could be unintentional. Also you are allowed to set boundaries, even if you can cover the expense. She knows damn well shes putting people on the spot.
Labradawgz90 wrote:
NTA- If your friends feel that it wasn't a big deal, then why didn't they just speak right up and volunteer to cover it. Why? Because they know that she's like this but they are too cowardly to say something to her. All of you need to say something to her as a group and tell her you won't invite her out anymore if she keeps pulling this s--t.
Archetyping101 wrote:
NTA. This isn't the first time sarah has done this so it seems like Sarah actually can't afford meals out or Sarah expects a friend to pick up the tab each time she "forgets" and doesn't pay people back. You didn't embarrass her. You aren't expected to pick up someone else's tab.
I think it would be different BEFORE the meal if she's like "hey OP, I'm sorry i forgot my wallet at home. Would you spot me for dinner?" Or even asked the entire group and see what everyone says. If no one agrees to, Sarah should go home. No one is obligated to pick up your tab. The fact she feels that YOU embarrassed her shows that she expected you to pick up the tab.